Sorry for the delay, I had to step off line for a moment to deal with a situation.
I agree with you that this is not a issue that screams molestation or incest, but its also a situation which could and likely would end up with resentment out of both him and her if not addressed well. It sounds like he is working hard to show her that he is a active father in her life. Many men who wind up in divorce tend to over compensate to show their child that they are still dad. Over time this can get out of control and can cause conflict as well.
The fact is your feeling are very natural, as a women you want his attention as well and want to be treated as his partner.
The good news is there is a few things you can do to improve the situation without making it look like you are accusing him or cause her to resent you.
The first step is to sit down and talk to him, explain to him that you are so pleased that he has such a strong bond with his daughter and that it makes you proud to be with a man who loves his child enough to be a huge part of her life. Go on to explain to him, that while its wonderful he has such a strong bond with her sometimes you feel like you are a third wheel when you are out with him and her. Let him know it does bother you a little bit when you want to be holding his hand or playing with him, but feel like you are intruding.
By handling it this way, and putting it back on yourself he will be less defensive and hopefully see that he is neglecting you a little bit in favor of his daughter. The last thing you want to do is make him feel like he is wrong to shower her with so much attention, otherwise he is going to get defensive and feel like you are trying to take him away from his daughter.
Another thing you should do is be more assertive, when you are out grab his hand first. Do not just sit back and wait for him to remember you are there......by taking control of it he will naturally step it up with you. As for the cruise, since this was booked before you there isn't much you can do other then either let it go, or ask if you can go as well.
Does she have a boyfriend? If so, try inviting him on some of the outings. Talk to her, and ask her if she would like to invite him out when you are together. She will naturally show more attention to a boyfriend or even friends thus slowly ending some of the contact.