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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
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I suspect that my 18 year old daughter is having an affair

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I suspect that my 18 year old daughter is having an affair with her 43 year old, married boss. What do I do?

The only way to know for certain is to ask her. Present her with the reasons why you suspect she's having this relationship and what your feelings are on this possibility. Know that she may not be truthful in her response, but she'll have a clear idea of your opinion on the matter regardless. Explain how much you value her honesty and how important it is for you to be honest with one another (which is why you're telling her your honest feelings about it). Also know that if she is not having this relationship, the accusation itself may be very hurtful. How certain are you? It's important to weigh the possible consequences before asking. In the end, however, it's the only way to find out while maintaining open communication with your daughter.

If you're satisfied with this answer, please click "accept." Feel free to ask more questions if you need further assistance! Best of luck with this situation. I imagine it's not a pleasant thing for you to think about.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Okay...first off she is my youngest of five and a very good drinking, smoking, partying. She is a very hard worker and is liked by most everyone. She has recently lost all her friends because they have questioned her about this relationship. I have been told by many that he has been kicked out off his house because his wife also suspects and that my daughter runs and hides in the office when his wife comes into the store. Her cell phone also proves it. Do I try and intervene or let it run its course. His wife is a sister to one of the teachers in high school and they are all talking about it. We also live in a very SMALL community!
It's obvious your instinct is telling you to intervene and based upon the information you've shared, I'd agree that you should. Even if it's not really happening, it sounds as though the rumors alone are causing her some difficulties socially. If nothing else, it's a good springboard for a discussion about reputations and why people may believe it is happening in the first place. If she truly is involved with her much older boss, then there is much more to discuss. At 18 she is an adult who can make her own decisions. However, I would hardly say an 18-year old is emotionally equipped to deal with the kind of relationship that involves a man in his forties. Not to mention the unethical aspect of a boss having a relationship with his employee. I would recommend talking to her. Frame the conversation with how much you love her and why this discussion is so important to you. I'd be happy to follow up with you on next steps depending on the outcome of this conversation. Again, be sure to "accept" if this answer is helpful to you. Good luck!
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