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danny541, Parenting Answer Team
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Have 5 children !
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i have a 13 year old and she is threatening to runaway and

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i have a 13 year old and she is threatening to runaway and that she does not care about life and she hates all of us. What can we do as parents? She feels that she does not have respect me and her dad, she hangs out with a boy that got exspelled from her school for having pot on him while he was at school
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  danny541 replied 8 years ago.
Hello and welcome to Just Answer!

How long has she been acting this way?

Has anything happened to cause this type of attitude?

Are you both her parents, no step-parent?

Any reason to believe she has tried pot, with this boy?

Is she dating?
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
She really started acting out since last year,but it has just gotten worse.I really don't know of anything that would make her act out like that,but all i know is that she has alot of anger towards me.Yes we are both her parents.I would have to say I really don't know if she has tried pot with this boy but I do know is she is always trying to impress her friends.She says this boy is her boyfriend
Expert:  danny541 replied 8 years ago.
Many teenagers will go through a period that when the authority figure in their life is someone they are angry at, you represent the last word, that she must live by.

Most teenagers will have a time when they think that they want to run away, because things are not working out at home the way she wants it to.
You say she tries to impress her friends, I wonder what type of parents does he have, if their attitude is to not address his problems of school and smoking pot, its possible your daughter sees him as someone that has a great life and freedom on his own terms and sees it as a way she wants her own life to be!

Much of this if you don't panic is something she will grow out of as long as she has your love and understanding, but its good to set down some ground rules also.

First ask her if the two of you can talk, take her out for a dish of ice cream, or a lunch and ask her why she is so unhappy that she feels she wants to run away to be happy.

Ask her why she doesn't respect you as a parent, why it changed. What can the two of you work out to change the way she feels. Write out a contract of what her needs are as far as you as a parent is concerned,and how can it be made better.

Let her know you will not accept yelling or being disrespectful and if it continues there are consequences that will happen, and stick to it.

If you are not constant then she knows you will give in the longer she tries to get on your nerves. Be sure dad and you are on the same page, if he changes the rules she will figure, if mom won't dad will.

No 13 year old, knows exactly what they want out of life, she is insecure and may be listening to the boy too much, you didn't say how old he is, but if hes older or has more freedom then you will need to stop this relationship, he is not the type of role model you want her to model herself after. But you can't just say, no you can no longer be around him, because she will fight you on it, and sneak to see him.

So you want to let her know he may be a nice young man but you are worried because smoking pot can lead to problems you don't want her to have to deal with. Let her know above all that you love her and want her to be happy, but her grades in school can not slip and she must follow the rules you set down. Make sure she understands.

Teenagers have it much harder then when we were in school, and its getting worse, with guns and drugs, divorce, are just the top three!

If it continues no matter what you try, then counseling is another route to go, if needed!

If you need more help, please ask. If not please click the green accept button.

And positive feedback is really appreciated!
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