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Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  and pediatric nurse practitioner with 30 years of experience counseling parents.
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Dear Bonnie, 30 years ago I was forced into giving my girls

Resolved Question:

Dear Bonnie,
30 years ago I was forced into giving my girls up for adoption to my ex-wife and her husband. I have sinced got in contact with my youngest (she was two and the time and her sister was three). My youngest told me that my oldest had no inteest in having any contact with me. My youngest told me the oldest had recollections of my not showing up for visitations, i.e. "looking out the wndow and my not showing up". This is not true but she believes this. Could a a three year old have false memories because of her mother telling her this?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Bonnie replied 6 years ago.
Thanks for asking for me. A 3 year old may not have a false memory but rather an exaggeration of the memory. Even one time sitting and looking out the window for Daddy can be extrapolated to years of waiting. It is not accurate but it still is her perception. It may have been exaggerated because of the way it was presented to her by her mother and the years of hearing "he constantly disappointed you" by others.

It would not be a good idea to minimize her current perception and feeling. But you can try to tell her your perception and feelings and see if you can find another adult who knows the truth and can help correct her exaggerated memory, You may have been the victim of Parent ALienation Syndrome (see book by Gardner called Divorce Casualties).

I won't be on line much in the next few days but feel free to ask follow up question and I will check in periodically.
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