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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
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I am a mother of 2 boys ages 14 and 9. I have provided each

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I am a mother of 2 boys ages 14 and 9. I have provided each of the boys with Math and reading materials to work on over the summer to prepare for the upcoming school year. My 14 year old is going into 9th grand and my 9 year old is going into 5th grade. I think the boys need to spend a little time each day working on their Math and reading independently and ask for help as it is need. My husband wants the 14 year old to sit with the 9 year old for 1/2 hour - 1 hour each day and teach him Math. I don't think this is good for either of them since it will make the 14 year old feel saddled with his younger brother and the 9 year old will not develope independent study habits. Both can count on me, my husband, or each other for the help they need. I think that works for everyone. I have told my husband I don't want to discuss it any more but he keeps bringing it up and it's making me feel stressed and a little angry. I don't thinking it's having a good effect on the boys either. Which of us is right? How can I explain the answer to my husband and my sons?

Good Evening,


One child should not be left to educate the younger sibling. Not sure why your husband wants that (he can teach your older one responsibilities in a different way if that is what his goal is) It would cause resentment to both siblings otherwise. What if the younger one does not perform well? Should the older one be held responsible for that then?


It is ok for siblings to help each other and there should be some limits to it (healthy limits) Perhaps your husband does not see possible problems that can arise from this.


If he brings up the issue, don't ignore it and try to remain calm. Make a mental outline of the cons if this is the set up. The younger child should look up to an adult to learn the math not his brother. There are educators and then there are siblings. The 9 yol has to start to learn independence and good study habits. Entrusting a sibling as his mentor may not really be the best.

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