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danny541, Parenting Answer Team
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 909
Experience:  Have 5 children !
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i asked a question and I guess my pledge promise was not high

Customer Question

i asked a question and I guess my pledge promise was not high enough to get an answer. Now what should I do. I ask the question about my granddaughter having temper tantrums.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  danny541 replied 8 years ago.
Hello and welcome to Just Answer!

I'm sorry you had to wait,I just came on line and saw your question!

Is there a reason why she is having the temper tantrums? Is mom and dad together? A recent split up?

Other brothers or sisters?

Tell me about it and let's see if we can help!
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
My daughter is no longer the father. He moved to New Jersey in December and have not seen my granddaughter since April. Both my daughter and granddaughter have been living with my husband and I until last month. She works about an hour and a half from us and decided to move closer to work and took the baby with her. These temper tantrums have not just started but seems to be getting worse. She screams to the top of her lungs, falls on the floor and just wildly kicks. I know that she is in a different surrounding and I thought that maybe this could be the problem but I not sure. She is a very smart little girl, speaks very well and can remember things that happened last year. Things that we may have forgotten.

My husband and I thought that maybe we should bring her back home with us but don't know if that is the best thing to do. She really needs to be with her mom. Her mom just doesn't seem to have the patience to deal with her tantrums. She doesn't know how to handle them. I try to give her advice, but frankly none of my children ever had them.
Expert:  danny541 replied 8 years ago.
How old is your granddaughter?
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
She will 3 in November
Expert:  danny541 replied 8 years ago.
In my opinion your granddaughter is dealing with anxiety from, first her dad leaving her and then losing her grandparents after living with you!

She is expressing her anger in the only way she knows how, to get attention!

The first thing you all need to do, is to make her feel secure,she was moved too soon, after dad leaving,she saw that, then when she lost you too, she doesn't know who is leaving next,if its possible, that your daughter will let her spend some day's out of the week with you and your husband at your home, and then the rest of the week with her mom!

I can not stress how important it is, that she begin to feel like she has all of you, she is just too young to understand all that it is going on right now!

Mom will need to spend as much time with her as possible, and if dad can jump in somewhere it will be better for her, but if he won't then your daughter and you and your husband will have to suffice!

She's too young at the moment for counseling,so it would be better to follow this route!

You don't say if she is in daycare or at a babysitter while mom works, but that just show's her that mom leaves everyday and she is afraid mom won't come back,so she throws the tantrum and she gets lots of attention!

If you would like to discuss this further, I'm here for you all!

If not, please remember to click the green accept button, so the site pays me for my help!

Expert:  danny541 replied 8 years ago.
A few other points. Your granddaughter will recover from this, but it will take a lot of love and time to recover from it all, it didn't happen in a day,and hurt takes a long time to heal.

I believe even as adults if we are hurt by someone, we have issues with trusting the people who have hurt us,or forming a relationship with others, because we wonder if it will happen again,so we guard our hearts by not allowing others to get to close to us, and as a child this can be critical because we form ideas in our heads that as we grow older we close off our hearts to that man, or that friend or in law, because we believe it isn't worth it in the long run!

I hope the additional information can help you with your sweet granddaughter so she will grow into a great adult herself!

If you have any other questions at all about this that you would like to discuss,please just ask, I'm here for you!

If not, please remember to click the green accept button, so the site pays me for my help!