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This is just one day in the life of my nephew. There are…

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This is just one day...
This is just one day in the life of my nephew. There are tons just like it. My sister, his mother, came over to pick our mother and me up at my mother's apartment. Within five minutes, my sister started an argument with my elderly mother about something as ridiculous as Wheel of Fortune is a stupid program. She loves to start an argument about anything that comes her way. Well, after about 15 minutes of Wheel of Fortune arguing, she says we are all negative, tells my nephew (7 years old) who is enjoying playing Cartoon Network on my laptop, "Let's go, we're leaving." My sister sees me about one day a month because I live out of town. To back up a bit, it was a cold, rainy evening, and my nephew shows up in a short sleeved shirt without a jacket. I instantly put a turtleneck on him, and he was more comfortable. I have more to say, but this only holds so many characters, but have written before, and get to write more once you have written back. So please.
Submitted: 10 years ago.Category: Parenting
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Answered in 24 minutes by:
6/9/2008
Parenting Counselor: danny541, Parenting Answer Team replied 10 years ago
danny541
danny541, Parenting Answer Team
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Customer reply replied 10 years ago
When my sister said, "we're leaving," my mother said, "don't penalize the child." I said, "Why don't we just change the subject." And, fortunately my sister went along with that. We made it to a restaurant. On the way, it had begun to start raining slightly. At the booth, my sister said, "I am always grouchy if I do not take Vicodin." Knowing this could lead to an argument, I gently said, "well, maybe that is because your ankles hurt without it." But, the crux of the matter is we (the family) have all noticed her irritability, argumentation and neglect of my nephew. But, my sister is so volatile, we all just try to keep the peace because she lashes out as us otherwise. Well, at this point, I think it is time to start thinking about the child. I have all along. On the way out of the restaurant, as if a cry for help, and out of nowhere (no prodding on my part), my nephew turns back to me and says, "my mom is always grouchy and yelling at me." It had now started to rain more heavily to the point of needing windshield wipers. My sister knew this already, but the windshield wipers did not work. My mother, nephew, sister and I drove, possibility with my sister under Vicodin, in heavy rain with no wipers. I was in the front seat, and could not see, so I know my sister could not see (she was driving). She knew about the wipers. On an aside, I had given this sister a cell phone with charger a month before. She did not have it with her. Only I had mine with me. We ultimately had to call her loser boyfriend to come get us. He knew the wipers were not working, but had so far failed to fix them although it rains at least every other day if not every day in Minnesota. In the midst of things, I said to my nephew, "hey, maybe next time I come to town, you will be out of town, and can stay overnight." My sister heard this but had no response at this time. A few days later, I called my sister who can be bad with dates and times to tell her the dates I would be in town and if my nephew could stay overnight. She just laid into me about how she did not understand why people think he is better off staying at my mother's apartment than on the beautiful lakehome she has. I remained calm, and told her that I merely wanted to play with him, and if she preferred he stay out there, I could come there. BUT, she wanted to argue. She criticized my mom's apartment, and me. I do not work, and she said, "If you cannot work, you definitely cannot take care of a seven year old." I still remained calm even though insulted (I am 46 years old, and retired early) and said that my mother would be there, and she works and would supervise. My sister would not let up. Finally, she got me. And, I said, "you know, you have to find an argument in everything and everyone notices it, and a simple no to having him stay overnight would have sufficed." She hung up the phone, and proceeded to drive over to my mother's (who had nothing to do with the call), to say she nor I could EVER see my nephew again. Then, a few days later another innocent sister called her, and the volatile sister told her she never wanted anything to do with her either. I feel a lot of this is coming from her boyfriend who hates everyone in my family, but I feel it is very narcotics-related, too. Here is the thing. I think my nephew is in danger. He is far too thin. He runs around without a coat in Minnesota. His mother admits she takes Vicodin frequently. He rides in a malfunctioning car. And, now he is being cut off, being used as a pawn, from people who love him and do not yell at him. But, my other family members tell me not to call the authorities. That she will just get more mad, and do something more drastic like call our jobs, and tell lies about us, to try to get us fired. Yes, she has threatened this kind of action. She is downright mean, even to the point of evil. She is an atheist. She will not let my nephew watch Hannah Montana, but on another occasion put "Sunset Boulevard," the dark movie with Gloria Swanson in the DVD player for us (my nephew included) to watch. To go back to just the one-day example, is my nephew in danger if he is riding with a Vicodin-induced mother, who has no windshield wipers in the rain, no coat, is admittedly grouchy when she does not have Vicodin, and the child relays she is "always grouchy and yelling at him," and cuts him off from loved ones out of spite. What should I do? My family is terrified of her if I rock the boat. But, what if my nephew ends up really hurt or worse?
Parenting Counselor: danny541, Parenting Answer Team replied 10 years ago

