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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1492
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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I believe my 15 year old daughter is taking drugs. Her facebook

Customer Question

I believe my 15 year old daughter is taking drugs. Her facebook offers input towards this belief as well as her secrecy (even though we have taken her phone and itouch, we discover she has lock passwords on them that we don't know). Last night she refused to take a drug test and last but not least, one of her best friends is a drug user and dealer. What now? Yes, we will be finding a psychologist but this just came to light yesterday and am in somewhat of a panic here. Any creative ideas on getting her to reveal what these passwords are would be great. Second, I am a firm believer in reality and wonder if there is something where she can get a tour of a detox, prison, and morgue? In our minds, a refusal to take a drug test is a positive result. She keeps saying we have to trust her but with what came to light yesterday, we cannot do this. That was her line in redusing the test..."you have to trust me". No we haven't seen physical signs but her school and our allowing her to hang out with her friends between school and her games, sometimes we don't see her from 8am to 11pm. Any help you could offer would be appreciated.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 6 years ago.
Where is your proof that she is using?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

1) On facebook 2) her refusal to take a test 3)all of the secrecy 4) failing all of her subjects

Expert:  Dr. G. replied 6 years ago.
Getting to a psychologist is a good step. What I tell parents is that they need to set down firm rules with their kids and if the kids follow the rules then they can have their freedom. If they do not follow rules then the consequences set in. Tell your daughter that in order for you to trust her then she has to do the following: Maintain average grades, be in the house by 8:00, do homework, respect her parents, etc. etc. If she does these things then she can have the freedom. If she doesn't then she will be in her room for a long time not having fun. Part of the condition of trust would definitely be to take random drug tests. If she doesn't then the trust is not there and neither is the freedom. Simple as that.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Unfortunately due to friday night football games she has to be out until 11 but would it be unreasonable to tell her she has to come home between school and call time for games? Would you consider a refusal to take a random (and never before have we ever required this) drug test a "smoking gun"? No pun intended.
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 6 years ago.
I don't think it is unreasonable at all. And yes, I would trust your suspicions about the drug use.