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Ask Carol Kryder Your Own Question
Carol Kryder
Carol Kryder, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience:  Substance Abuse Professional- 18 years experience working with adolescents and adults
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My son is in a dilema. He told me that he thought about sex

Customer Question

My son is in a dilema. He told me that he thought about sex and having a girlfriend ever since he was 11. He was a very popular kid in primary school and was always inviting different girls home. In secondry school, in year 8 there was a class about how jewish people are circumcised at birth, which he found very imbarasing and since then he hasn't had a girlfriend, he ignores girls even though he wants them and hes just waiting until he can move back to israel (where we are from). Ever since that class happened (2 years ago), he faded away from his friends just because they where interested in girls and he felt he couldn't handle everyone knowing about his circumcision as it isn't very acceptable in a school in england. He went and hanged around with people who hadn't reached that stage yet and now they have, and he can't go and get girls again, and hes going crazy. Hes very annoyed that we moved from israel when he was 4. And he shuts himself off just because of that. He said that if he was in israel he would have grown up properly and would have had everything he wanted and needed in life instead of being stuck on the computer with no friends. What can i do?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Carol Kryder replied 8 years ago.

You don't say how old your son is, but it sounds to me like he is going through normal adolescent angst, and is trying to manipulate you or at least blame you for his misery. Don't let him do that to you. He believes his life will be better in Israel, and maybe it will, but he needs to learn how to manage himself wherever the family is living. If he really wants friends, he can have them, even in England. I think he is using the fact of his circumcision to isolate himself from girls and is blaming you, when in fact, he is afraid of rejection.

You may wish to consult a family therapist who can dig a little deeper and find out what is really going on with him. I doubt that he will go on his own, so my suggestion is that you go as a family and talk to the therapist about why he believes he cannot make friends. This is a treatable problem, so find a therapist who can help you with this issue.

Warmest regards,