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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Hi, I have a 5 year old adopted daughter. I am her sole

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Hi, I have a 5 year old adopted daughter. I am her sole caregiver. She only has me and sometimes she sees my mother. I am concerned that she is not living a normal life. That not enough people that love her are in her life to let her know how valued, how wonderful she is. Can a child grow up to be a normal person with just their mom loving them? She also asks me about her other "mom" and also that she wants a daddy very badly. Please help??


Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
Why do you feel that her life is not normal? How is her overall behavior and attitude?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
Why do you feel that her life is not normal? How does she behave at home and at school?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

A child can grow up in a very normal manner with just her mother raising her. How is your daughter behaving and thriving emotionally? Is she a happy child? Or is she often depressed? Is she withdrawn or outgoing? If you are meeting all of the needs for your daughter and she is not showing any signs of dysfunctional behavior, then you have nothing to worry about.


When your daughter asks about her real mother, just tell her that you are her mom and that her birth "mom" is the one who brought her into the world. You were the one who specifically chose her as your daughter to raise because you knew how special she was.


When she asks questions about having a dad, tell her that she does have a dad but for do not have information about him. Tell her that one day when she is older, she may find out about him...if you want to take it that far. But do not leave her hanging out there like her dad never existed. She probably wants to feel some type of connection even though the dad is an unknown person.


These subjects can be really touchy and sensitive issues. You never really know what a child may be thinking. You may want to seek counseling if her questions persist and she seems to be having emotional issues. If she is doing well, then do not bother with counseling for now. The issues may come up later though. You can always cross that bridge when you get there.


I hope that this has helped. Please ACCEPT. Have a great day!!!



Customer: replied 6 years ago.

she is in an early intervention program at school. One of her classmates told her "I don't like you Laina" today. I think she gets this more often than I had thought. I see it sometimes on the playground as well. She will try to befriend a child and will follow that child around. I have told her that she needs to give people space (i mean physical space) or they feel unconfortable. I asked her how that made her feel when her classmate said that to her today. She said "i don't know" and then asked me "why do you think I am special"? I told her that she is a very loving, affectionate, and smart girl and that is why I think she is special.


I didn't consider the fact that she is asking about her birth father. She just tells me she wants "a" daddy. I suppose I could say something to her like "you do have one" and maybe you could try to find him someday".


I feel that my daughter gets rejected from children because I didn't socialize her the way I was supposed to . I am not the most sociable person myself and don't have much of a family and so she has really just mostly been with me the past 2 1/2 years. except of course when she goes to daycare during the day while I'm at work.


I'm concerned about her being rejected socially like she is.



Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

Your daughter may be too young for this but a lot of health care facilities offer feelings management classes for children. Another option would be to have your child see a counselor or psychologist to learn coping strategies of dealing with rejection and how to make friends. I had my son see a psychologist for some behavior issues at school when he was 7 years old. I was totally against the idea at first. He went once and sometimes twice a month for a year and it was very helpful. He gained greater self esteem and learned more about feelings. He was also in a group feelings management class and there was even a class for parents. This would be an alternative option that might help you and your daughter...especially if you are not the most sociable person. You could learn some helpful strategies as well like I did.

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