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danny541, Parenting Answer Team
Category: Parenting
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My daughter is 3 years old and has not seen her biological

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My daughter is 3 years old and has not seen her biological father in 2 years. He was very abusive and I have a PFA against him. Since his recent arrest for not paying child support, he has petioned the courts for visitation and was granted supervised visitation 2 hours, every other week. My daughter took the initiative to start calling him, "daddy". I tried to explain to her that he was her friend, like mommy's friend, but she throw a tamtrum and refused. She began pointing out to me other kids with their daddies and drawing pictures of her, myself, and "daddy." I felt like I had not provided the best father for her, and since we are going to get married, I have allowed her to call him "daddy". Now the biological father looks like he might be coming back in the picture, I'm deathly afraid of that and what he may put into her head, but I'm not sure how to explain this situation to her either, as to why he's suddenly appearing. I'm not sure he will stay in the picture. HELP!!!
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  danny541 replied 8 years ago.
Hello and welcome to Just Answer !

Are you afraid he might be mentally abusive to her?

What kind of ideas are you afraid he might try to make her believe?

Do you really believe he will harm her?

Let's talk about your fears of what he may do.
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Hey Danny!! Yes, he will definitely try to feed things into her head. I've been worried sick about this. I am afraid he is using her to get back at me because I have a boyfriend. He has been slashing his tires and egg-ing his car and he has told people that "this will really break them up". When he had unsupervised visitation before, he drove her down the city to cop drugs, taught her that "mommy is a bitch", and other curse much stuff that it's ridiculous. But now that's she's older, I know that she'll definitely remember these, I'm scared for her safety!!! I had his rights taken away before, but it has been 2 yrs now, and when we went to court, he told the judge that he's clean now--which I know he's not, cause he has pending drug charges, and I hear all about his addiction, but word of mouth is not proof, u know? He told me that he wishes she was never born and that he doesn't love her.....and being that he acts so much like a child, I'm afraid he'll influence her mind to think crazy things.
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
he has also left her alone in the house, feel asleep -"crashed" from coming off speed and never heard her crying....friends walked in the house, found her, fed her and called me to pick her up
Expert:  danny541 replied 8 years ago.
He wouldn't be my choice of father of the year, but your right if these things are just things he told to you then you have little chance of putting a stop to it.

However that being said, if he has told this to others then its a chance that a judge would take all this into the case and make a decision on it.

You say he told the judge he was no longer into drugs but he has pending charges on him, which is proof that he lied about it.

And I believe you could ask childrens services to step in and make a decision on whether its a good idea to allow him unsupervised visits.

These friends that walked into the house and found her alone and crying should be able to tell what they saw.In the end it will be the decision of the court what is allowed.

But I would ask the court to do an evaluation on him, as to if he fit, having him drop urine to be sure he isn't using is a good idea also.

I would let them make a evaluation on both households where you can voice all your concerns on this and see what they can come up with to help !

Then watch to see what he does, he may grow bored when his life is cluttered up with all the extra problems involved with it all, or he could try to start more problems.

And I would see what proof you can come up with about the damages he is causing to your boyfriend's car!

If you need to discuss this further , please ask !

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Positive feedback is appreciated !
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