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Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  and pediatric nurse practitioner with 30 years of experience counseling parents.
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My two older children seems to be fighting all the time at

Resolved Question:

My two older children seems to be fighting all the time at moment (age 6 and 12). It's been going for few mounts now and it has affect on all of us. The oldest teasing younger one a lot, in response 6 year old now not just screaming and shouting, but now ,going into what looks like full blown tantrum(hiting and throwing things around) He gets very distressed and upset . But it amusses the oldest , who can laugh at this. So far all our attempts to restore peace failed. not sure any more what s the right thing to do . we 've got 2 year old who gets upset as well, by having to listen his brothers fight. please help.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Bonnie replied 6 years ago.
Since this is a new development, it is important to find out the reason the older brother is teasing younger. It won't be possible to find this out from him as he will say "I don't know". But this may be his way of responding to a change in his life. Look for changes at school, friends, family and his poor adaptation to this change. Then, try to get help and support for him in this change. For instance, if there is teasing going on at school, elicit the help of support people (counselors) at school. (The change might be puberty changes too)

It can also happen the other way, that younger is reacting to not having as much fun time with older (as older wants to go off with friends). This 6 year difference is tough and 12 year old will "outgrow" playing with 6 year old who will become lonely for him. However, children express their uncomfortable feelings by acting out.

So the botXXXXX XXXXXne is, getting to know the feeling behind the behavior and treat that. Depending on how much this is disrupting the family, you can also seek out a child therapist that might consider therapy to help sibling relationship.

Thank you for asking JA and I hope this helped.
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