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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
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Hi I am at my wits end, and my family seems to be falling

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I am at my wits end, and my family seems to be falling apart, I have a 24 yr old son who is addicted to Tamazepam, but has been in rehab and was clean for 2 yrs until just recently. He started taking again and split up with his girlfiend and decided to stop at my daughters for a little while. I went to see my daughter when he was out and tried to explain how he can get when taking drugs it is a very traumatic time and I told her you have not got to enable him which I have learned over the years. My daughter who is thirty didnt listen to a word I had said even though i tried my hardest to explain to her, she ended up getting angry with me and i said i am going home and she said good, no more was said. A few days later when down at my daughters, my son came in and it was obvious he had been taking and he was in denial and i said that the sooner he gets out of denial the better. To cut a long story short my daughter was in denial as well all this got on top of me and i wasnt very well I had a sickness bug so I asked my daughter if she would come up for a chat as i was desperate to talk to her and try and get her on board about her brothers addiction, infact I begged her to come up for half an hour and she wouldnt. I felt really hurt by this and thought that she would of come up. As time went on my son went back to his girlfriend and I sent my daughter a lot of information off the net on drug addiction even though i got no response. I even kept her up to date with what was happening but I still felt really hurt by her actions. When my daughter has wanted something in the past or if there has been any way I could help her I would she always contacts me when she wants something even though she has a partner.

The other day my husband got a text off my daughter to see if she could pick our grandson up from school he said yes, my daughter has two sons but she only asked for the young one to be picked up. We where already picking my sons children up as well. When we got to school I asked my daughters eldest son who was picking him up and he said his uncle so I waited with him until he came. We dropped the children off and later i got a text from my daughter to ask if I just dropped my sons children off or took them home with me. I told her I dropped them off. Later that night I constantly got text messages from her saying that she wasnt well and I should have took her children and they were horrible text messages, I had made arrangements that night with my son to talk about treatment etc, and my daughter just continued with the messages saying I spend more time with my son than her. I sent one back saying that both hers and my sons situation are different and i do what I can when I can depending on the situation, I told her that I have done things for both of you at different times. I still feel terribly hurt by her and she is trying to make me feel guilty and I suppose I still feel bad about her not comming up. I feel undermined by her as a mother and grandmother. I have had a text this morning saying not to pick the kids up at the weekend because they are doing something as a family and I was going to take them swimming. I think this is just upping the pressure as after my last text last night I told her I wasnt going to reply to any more texts tonight i need to relax. I am off work today as i dont feel well with dealing with my son and then all this with my daughter I am at my wits end and I feel i need some space. Could you please advise on what I could do as I am getting blame for not been able to be in two places at the same time. Your advise will be appreciated.
Yes, I will advise you on what you should do.

You have done nothing wrong. You are dealing with issues with the drug addiction of your son, the unappreciative nature of your daughter, and the overall tension in your family. You are the glue that wants to hold the family together and make things work out for the best. But right now, you have the world on your shoulders and it is weighing heavily on you. You can not change the behavior of your family members. You can only change yourself and your reactions to life events. I would suggest that you seek professional help from a neutral source like a family therapist, psychologist, or counselor. You need someone to discuss all of your feelings out in the open with. You also need someone to meet with you regularly to gain coping and intervention strategies on how to deal with such pressing issues. If you have health insurance, contact the customer service representatives and they can steer you in the right direction.


I hope that this has helped. Please ACCEPT. Ask for Erica.13 if you need further advice. Have a great day.

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