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Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  and pediatric nurse practitioner with 30 years of experience counseling parents.
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Hello, My son is currently in the third grade and is eight

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Hello, My son is currently in the third grade and is eight years old. I am his father and my wife and I got custody of him about two years ago. We gave his mother a lot of visitation including phone calls. She also has a Thursday (midweek) visitation. She hasn't been fullfilling them much lately. However she emailed me today to let us know she wouldn't be coming on Thursday but she wanted to go to his school and eat lunch with him on Friday. The thing is she told me not to tell him that she was coming, she wants it to be a surprise. Something about just doesn't seem right. I feel that he should know and would be just as excited. She has done this before and hasn't even told us. This time she did. How can this affect my son or does it play mind games with him? Please help, this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you Aaron
I agree with you that he should be told about the visit (change of plans). He will be disappointed that he did not have the Thursday visit, have some unspoken negative feelings about it and then, feel guilty when she just shows up on Friday, Too much for a little boy to go through. She is playing games. Tell him that the plans have changed and that she won't be here on Thursday but will have lunch with him on Friday. Then, tell her you did this and hope she shows up. (Wondering if she wanted it to be a surprise, in case she does not show?) This boy has had too many disappointments and thank you for shielding him when you can.
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