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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My 30 year old son has moved back in with us temporarily whilst

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My 30 year old son has moved back in with us temporarily whilst he finds a job. He is unwilling to make any contribution (money, help or otherwise) as he believes his presence is not costing us anything. We do not want to charge him board but are finding that we are coming into conflict all the time. He has his own house but this is rented out. He brings his girlfriend home to stay over at our house several nights a week. Any time we mention him making a contribution he thows a wobbly telling us what awful parents we've been. I know the solution seems so obvious but we truly love our son and don't want to resort to asking him to leave. He has insulin dependant diabetes which affects his moods and we try to make allowances for this. Please have you any constuctive advice to offer me?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

Your son is an adult and must be held accountable for his actions. It is your house and your son, even as an adult, must abide by the rules of your house. The main factor here is that he is unemployed. Once he does find a job, he needs to find another place to live or move into his rented house. You cannot allow him to "free load" off of you. He is too grown for that. You must continue to be proactive and not reactive. He is your son and continue to care and love him deeply. If you feel that you need additional help and the situation is only worsening, I would suggest that you seek professional help from a psychologist or a counselor so that you can receive coping and intervention strategies on how to best deal with your son. If you have health insurance, contact the customer service representatives and they will steer you in the correct direction.


If this has at all helped, please ACCEPT. I know as mothers sometimes we feel like we have the weight of the world on our shoulders. Hang in there though. This will one day be a distant memory.

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for your reply. Although our Son does not have a full time job he does do some work (he is a plumber). He is waiting to get a job abroad (with his girlfriend) as a snowboard instructor. He accuses his father of beating him up when he was young. This is not true although he did get smacked as a child. We have recently had him & his girlfriend at our house in Spain for a holiday for 2 weeks and have taken them on outings since we have returned. I feel that he is emotionally blackmailing us by telling his girlfriend how horrible we are/were to him. I can't tell if he's just blagging it but he seems to be in a state of depression & I'm unable to talk to him without some kind of reaction from him. We understand his financial position is restrained but his behavior is tormenting us.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
Please seek the professional assistance that I mentioned above. You should not have to live a life of torment. It is not fair to you. You must seek coping strategies to deal with all of these issues. You are at a crossroads and must try something different.
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