Parenting

Have parenting questions? Ask a parenting counselor for answers

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

I am very concerned about my 11 year old daughter. She has…

Customer Question
Dear Sir/Madam, I am very concerned...
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am very concerned about my 11 year old daughter. She has been away from me for about 2 years, and finally now I am seeing her every weekend. She has always been a girl who loved pink but these few months, I observed she dislikes anything to do with a girl: e.g. anything pink, skirts, girl's fashion jewelry or toys, even feminine bed linen... Her two best friends at school are also boys; she refuses to use a handbag...She basically refuses anything that's for a girl. When I asked why she doesn't like girl's things any more, she didn't want to talk about it. I am very worried and don't understand, I only have one child and don't know so much about preteens.
Could you kindly advise: is my daughter normal ? Why has her view of herself identity changed so much in 2 years? What can I do to encourage her to be a real girl, instead of trying to be boyish girl? What are the risks if she continues to be like this (could she turn into gay/trans-gender etc.)? Many thanks!
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Parenting
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Answered in 5 hours by:
3/1/2010
Parenting Counselor: Jennifer, School Psychologist replied 8 years ago
Jennifer
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience: Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
Verified
Hello and thanks for using Justanswer.com!

There is nothing wrong with your daughter. As she enters into the teen years, two of her developmental tasks will be identity development (including the masculine / feminine role) and a movement toward independence.

She could simply be exploring who she is and trying out new things along the way. Her preferences may change several times over the next severeal years. There's no need to encourage her to be "more of a girl," in fact she may push back more simply because of the added pressure. There are no risks in losing interest in pink, skirts, etc. I'd be more concerned if you observed a drastic change in behavior that involved her daily moods, behaviors and self-esteem. If she seems like a happy child despite her change in interests, you have nothing to worry about.
Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Dear *****nifer,

Thank you very much for your reply. I wonder if her behavier has been influenced by her frienship with the boys - should she be encouraged to continue friendship with them? Also, after 2 years of my absence (my divorced ex's family have alienated her), we're getting back to our previous close relationship, but now after spending 1 day with me/my partner on weekend, she wouldn't sleep over for 1 night or go on a trip with us (she knows we love her very much) even every time she had a great time with us. What's stopping her and what should be my strategy to improve this situation (so that she can live with me happily like she did before)?
Parenting Counselor: Jennifer, School Psychologist replied 8 years ago
It could be influenced by her friendships, however both boys and girls could influence these preferences. Unless they are a bad influence on her behavior (getting into trouble, making her feel bad, etc.) then it doesn't sound like her friendships are a problem.

As for the overnight stay, look at it as her way of taking it slowly. A two year absence is a long time -- particularly to a child. She may just be opening back up slowly for fear of losing you again. Be honest with her -- Tell her you'd love to spend more time with her and ask her what she needs to feel comfortable with that. She may not be able to verbalize exactly why she isn't ready, so be empathetic and understanding in that regard. Move slowly... Invite her first for a full day. Then a full day / night. Allow a little space before inviting her for a weekend. Keep in mind that she may have friends at home she doesn't want to be away from for too long. Her friends are increasingly important to her at this age. One option may be to invite her over and allow her to invite a friend as well.
Jennifer
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience: Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
Verified
Jennifer and 87 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Dear *****nifer,
Thank you so much for your insightful advice - exactly what i needed. I will surely to ask you for advice again in future. I wish i knew of you and this site earlier! Would recommend to all.
Best regards,
Y
Parenting Counselor: Jennifer, School Psychologist replied 8 years ago
Thanks so much for the kind feedback! I'm glad you find this site useful. Please feel free to ask for me by name regarding any future matters. Best of luck with your daughter!
Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a parenting counselorLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask Jennifer Your Own Question
Jennifer
Jennifer
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 397
397 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.

Jennifer is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Cher

Cher

Teacher

110 satisfied customers

Extensive Experience working with Children/Teens; M.A. Teacher/Tutor 40+ yrs.; Parent of 2

Jennifer

Jennifer

School Psychologist

397 satisfied customers

Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.

