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Ask Cher Your Own Question
Cher, Teacher
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 21380
Experience:  Extensive Experience working with Children/Teens; M.A. Teacher/Tutor 40+ yrs.; Parent of 2
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does an abused child favor and try to make the abusive parent

Customer Question

does an abused child favor and try to make the abusive parent happy?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.

Yes, in most cases the abused child will favor and try to make the abusive parent happy, because the child will incorrectly think they are doing something wrong, to incur the abuse, and if they make the abusive parent happy, the abuse will stop. Typically, this will not be the case, but the child will continue to try to please the abusive parent, anyway.

If you can provide more details regarding this specific situation, I will try to help, further.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
just very disrespectful to the mother who is not the abusive parent,and very hurtful to her mom
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.
Hello again, and thanks for your reply.

If the child is disrespectful to the mother, who is not the abusive parent, she's taking out her frustrations and hurt, from the abuse, on her mother, because she feels 'secure' with her and fears no abuse from her. This is a typical scenario. If the mother is aware of the abuse, it's up to her to take actions to stop it, for the sake of the child. If you are not the mother, but are obviously involved in, or know of, the situation, you can also help with an anonymous call to Child Protective Services in your City.

The abused child would benefit from seeing a counselor or therapist, to know how to deal with the damage the abuse has caused, but it should not be allowed to continue, and it's up to the mother to protect the child in this way.