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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
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I just found out that my exes girlfriend is making my son pull

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I just found out that my exes girlfriend is making my son pull down his pants and underwear and spanking him on the bare butt!! Is this leagal and do I have grounds to take him??? How would I go about doing it the right way. I dont think she is good for my son
Hello there,

Thanks for using!

Spanking is truly one of those touchy subjects when it comes to parenting and what is or isn't appropriate discipline. I, personally, am not in favor of spanking solely because I know there are so many other disciplinary methods that can change behavior. Laws regarding spanking differ state by state. For example, in my state parents are allowed to spank as long as they DO NOT use an object (e.g., belt, spoon, etc.) and it does not leave a mark. If either of those things happen it's considered child abuse and absolutely illegal. I've attached a link that may help you determine what the laws may be in your state: Be aware that I'm not sure whether this site is up to date... My area of expertise is parenting / relationships (as opposed to legal counsel).

An important issue here is the fact that you and your ex obviously are not employing the same disciplinary methods. You may want to sit down with him at a time neither of you are upset to discuss your feelings about spanking and how confusing it may be for your son to have such different consequences when he's at each of your homes. I don't know your son's age, but I've always found removing favored toys / privileges to be a successful consequence for misbehavior. This a short-term consequence (e.g., a few days) and can even be tied to a goal for what he needs to do to earn the toy or privilege back. If you're looking for more ideas on logical consequences, I'd recommend looking into the Love and Logic philosophy.

Best of luck with this situation. If you found this answer helpful, please click on "accept" and feel free to write again if you need further assistance!

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