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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1767
Experience:  Parenting Workshops, Teacher, PHD Clinical Psychology, 30 yrs. Exp. 4 Children
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this is prob gona be a hard question but Im a governess of

Resolved Question:

this is prob gona be a hard question but Im a governess of 2 girls. The youngest is 4 and I am growing suspecious as to her fathers relations with her. How can I find out if something is going on???
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 6 years ago.


What is making you suspicious?


Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Well there have been a few random things like when I started here at easter she was trying to suck on her mothers ear. I commented bout it being really odd and the mother told me it was something that her father taught her to do. Few times we have been reading books and things and she will ask about the gender of a character and when I say its a boy she asks me where his balls are.


What really set off bells for me was recently she had a 3 yr old friend over for a few nights. The mother was away with the oldest daughter and he slept alone in his bed with the 2 little girls. When I went in to get them up I discovered that both of them where not wearing cloths.


When I had the girls in the bath my 4 yr old was laying on her tummy in the bath and made her 3 yr old friend lay on her back as she rocked herself back and fowards. Her friend was asking her why she did this and she replied "cause I have too".


I am concerned but I want to make sure I am not over reacting as I was an abused child myself. I know I am prob more sensative to it. However the activities I have seen are def setting off alarm bells and I dont know what to do cause I dont want to say anything unless Im totally sure.

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 6 years ago.

Hi, what you are describing sounds as though you are right, it sounds as though there is abuse going on in that home. This behavior is something that needs to be reported. If the mother is not aware of what is happening you might want to speak to her first and if she does nothing then tell someone in authority, if you suspect the Mother will not believe you or address the problem you may want to speak to the child's doctor and/or the authorities and let them know. You are taking a risk reporting but it is more of a danger to the children not to and it's not something you can let happen under your watch. If you are wrong, good and you'll feel better for having addressed the problem. However, if you are right you're saving a couple of children from being further abused.

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I know the mother will not even think that there is a possability that anything is happening. I have mentioned a few odd behaviours to her and she just thinks its funny. I feel that maybe I need to prob the child a little bit to find out if he has been touching her but I dont want her to repeat something to her parents


Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 6 years ago.
Hi, Once you found the children naked in his bed you have a responsibility to report it. Don't mess around trying to find out from a child what happened. There is something very wrong and you need to tell someone. I would strongly suggest you go to the authorities and tell them what happened and what your suspicions are, they will help you. You can't let this wait. I know you are fearful of doing so but you need to protect the child first.