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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, #1 Just Answer Parenting Expert
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Just Answer Parenting Mentor, Emotional, Behavioral & Physical Issues. Babies to Teens.
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Im concerned for my 7 yr old son, he has a unhealthy interest

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I'm concerned for my 7 yr old son, he has a unhealthy interest in his and other boy's private parts. He has been caught playing 'docters' and what he calls 'willy bottom games' . We have told him that his feelings are fine but it is wrong to play those games. He promised not to play them again, but I caught him recently playing 'docters' he also told the other slightly younger boys not to tell. He was however very honest with me about it. I am so worried that I have stopped him going to friends and vice versa.

I have a few questions.

Are you the mom or dad? What is the other parents role in his life?

When did he start this behavior?

Who are the other boys?

How did you react the first time it happened?

Has he ever been touched or abused that you know of?

How is his behavior otherwise?

Can you tell me exactly what he does when he plays doctors or willy bottoms?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Hi there ,I am his mother,his father lives with us and is a strong role model.The other boys ,one was a friend(the same age),the other two we children of our best friends that he has always known, they are 3 and 4yrs of age. The first time I was completely shocked and in dis-belief but reacted very calmly,we talked through why it was wrong to play those games but not wrong to have those feelings. We talked through right and wrong to make sure he understood the difference. He was very forth coming although embarrased. He knew that the games were wrong. As far as I know he has not been abused. He is a funny outgoing child with people he knows, he is embarrased easily and is very shy with people he does not know well. The first time he played his games they sucked each others genitals and took turns in putting their genitals in each others bottoms, I was greatly shocked by this and it has been incredibly hard to deal with. It's hard enough writing it down. The second time was just looking at each others genitals and bottoms. Both times clothes were removed and games were instigated by my son.thankfully all parents involved were very understanding. He really is such a lovely boy, he does like to play imaginary games alot and although he is social he prefers to play alone most of the time at school, although he loves school and the people there. many thanks Heidi Harris
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Was not sure if you received my reply to you. I sent it yesterday,

I apologize I had not seen your answer sooner.

Can I ask you one more question, how old was he when he did the first 'game' you talked about?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
It has only been in the last 6 months or less that we believe he has begun to play these games. Probably closer to 3 months if I think about it
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
sorry I wasn't sure if you got my last message.
Hello Heidi,

Im posting a response for you now if you want to give me a few minutes.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Great ,thank you.
Hello Heidi,

Although it's not something a mom wants to hear and I understand how frightening and shocking this behavior can be, I have to start off by saying that you can get through this, but you do have to try and get to the bottom of it. What he's doing is not behavior he 'figured out' on his own, this is learned behavior. My first suggestion would be to sit him down, or take him for a ride for some ice cream or something non-threatening, and question him about whether someone has done this to him (just you and him). Sadly enough, if someone has touched him or abused him in someway, studies have shown that it's more than likely someone you know or someone you are close to. He is the best person to be able to tell you where this behavior came from, although he may not want to, and may not tell you. Don't question him aggressively, or in an angry way, be very friendly and almost playful with him. Let him know it's just you and him, and he can tell you anything and you won't get angry at him, and that whatever has happened you will still love him and care for him and protect him.

I want to say that it's possible this is something he could have seen on a pornographic video, it could be something he experienced with other children when spending the night out, or something an adult has done to him that he is now acting out. This isn't children playing doctor or just being curious, the sucking itself shows that it's not something natural that he would have normally thought to do on his own, as well as the sodomy reenactment.

Whether he tells you anything useful or not, I suggest that he enters therapy. You can talk to your family physician and see if they can recommend a child therapist. This is not likely a behavior that he will stop on his own, and if its not resolved, he can and will cause damage to other children. You could be opening yourself to criminal charges being brought against him, and him developing a reputation and possibly a criminal record at some point for this sexual behavior.

With work, a good therapist could get to the bottom of why he's doing this and help him to understand that it's not right for children and perhaps help him develop coping skills to avoid repeating the behavior.

Again, I understand how upsetting this is, but I must emphasize how important it is for you to get to the bottom of this. If someone if molesting him, it's important that you find out who it is, and if he's picking it up from somewhere else, you need to know that as well. I welcome your thoughts, and I'm here if you want to talk more.

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