professional_Alison

professional_Alison

Child Care

77 satisfied customers

Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

40 satisfied customers

Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist

Dr. Shirley Schaye

Dr. Shirley Schaye

Doctor

38 satisfied customers

PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy

Eveningstargazer

Eveningstargazer

Family Counselor

31 satisfied customers

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Family Counselor

21 satisfied customers

Licensed social worker and psychotherapist

< Previous | Next >

Related Parenting Questions
My son is 16 years old and he looks a little feminine he
My son is 16 years old and he looks a little feminine he loves all boy things and he hangs out with guys that look a little feminine my concern is that he is gay should a bring this up to him do you t… read more
Cher
Cher
Teacher
Masters Degree
110 satisfied customers
I am a parent of a thirteen year old girl. My daughter is
I am a parent of a thirteen year old girl. My daughter is part of a group friends who horseback ride together. She is a shy child. The ages of the group of girls she rides with range from 9 years old … read more
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
847 satisfied customers
My 13 year old daughter thinks she's transgender. I'm not
My 13 year old daughter thinks she's transgender. I'm not convinced that she isn't just trying to find a way to be different in a "cool and trendy" way. I would have no problem ultimately accepting he… read more
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
847 satisfied customers
My 11 year old daughter is a tom boy. She has been for the
My 11 year old daughter is a tom boy. She has been for the last 3 years, specifically. She dresses in boys clothes (won't wear girls jeans and t shirts), likes to go to barbers and gets boy's haircuts… read more
proexpert37
proexpert37
Educator
Master's Degree
691 satisfied customers
My daughter, who is 15, has told me that she has been thinking
My daughter, who is 15, has told me that she has been thinking about sex - although I;m glad she is telling me this, I'm sort of freaked out - how do I talk to her about this? I want to be understandi… read more
JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef-
JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef-
Educator
Bachelor's Degree
11 satisfied customers
Is there anything wrong with my 17yro daughter wearing mens
Is there anything wrong with my 17yro daughter wearing mens boxers instead of female underware? She says they are more comfortable but I am worried what her friend will think. I had to take her to the… read more
proexpert37
proexpert37
Educator
Master's Degree
691 satisfied customers
I have a question concerning parenting. I have a 17 year old
I have a question concerning parenting. I have a 17 year old very good daughter. She has been on a basketball team for 5 years. She is second string due to a new girl coming to the school the coach ba… read more
JaRee1993
JaRee1993
Mental Health Counselor
Master's Degree
30 satisfied customers
I have a question concerning parenting. I have a 17 year old
I have a question concerning parenting. I have a 17 year old very good daughter. She has been on a basketball team for 5 years. She is second string due to a new girl coming to the school the coach ba… read more
proexpert37
proexpert37
Educator
Master's Degree
691 satisfied customers
After having a discussion with my 5 year old daughters teacher
After having a discussion with my 5 year old daughters teacher this morning, I have learnt that she has a great friendship with a little girl but this has now become so exclusive that they no longer s… read more
KaterB1270
KaterB1270
129 satisfied customers
My daughter has befriended a girl from another state online
My daughter has befriended a girl from another state online "tumbler" and invited her to the house back in July of this year. At first I was Ok with it until my husband said he felt uncomfortable lett… read more
proexpert37
proexpert37
Educator
Master's Degree
691 satisfied customers
My daughter thinks she wants to be a man. I am devastated and
My daughter thinks she wants to be a man. I am devastated and dont know what to do or say to her. Her boyfriend of 6 years is gay or bysexual, she says. They are in their early 20s and just moved out … read more
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
847 satisfied customers
My doughter is nine years old. She is not able to make friends.
My doughter is nine years old. She is not able to make friends. She is a kind, friendly,smart girl. girls often not nice to her. for example today at the bus a girl brought candy offered to every one … read more
proexpert37
proexpert37
Educator
Master's Degree
691 satisfied customers
My husband and I are getting a divorce. We have not lived
My husband and I are getting a divorce. We have not lived in the same home since our daughter was 9 weeks old. She sees him (and his mistress) on a weekly basis (9 hour visits she does not spend the n… read more
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi
Doctoral Degree
1,564 satisfied customers
I dont know if this is the proper place to get answer or not
I don't know if this is the proper place to get answer or not but maybe someone can direct me. my daughter called me to tell me that my 6 yr old granddaughter pull her skirt and pantiesoff because ano… read more
Jennifer
Jennifer
School Psychologist
Master's Degree
397 satisfied customers
my child&a girl in school have not gotten along for 2 years.I
my child&a girl in school have not gotten along for 2 years.I recently was told by someone that my daughter better watch out because the girl was planning to drug her snapple at the lunch table. I imm… read more
danny541
danny541
Retired
608 satisfied customers
I have a 6 yr old daughter who is in Kindergartan. She ...
I have a 6 yr old daughter who is in Kindergartan. She always comes home from school saying that no one will play with her. She's very smart, very loud, but a very friendly and adorable girl. How do I… read more
Charlene Hertzberg
Charlene Hertzberg
Bachelor's Degree
38 satisfied customers
My daughter is awful towards my boyfriend whom I have been ...
My daughter is awful towards my boyfriend whom I have been with more than a year now. She is only 5 years old but spent the last year with my parents while I went away to work. She is now living with … read more
Walter
Walter
Just Answer Consultant
6,024 satisfied customers
our 12 year old daughter regularly comes out of the shower ...
our 12 year old daughter regularly comes out of the shower and walks around naked while getting changed, even in front of my husband or our son (17). Although it doesn't seem to be a problem, I think … read more
Don
Don
584 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x