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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  Parenting Workshops, Teacher, PHD Clinical Psychology, 30 yrs. Exp. 4 Children
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Should a father introduce himself to his son after 27 years

Customer Question

Should a father introduce himself to his son after 27 years? I have never met him & I don't think he knows about me. He was raised by his mother & a guy named Jay that he knows as dad. What should I do? Justin.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi, This is a situation that has unfortunately become too common, and people's lives are rocked when they find out the man they thought was Dad, isn't their biological father. I would be careful in how you do this, if you do. Talking to his mother first would be a courtesy. The young man deserves to know the truth if for nothing more than having his biological medical background. If he chooses to not want you in his life then you have to respect that and stay away. There are many more variables in play so I would suggest before you decide to meet with a psychologist a few times and weight the pros and cons.
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Courtesy to the mother?? Why do you think the kid has been in the dark all these years??
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.

Probably because she didn't want you in the picture, take the high road and be the adult and bigger person. My concern is for the kid, not mom. If he lived with her all these years then courtesy is just you being adult and acting like you should. No child should be told differently.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Keep in mind that this "child" is 27 years old. I'm looking at both your answers. Can you really have it both ways? I don't think so.....thanks & bye!