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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1525
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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I need advice about my 16 year old daughter. She has been in

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I need advice about my 16 year old daughter. She has been in a relationship for a year now. With a very controlling boyfriend. We have talked to the both of them how relationship should be. There should be trust both ways.
He is texting her all the time, who are you talking to, what are you doing.
If it takes her to long to respond her flips out on her.
He does what ever he wants with his friends or family. But she is not allowed to see her friends because he does not like them.
He did not want her to do cheerleading this season and she was going to quit after doing the sport for 8 years. But we would not allow her to quit.
He also through a mager fit when we told her we wanted her to go get her certification to become a lifegaurd. So she could work the summer at the local pool. He did not want her to do it. She was not going to but we made her. Do we end the relationship and only allow them to see each other at school? or do I let her learn from her mistakes? please help
Oh boy welcome to the world of raising a teenager. The ultimate dilemma for parents. You have options in this situation and so you need to do what you feel comfortable with. 1) Cut all contact off between the two of them. If she does not comply then there needs to be serious consequences ( you choose them). 2) Ler her learn from her mistakes. Take a hands off approach and let her make the decisions. 3) Support her in her decisions. This means that you don't have to approve of her decisions but you can be there with advice, caring, and love throughout the ordeal. So that is what I can think of. Now here is what I would do. Since she is a teenager and obviously does not know what a healthy relationship should look like, I would limit her contact with him. I would teach her and discuss with her what a controland abusive relationship looks like and what a healthy relationship looks like. Get her to think about these things and have her identify the good and the bad in the relationship. You want to keep communication open with her and you want to do this in a loving manner. You can also talk with the boy and his parents and let them know he is not allowed to contact her. I hope this helps. Good luck.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

We have tried talking to the boy and told him if things did not get better we would have to end it. He just not seem to care what we think.. He just keeps sucking her back in with promises and gifts. That was my thought was to allow her to continue to date but not see each other out of the school environment. I know he will end the relationship if we do that.

But how do I keep her from hating us for ending it. I have a very close relationship with her now and do not want that to end. She used to be very open with me and tell me everything. But lately when it comes to there relationship she does not tell me as much because she nows how I feel about it. I just dont want to lose what close relationship i have with her. I am afraid she will turn on me and start to do things I do not approve off.

she is a very good girl now other than this relationship problem.

Well at this point your sole responsibility as a parent is to protect your child from harm. This relationship is harmful to her. You know what's best for her because you are the adult and you can see the problems in the relationship that she cannot. If she is mad at you then she will get over it. If he will not leave her alone then you get a restraining order. You need to be prepared to do what it takes to protect her. Sure she might be mad but she will be better off in the long run. As you separate her from him you start to encourage her to do positive things in her life. Hang with friends, join an activity, date other boys, whatever ti may be. Remember do this in a caring manner with her input. If she "turns on you" then you reel her in with consequences. She is not the boss in the house. It is your rules and what you say goes. Remember that.
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