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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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I have a 20 y.o. daughter who had to take a leave of absense

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I have a 20 y.o. daughter who had to take a leave of absense from college due a severe depression caused by some non academic episodes that occured. While on anti-drpressants she expedrienced a manic episode and was diagnosed as being bipolar. She was on meds for about a month and about 2 months ago decided that the side effects were not worth it and stopped taking the meds. She has been symptom free, but my problem is what do I do now as a parent. She likes visiting her friends and going on the computer, etc.,but I don't see any motivation to move on with her life as long as we are supporting her. She comes home late and sleeps in till the afternoon. I don't see kicking her out of the house as a viable option. She has been through a tramatic episode in her life and she has been home about 9 months. I can't seem to light a fire under her to set goals, follow through on stuff, etc. Any advice for dealing with a child that is may or may not bebipolar? She believes things will just work out for her even though she doesn't seem to work on making things happen for her. For example, she says everyday she is looking for a job, but that consists of looking at for jobs she is not qualified for. Actions speak louder than words, but any advice I give her sounds like a lecture or that I trying to run her life.
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Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I am sorry to hear the problems you are experiencing with your daughter. You do need to sit down with her --- be very supportive, as it sounds you have been, and explain to her that you love her and it upsets you terribly that she is not getting herself back on track --- i.e., getting healthy enough to get back to college. Tell her you would like her to have a consultation with a therapist so that she could get herself back on track.

Customer :

I appologize for not mentioning that she has been seeing a Kaiser therapist monthly, but I want this therapist to give her homework or something to work on until they meet again. Due to the fact she is 20 my access to the therapist or information is severely limited. As her parent I can say something 20 times and she wont listen, but I was hoping the therapist could say the same thing and get a positive response. My concern is that garbage in garbage out. If my daughter is not giving her the full picture of what is going on then she gets less out of it.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Yes, unfortunately, she is no longer a minor and you cannot have access to the therapist. What I would do is write a letter to her therapist, highlighting everything. Your daughter won't like it. The therapist won't discuss anything with you but the botXXXXX XXXXXne will be that they have all the information.

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