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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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I have custody of the children. There is a case of emotional/verbal

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I have custody of the children. There is a case of emotional/verbal abuse with the son (14) and physical/emotional/verbal abuse with the daughter (17). The custody agreement gives the children full control 100% over whether they choose to see or talk to their father. Our Daughter chooses not to talk or see her father. Our son gave his father a 2nd chance; he felt his father had changed.
The custody order was their father’s idea after the judge ordered him to go to counseling and anger management; he didn't feel he had to. I couldn't afford a long draw out fight so agreed to it.
First problem: our son has become severely depressed over this past year and is now taking anti-depressants. Our son spent most of the summer with his father, upon returning there has been a change; he doesn’t want to see his father. He will not communicate with me as to why; he does talk a little with his therapist though. His father won’t take no for an answer. He wants our son for thanksgiving and if he can’t have that he wants him for Christmas. Our son doesn’t want to spend either with him. His father claims parental alienation when our son says no.
Second problem: our son has a cell phone attached to his father’s account. When his father calls him and our son can’t answer or chooses not to, he will call or text every 10 minutes for several hours alternating between cell phone and land line. Leaving these msgs: “I will keep calling until our son answers” “when our son is with me I make sure he talks to you, can you please do the same for me”
My question is how do I handle this without my son being in the middle and getting the brunt of it?
Unfortunately, we cannot change the actions of other people...we can only change ourselves. I think your son still needs to seek counseling services..maybe from a different counselor to receive an alternate perspective. He needs to develop more coping strategies to deal with the "games" that his dad is playing with him. It simply is not fair to your son and it is a bit childish on the part of your son's father. Even your daughter should receive counseling to help her and your son better understand the actions of their dad.
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