Parenting

Have Parenting Questions? Ask a Parenting Counselor for Answers

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Parenting
This answer was rated:

Im concerned for my 7 yr old son, he has a unhealthy interest

I'm concerned for my 7...
I'm concerned for my 7 yr old son, he has a unhealthy interest in his and other boy's private parts. He has been caught playing 'docters' and what he calls 'willy bottom games' . We have told him that his feelings are fine but it is wrong to play those games. He promised not to play them again, but I caught him recently playing 'docters' he also told the other slightly younger boys not to tell. He was however very honest with me about it. I am so worried that I have stopped him going to friends and vice versa.
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Answered in 6 hours by:
1/7/2009
Ms Chase
Ms Chase, #1 Just Answer Parenting Expert
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2,897
Experience: Just Answer Parenting Mentor, Emotional, Behavioral & Physical Issues. Babies to Teens.
Verified
Hello,

I have a few questions.

Are you the mom or dad? What is the other parents role in his life?

When did he start this behavior?

Who are the other boys?

How did you react the first time it happened?

Has he ever been touched or abused that you know of?

How is his behavior otherwise?

Can you tell me exactly what he does when he plays doctors or willy bottoms?

Chase
Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Customer reply replied 9 years ago
Hi there ,I am his mother,his father lives with us and is a strong role model.The other boys ,one was a friend(the same age),the other two we children of our best friends that he has always known, they are 3 and 4yrs of age. The first time I was completely shocked and in dis-belief but reacted very calmly,we talked through why it was wrong to play those games but not wrong to have those feelings. We talked through right and wrong to make sure he understood the difference. He was very forth coming although embarrased. He knew that the games were wrong. As far as I know he has not been abused. He is a funny outgoing child with people he knows, he is embarrased easily and is very shy with people he does not know well. The first time he played his games they sucked each others genitals and took turns in putting their genitals in each others bottoms, I was greatly shocked by this and it has been incredibly hard to deal with. It's hard enough writing it down. The second time was just looking at each others genitals and bottoms. Both times clothes were removed and games were instigated by my son.thankfully all parents involved were very understanding. He really is such a lovely boy, he does like to play imaginary games alot and although he is social he prefers to play alone most of the time at school, although he loves school and the people there. many thanks Heidi Harris
Customer reply replied 9 years ago
Was not sure if you received my reply to you. I sent it yesterday,
Heidi,

I apologize I had not seen your answer sooner.

Can I ask you one more question, how old was he when he did the first 'game' you talked about?

Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Customer reply replied 9 years ago
It has only been in the last 6 months or less that we believe he has begun to play these games. Probably closer to 3 months if I think about it
Customer reply replied 9 years ago
sorry I wasn't sure if you got my last message.
Hello Heidi,

Im posting a response for you now if you want to give me a few minutes.

Chase
Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Customer reply replied 9 years ago
Great ,thank you.
Hello Heidi,

Although it's not something a mom wants to hear and I understand how frightening and shocking this behavior can be, I have to start off by saying that you can get through this, but you do have to try and get to the bottom of it. What he's doing is not behavior he 'figured out' on his own, this is learned behavior. My first suggestion would be to sit him down, or take him for a ride for some ice cream or something non-threatening, and question him about whether someone has done this to him (just you and him). Sadly enough, if someone has touched him or abused him in someway, studies have shown that it's more than likely someone you know or someone you are close to. He is the best person to be able to tell you where this behavior came from, although he may not want to, and may not tell you. Don't question him aggressively, or in an angry way, be very friendly and almost playful with him. Let him know it's just you and him, and he can tell you anything and you won't get angry at him, and that whatever has happened you will still love him and care for him and protect him.

I want to say that it's possible this is something he could have seen on a pornographic video, it could be something he experienced with other children when spending the night out, or something an adult has done to him that he is now acting out. This isn't children playing doctor or just being curious, the sucking itself shows that it's not something natural that he would have normally thought to do on his own, as well as the sodomy reenactment.

Whether he tells you anything useful or not, I suggest that he enters therapy. You can talk to your family physician and see if they can recommend a child therapist. This is not likely a behavior that he will stop on his own, and if its not resolved, he can and will cause damage to other children. You could be opening yourself to criminal charges being brought against him, and him developing a reputation and possibly a criminal record at some point for this sexual behavior.

With work, a good therapist could get to the bottom of why he's doing this and help him to understand that it's not right for children and perhaps help him develop coping skills to avoid repeating the behavior.

Again, I understand how upsetting this is, but I must emphasize how important it is for you to get to the bottom of this. If someone if molesting him, it's important that you find out who it is, and if he's picking it up from somewhere else, you need to know that as well. I welcome your thoughts, and I'm here if you want to talk more.

Chase
Ms Chase
Ms Chase, #1 Just Answer Parenting Expert
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2,897
Experience: Just Answer Parenting Mentor, Emotional, Behavioral & Physical Issues. Babies to Teens.
Verified
Ms Chase and 87 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Ms Chase Your Own Question
Ms Chase
Ms Chase
Ms Chase, #1 Just Answer Parenting Expert
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2,897
2,897 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Just Answer Parenting Mentor, Emotional, Behavioral & Physical Issues. Babies to Teens.

