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danny541, Parenting Answer Team
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Have 5 children !
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is there something wrong with my daughter

Resolved Question:

She is 12 years old and tellin extreme lies to get attention, its been going on for about 6/7 months. From saying things like i have threw her down the stairs, and threw swiss army knives at her, this resulted in the high school she attends contacting social services, and them coming to see me and my partner at home. She did however admit in the end it was not true, and the case was closed. BUT!!! shes gone further now, telling the school shes been followed home from school, and raped and she thinks she may be pregnant. This also turned out to be a BIG lie, and nearly finished me off!!! She said how sorry she was and that it will never happen again, but the following day, i caught her leaving the house to catch the school bus, with a limp and bandage round her leg, i asked what she thought she was doing, the reply was, she sprained her ankle, even though the bandage was roung her knee. I went mad, she took it off and walked out minus the limp???? I cant take much more, PLEASE HELP!
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  danny541 replied 8 years ago.
Hello and welcome to Just Answer!

You say this started about 6 months ago, did something happen that may have been upset her?

Does her father live with you? New pardner? When?

How is her grades?

This will help in determining what is going on!
Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Me and her father seperated when she was 1 year old, i have been with current partner for the last 10 years, we are very happy, however her real father is not as reliable as we would like him to be, and has a newish partner who gave birth to a son 3 months ago, she also has 2 othe children from a previous relationship. they now live together in a 2 bed flat. The children now have my daughters bedroom. This upset her at first. But ok with it now. He sees her 1/2 nights every 2 weeks.

She also atarted high school in september, with only 1 primary school friend who she knows, as we moved area for her to go to a better school. Her grades started ok, but have started to drop. We have had meeting with the school regarding her behaviour and lateness. Even though she leaves for school in plenty of time to arrive early. They have placed her as cause for concern. We have spoke to her several times asking why shes being like this, butshe just shrugs her shoulders. We also have a 3 year old who lives with us, she is fine though. We both work and are happy in our relationship, so its a stable and supportive house, and happy most of the time. But at the moment its one thing after another with my eldest. We just want to help her, with whatever it is thats going on in her mind?

Expert:  danny541 replied 8 years ago.
I would say that she feels depressed and needy at the moment,her father has taken away her bedroom that was at his house, did he even ask her how she would feel about that?

If he didn't than that's a part of her problems. She has just entered a new school where almost nobody knows her so on top of that just starting at a new school and new to middle school is feeling like a small frog in a huge pond.

This can be very upsetting at her age, she is becoming a teenager with lots of things that are starting to hurt her, with at least one parent,and isn't coping well, which is why she is doing things to get attention, even if they are feeling sorry for her, its still attention,if it continues she will make her self very unhappy, not to mention the fighting that will happen because you don't understand why she is doing it.

I think as parents its time for all of you to sit and talk to her, first with mom and dad then later if you need to bring the other step-parents into the picture.

Dad needs to let her know he is sorry that he didn't talk to her before changing her room to someone else, and if he has plans for a bigger house, then make a place that will be just for her, so that she doesn't feel she is being replaced with other children. It would be ideal if he would spend more time with her also, he is her father.

As for you,I'm sure you have already told her how much you love and care for her,and let her know that if she continues to tell lies, eventually Social Services will be involved and she will have to go through counseling in order to be able to figure out what her deeper feeling's are on this.

It might even be a good idea to talk with a counselor if you can afford it, they can be expensive or find one that goes by what you make.

If you would like to discuss this further, I'm here for you and your daughter!

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I can tell you down the road if this continues, boy's are going to become part of the picture and even more problems you don't want, her grades will really suffer, you need to instill in her how important school is, but not push so hard that she feels overwhelmed!

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