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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  Parenting Workshops, Teacher, PHD Clinical Psychology, 30 yrs. Exp. 4 Children
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My 14-year-old daughter is dating a 17-year-old atheist/Satanist.

Customer Question

My 14-year-old daughter is dating a 17-year-old atheist/Satanist. When I found out, I told them that they cannot have any further contact with each other. However, they said they will do it anyway. Am I being unreasonable in telling them not to contact one another? They have known each other for approximately two weeks.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi, Unfortunately, the more you try to keep her from him the more she will defy you or at least try. What you can do is express to her that you are not comfortable with his lifestyle. Tell her you cannot forbid her to see him and you can't choose who she wants for her friends. However, at 14 she is too young to be dating a 17 yr old. Three years makes a big difference at their ages. Make some rules that allow her to hang out with him, limit the time, have consequences if she does not comply. Let her help you decide what should be allowed (will make her feel as though she has some say in the matter) and be consistent. You are not unreasonable in your attempt to guide her in the right direction. If you forbid them to contact each other you will make it all the more desirable for them to be together.
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you for your answer. I just do not want her to get involved with him at all. I wish it would just go away.
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi, I know you do, make some rules with her help (makes her feel good) and then stick to them. Grounding, taking things away doesn't work it makes teens rebel even more. Try talking to her about what it is this boy is involved in, read up on it and let her learn about it too, do it together and you may find a different attitude. That may help.