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danny541, Parenting Answer Team
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 909
Experience:  Have 5 children !
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I have may grandchildren but one of them is a handfull. Brendan

Customer Question

I have may grandchildren but one of them is a handfull. Brendan is almost 8 years old and his Mom, my daughter is divorced. He has a 5 year old brother. Their father is remarried and his new wife doesn't want him having much to do with his boys. He does whatever the new wife says. Brendan is now becoming a real bully. He orders everyone around, not just his little brother. If it's not his idea, then it's no good. No matter what my daughter tries, he constantly tries to have things his way. When they get home from school and my daughter gets home from work, her evenings are a nightmare. My husband and myself are Grammy and Pappy. They love to come to our house and never want to leave. My husband is their only father figure, maybe that's why and he was a sergeant in the Marines and does not tolerate Brendan's behavior. Brendan talks back to his mother (& me when I have him) all the time and he "threatens" her, that if she yells at him, he's going to tell Pappy that she's a bad Mom.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  danny541 replied 8 years ago.
Hello and welcome to Just Answer!

Does the father no longer see him at all ?

How often do you see him? What have you and his mother tried so far?
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
His dad sees him every month or so. Suppose to be every 2 weeks but it doesn't happen that often. My husband is the only one that he listens to. Everytime his Mom or I scold him, he wants me to call my husband, his Pappy to come take care of him. I don't like the way he threatens us, "if you yell at me I'm going to call Pappy and tell on you". My husband & I see him and his brother several times a week. They live 15 minutes away from us. I think he needs consistency. My daughter doesn't always follow thorugh on what she says or she's way too strict with him. There's no middle ground.
Expert:  danny541 replied 8 years ago.
Since he seems to have a rapport with your husband, then I suggest, that he sits and has a talk with him, of how important it is that he act and show respect towards you and his mother, and if he doesn't then he will be sent to a time out, in a corner or a room, for a while until he can be respectful!

I say this because, he already seems to understand that grandpa is to be respected. I would not back down to him, I would let him know you love him very much and grandpa can not rescue him, whenever he decides he doesn't like something. I would also let your daughter know that she must take a firmer hand with him, at this point he can learn, but if this continues, it will get much worse as he gets older. A bully always does, besides the fact that its not fair to the other children to be afraid of him!

Also, he might benefit from counseling! A child has to have learned this from somewhere, while I don't know what his father is like, if he has been around this type of behavior then he has learned it and knows it will work!

In fact, his mother could also go with him and learn better parenting skills of how to cope with a child that reacts in this way, it depends on the counselor, they might want to talk to the rest of the family.

Dad also needs to take a more active role in his life and support your daughter in this, and if needed a counselor could tell him how important it is to help and support in his sons way to better health!

I welcome your thoughts or questions on this!I'm here if you have more you wish to discuss on this!