Ms Chase is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Cher

Cher

Teacher

94 satisfied customers

Extensive Experience working with Children/Teens; M.A. Teacher/Tutor 40+ yrs.; Parent of 2

Jennifer

Jennifer

School Psychologist

77 satisfied customers

Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.

professional_Alison

professional_Alison

Child Care

77 satisfied customers

Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

40 satisfied customers

Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist

Dr. Shirley Schaye

Dr. Shirley Schaye

Doctor

38 satisfied customers

PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy

Eveningstargazer

Eveningstargazer

Family Counselor

31 satisfied customers

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Family Counselor

21 satisfied customers

Licensed social worker and psychotherapist

< Previous | Next >

Related Parenting Questions
This questions is about child psychology. Our dance teacher
This questions is about child psychology. Our dance teacher is preparing our child for a dance competition. She keeps telling the child not to be nervous , not to be afraid. It seems to produce an opp… read more
Gaurav Gupta
Gaurav Gupta
MD, CEO
Post-Doctoral Degree
22 satisfied customers
I am a father of two, a four year old girl and a two year
Hi Pearl I am a father of two, a four year old girl and a two year old boy. I would like to get some advice on how to calmly handle my two year old. He is quite a handful, and it gets especially frust… read more
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
Licensed Professional Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
56 satisfied customers
My 13 year old daughter currently lives with my parents (her
My 13 year old daughter currently lives with my parents (her grandparents). My current wife (her stepmom) and I are visiting my parents for the holidays with our two daughters. My daughter who lives w… read more
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
Licensed Professional Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
56 satisfied customers
My 11 year old stepdaughter is causing problems between my
My 11 year old stepdaughter is causing problems between my boyfriend and I, we live together, and one of her biggest issues is that she doesn't stop lying, her lies go from “I didn't do it-to lying to… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My step daughter is 22 and opted to come back to live with
My step daughter is 22 and opted to come back to live with us. I've been with her mom for 10 years now and this child now adult has always been very selfish. She puts herself first for everything and … read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
Our son, who is in grade 3, has severe dyslexia, as well as
Our son, who is in grade 3, has severe dyslexia, as well as dysgraphia) which was diagnosed in grade one, but through the psych assessment we also learned he has extremely high cognitive ability. For … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I have a 6 year old about to turn seven.and im trying to
i have a 6 year old about to turn seven.and im trying to teach him discipline because i don't wanna spank or hit. So ive been introducing tasks around the house. And geting him to say yes sir and no s… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I need adice how to approach a adopted daughter whom has
Hi, I need adice how to approach a adopted daughter whom has started spreading untruths this is a brief only Thank you janys… read more
CamilleRN
CamilleRN
Registered Nurse, Director of Nursing
4,150 satisfied customers
Dear dr. my son is 12 years old he is smart in every think
dear dr. my son is 12 years old he is smart in every think but when ever we will ask him to study he dont like. he make the face and you fell that he is sick. he sit long time for one subject to do hi… read more
danny541
danny541
Retired
608 satisfied customers
I raised my little girl for almost 4 years very close to me,
i raised my little girl for almost 4 years very close to me, to build a strong bond. i was a young single mom and did the best i knew how. i then ended up introducing someone into both of our lives th… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I have an 11 year old boy that is not doing his work in
I have an 11 year old boy that is not doing his work in school. I have put him on punishment, and he knows I am in constant contact with his teacher. It is not that he can't do his work, it is that he… read more
Dr. Y. Vasavada
Dr. Y. Vasavada
Consultant Pediatrician
Doctoral Degree
2,246 satisfied customers
Whats the best rated kindergartens and elementary schools in
whats the best rated kindergartens and elementary schools in the orange county and LA area.… read more
Michael
Michael
Research Librarian
Bachelor\u0027s Degree
86 satisfied customers
This is not a duplicate question) This question is for a
(This is not a duplicate question) This question is for a parenting expert. I have a 5 year old pre-adoptive child in my home. I am her 5th placement in 3 years. This week, she received a diagnosis of… read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Associate Professor of Communication
Doctoral Degree
102 satisfied customers
My three year old turning four in September still isn't
my three year old turning four in September still isn't potty trained. When he was two and a half his grandmother saw that he accidentally pooped his pants had lost her mind held him on the toilet and… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My step son argues with me about everything I say. I'm tired
I'm tired of it and want to say something in a loving way … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
The internet says that when actress, Bette ******, passed
The internet says that when actress, Bette ******, passed away, she disinherited her daughter, B.D. *******, because B.D. ****** wrote a book about her saying that she was a drunk and all of that. In … read more
LegalGems
LegalGems
Juris Doctorate
10,718 satisfied customers
Far, I have only read chapter one of the book titled" Eyre"
far, I have only read chapter one of the book titled "Jane Eyre" by Charlotte Bronte. In chapter one, ***** *****, the son of the Reed family, scolds Jane Eyre for reading one of the Reed family's boo… read more
Cher
Cher
Teacher
Masters Degree
94 satisfied customers
I am currently married with 2 children: a 5 year old girl
I am currently married with 2 children: a 5 year old girl who will be 6 y/o on March, 2018 and my son who will be 3 years old this month (nov, 2017).Their personalities are very different and I'm very… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x