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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I am an adult female child of a man who for my entire childhood

Customer Question

I am an adult female child of a man who for my entire childhood and teenage years had no time for me. My parents divorced when I was three. My mother would take me to see him and my grandparents but he would only stay for about five minutes and leave. I received more attention from his brothers and my grandfather. When I was 12 he remarried and fathered a son. I didn't even know he was seeing someone let alone there was a baby. My grandmother told me. He came to my house and told me that he didn't tell me because he thought I would be jeolous. I told him that he should have told me. He was my father and that I didn't care and that I wanted to see the baby. I didn't see by brother until he was two when I asked my grandmother to take me to him. I continued see my brother until my father got another divorce. After that I asked my father why he never paid attention to me and he said that I wasn't always the best daughter. I told him that was it. Why love my brother and not me.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 7 years ago.

Wow...You have many suppressed feelings toward your brother and your dad. There is nothing that you can do to change the way that your dad acted toward you. Just be thankful that you even had the opportunity to meet him...even though the meetings were not on the best terms. As for your brother, he has his own issues to deal with. Even though deep in your heart you long for that sister brother relationship with him, you can not change him. You can only change yourself. You have some deeply rooted hurtful feelings. I would suggest that you seek some type of professional counseling. Otherwise, your feelings will eat you up for the rest of your life. That is no way to live. You must seek help from a neutral source so that you can learn coping strategies. If you have health insurance, call the customer service representatives and they can steer you in the correct direction.


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