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Wow...You have many suppressed feelings toward your brother and your dad. There is nothing that you can do to change the way that your dad acted toward you. Just be thankful that you even had the opportunity to meet him...even though the meetings were not on the best terms. As for your brother, he has his own issues to deal with. Even though deep in your heart you long for that sister brother relationship with him, you can not change him. You can only change yourself. You have some deeply rooted hurtful feelings. I would suggest that you seek some type of professional counseling. Otherwise, your feelings will eat you up for the rest of your life. That is no way to live. You must seek help from a neutral source so that you can learn coping strategies. If you have health insurance, call the customer service representatives and they can steer you in the correct direction.
If this has helped, please ACCEPT. Have a great rest of the week and weekend!!!