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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Greetings, mother of 9 year twins here, one boy and one girl.

Customer Question

Greetings, mother of 9 year twins here, one boy and one girl. We have great kids, outgoing, intelligent and sociable towards both adults and their peers. However, in the last 6 months, the level of rudeness in the way of disrespectful tone of voice towards both my husband and self, and frankly what I'd have considered 'tween' behavior, has increased markedly. Friends have said nine is the new13. I'm not ready to accept that. I am traditionally the 'chief disciplinarian' in the home, and yes, consequences are followed through. My husband has started calling our kids on their tone of voice in regards XXXXX XXXXX they speak to me. I know they are picking this up from their friends as I've witnessed some outrageous behavior from their friends towards parents. We have spoken about how our kids need to set their own standards and not be influenced by their peers, (Ha ha!). In fact, both children have volunteered their opinions and horror at some of their buddies rudeness. My mantra is that, very often, all you have to do is change the 'tone of voice' and the message comes out in a far more pleasant manner, that will then get a better responsefrom us parents. Any tips?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
I will be happy to assist you with this matter shortly. I will give you some alternative suggestions.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you. I llok forward to learning some new strategies.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.



Before trying to deal with strategies in dealing with rudeness and back talk...

1. Look at the child's situation and surroundings. Sometimes a change in environment will help.


2. Analyze the child's self esteem. Is the rude behavior being exhibited because that is the only way the child thinks he/she will be listened to?


Some things to assist you in dealing with back talk and rudeness:

1. Set a good example. Model respectful behavior.


2. Teach proper communication skills.


3. Jump on bad behavior. Establish behavior expectations and stick with them. Tell children that unacceptable behavior irritates you and is disrespectful. Ask children to reconsider their response and try verbalizing it again.


4. Enforce consequences of back talk. Teach the consequence that back talking will not get a child what he/ she wants. Send children to their room to calm down and they can come out when they are ready to talk. Don't be confrontational with your children.


5. Play act a scenario with a child and provide him/her with a chance to practice an appropriate response.


6. As appropritae for their age and environment, teach children how to handle disappointment without talking back.


7. Reward respectful behavior and appropriate actions/reactions. Tell your child how proud you are of them when they are polite and respectful.


I hope this helps.

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