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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
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My son said his friend laid on top of him and started motioning

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My son said his friend laid on top of him and started motioning and he couldnt get him off....the parent talked to my son for 2 hrs had dinner with them. She then sent him home and i was not told to the following day... I dont know what to do!?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

Have you talked with the other child's parents about this situation? I would recommend you do so. In a non-threatening way, ask if it would be alright to discuss something without the children present. This is a delicate conversation, so if it can be done in person and in a neutral place (e.g., in public) that would be better.

Explain that your son reported to you that something happened that you found to be upsetting -- both the incident itself and the fact that you weren't informed until the next day. Remember the incident itself is coming from a child's perspective, so give their son the benefit of the doubt. This could have been playful wrestling or it could have had sexual undertones. There's really no way to know. What you do know, however, is that your son was upset by the incident and that you are upset because you didn't find out until much later.

Next explain what it is you want. Does your son value that friendship? If so, you may need some parameters for when they play together (e.g., constant adult supervision, no overnights, etc.) Be sure to ask what they would like from you when their son plays at your house (showing respect for their wishes will make them more likely to respect yours).

If you don't talk to this boy's parents, you'll continue to be frustrated by what happened and uncertain whether to let them play together again for fear of what might happen. It may be a difficult discussion, so I'd recommend beginning with positives (about their son, the friendship your son values, and why you felt it's important to talk). I wish you the best of luck!
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Should I seek counseling for him? He has stated to my husband and i that he feels disgusting... It's a very overwhelming feeling to hear him say that; he's an awesome son, staright A's and loves sports and music. Now he's just SUPER out of it
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
It does sound like he's been pretty affected by the incident... Counseling certainly can't hurt. I would recommend contacting the school counselor or school psychologist at your son's school. They could meet with him in school counseling to try to sort through this situation with him and if that isn't enough they will have a list of counselors in the community other families at that school have found to be helpful. It will likely be brief, solution-focused therapy just to help him to understand the feelings he's associated with the event and move forward. Good luck!
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