First of all, take care of your nephew and repot to Children's services what is going on. tell the rest of the family to have a talk with their bosses and let them know what is going on so in case she tries to cause trouble in that area or others that you are all protected.

The boy is suffering and you may be his only salvation from being hurt seriously. Anytime a family member has a drug problem the children and family suffer for it. You must step in now maybe have what they call a intervention, she should not have been driving a car with no windshiels wipers, itnot only dangerous on her part and against the law, sh might have killed you all or seriously injured someone else, then how would you have felt when a phone call would have stopped it all.

But this child needs to go into protective custody, before he is badly hurt. Vicodin taken for a short time when needed is one thing, but if she is taking too many and abusing them by getting high, it can cause mood swings, irritability and yelling at everyone.

Get your nephew the help he needs before he is scarred permanatly !

danny541
danny541, Parenting Answer Team
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Customer reply replied 10 years ago
I agree. My family will consider me a troublemaker, which I already am for making that innocent call about the dates and times. (One error I made which I think you understood which does not really matter is I typed "out of town" when I meant "out of school." My nephew has also broken his arm while under the supervision of the "boyfriend" and hand in the care of my sister, and living by the lake is in danger in that she once saw him right down by the lake. She had turned her back, and the next thing she knew she saw him down at the edge of the lake. On another occasion, under the supposed supervision of the boyfriend, he was outside by the lake, and suddenly found himself alone. The boyfriend had wandered off, and my nephew found his way home, and my sister said he was terrified. He had never been alone before, and was not sure where he was. He has been known to say, "Oh mom, please don't yell so much." I have witnessed her spank him, which is not a crime, but she spanks him as he is walking which causes his back to jerk and could hurt his back. If a spanking is required, it should be over the knee, where the rest of his body is not stressed. The rest of the family is so nice to him, and I think a part of it is jealousy because he responds to us so happily. Instead of being happy about this that her son has such joy, she cuts him off from it to satisfy her own abusive agenda.
Parenting Counselor: danny541, Parenting Answer Team replied 10 years ago

Then you are certainly must play the bad guy, for this boy's sake. I have never felt spanking or punishment is out of order if neccessary, but there is a way to do this with out causing harm. He should never have been left down by a lake on his own, and since it frightened him, it was bad judgement on mom's part.

If boyfriend is also irresponsible enough to wander when the boy is in his care then he shouldn't be watching him on his own.

I wonder if he is on drugs also. For your nephew's sake and care turn it in even if it causes you to be the bad person. His safety is what needs to come first always and someday he will thank you for it !

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Customer reply replied 10 years ago
Talked to a sister (the one that was innocently outed) who still contends that if "reported" or actually my nephew gets some protection, my sister will become so vicious she may become violent. I am not scared of her, but my siblings and mother are. I am in such a weird spot. My sister feels that if there is any more "trouble" (reporting my sister's abuse and neglect), my mother will have a heart attack and die. This is terrible.
Parenting Counselor: danny541, Parenting Answer Team replied 10 years ago

Then the ball is in your court. Its a terrible decision to have to make, even if you report it secretly the finger will still be pointed at you ! Is your mother in that kind of bad health ? Maybe you should try talking to your mom , what does she think you should do, mother's usually know what is best and what effect it will have on her !

Tell her how you feel and go by what she says, It is a terrible thing ! That your sister is doing, but you are the only one who can decide which is the lessor evil !

I wish you luck !

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