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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, #1 Just Answer Parenting Expert
Category: Parenting
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I am torn between staying home with my kids and working. Our

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I am torn between staying home with my kids and working. Our house requires both my husband and I to be employed. I always wanted to work and never planned to be home with my children. Once I had children, my choices changed and I want to be with them more. I am a professional and like what I do. I would not want to be home 100% but I dont' want to continue missing my young children's lives. How do I settle my internal conflict so I can peace inside? Thanks
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello Alisa,

Since you cannot or will not give up work, you will never be able to give 100% to both, you will always be split between the two worlds, that is the most common plight of the working woman. One of the things that can help is the time that you do have to spend with your children be quality time. If you are cooking dinner, have the kids help with dinner, help set the table and be involved in dinner conversation.

Over dinner you can have a game like "best and worst" where each person gets to tell the best and worst things that happened during their day. After dinner try to think of games that everyone can play together instead of putting on television, computers, video games and toys, play some family games, board games or sit around together and tell stories. Take a walk around the block together. On the weekends, don't just let the weekend pass by, at least one weekend a month plan something that everyone does together, it can be a picnic in the park, going to a museum or art gallery. Make sure everyone has a camera, so you can make photo albums. The more things you do as a family with your family, the time with them will start to feel more like 100%.

When you are home, leave work at work. Make sure each of your children get at least 15 minutes alone with you every day, even if it's at bedtime when you can talk and they can talk if they need to. It's not easy, but it definitely can be done. It's not always the amount of time that is spent, but the quality of it.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.


Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Thanks - I believe in quality over quantity too for time with my children. I just am not accepting working and raising kids. I can spend quality time but how do I feel good about my decision?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello Alisa,

You said it yourself that you need both parents working to keep your home in order. How can you argue with that? You work so that your children can have the things they need. You work to keep your family happy and so they can live a better life than if you didn't work. Children are children, and they will not likely resent you for not being home (as long as you are not working all the time and never with them) but will remember that you worked and provided for your family.

Unless we are rich or marry rich, we know that we will have to work to get the things we need and there is no shame or anything bad in that at all. It shows your children that you have ambition and that you know what it means to earn a living. Things they need to learn for when they eventually become adults. Don't feel bad for doing what needs to be done. Be proud that you have a job that allows you to provide for your family, when so many people are losing their jobs, homes and wondering what they will feed their children. I hope this helps. Let me know if you want to talk more.

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