I apologize for the late response, I had a small family emergency today, but all is well.
It can be disconcerting to say the least when someone you care about does an 'about face'...in your case at a most inconveniently vulnerable time. I can tell that having this baby was something that you must have thought about for a very long time, and your expectations were very high, and set into how you wanted things to go. That's not to say that we get our way under all circumstances, but of course we have our ideals of what we think is best for our lives. The botXXXXX XXXXXne being, you did everything in your power to make sure that he understood where you were coming from....that he knew what your 'plan' was and that he agreed to it. He is the one who reneged on the plan, but there is really no way to know prior that he would. Even if you could have taken into consideration his first child's mothers reasons for making him leave, you couldn't have know that it would be the same with you. I say this because in some ways you sound like you blame yourself. While you may have made some decisions you regret now, you made the best decision you knew how to make at the time. If you ask me, you STILL are a woman not to be messed with. You are in town without family, you are raising your son AND a business and yet, here you are. I'm not so sure that your feelings are so much a part of ptsd (traumatic stress or anxiety is more likely I think), as they are exhaustion, fear, anger, and regret. Still, even with that, I see such a strong woman, fiercly protective of her son, in love with her son, creatively balancing a business and motherhood, and trying to work through her feelings and emotions while helping others work through theirs. Who listens to you? Who helps you work through your feelings?
Granted many years passed from the time he made his promise about his older son, and when the younger son was born. On one hand, you have to respect the fact that he was willing to keep his promise after all that time. Given everything you'd gone through, it wouldn't be considered an unusual request, but it's hard to know the level of his anticipation about this, and how directly it was related to his 'manhood' or simply his thoughts of what a father is, it was. Still, exceptional times can call for exceptional measure, but it does look like the only person he was concerned with is himself. Amongst everything that happened, even holding off for 6 months could have been considered an acceptable compromise.
I agree that quitting school was an empty gesture, if he in fact ever did quit. Either way, just the fact that he went back without thought, and manipulated the situation shows his total lack of concern for your feelings, thoughts and overall well-being. The suicide suggestions were certainly manipulative, and their appearance along suggests far deeper issues than you've even experienced with him. His gross selfishness and unwillingness to compromise, was just the beginning in my opinion, had you not put a stop to it when you did. I don't care what he or any of the family feels about what you did, you absolutely made the right decision, and the only reason he can't/won't see it is because he knows what he's missing, and the reason the family can't see it is an unwillingness to see him for what he really is, and only taking his side of the story into consideration. Do not let that affect or sway you.
My goodness I do not know what to say about the seizures and the accidents except I hope you know how very lucky you and your son are. I know that to look at all the physical pain, frustration and anguish you've gone through, it's hard to see a bright spot, but you two could have so easily been killed that day, it just wasn't time. Your son is here for a reason, he made it through the pregnancy and into this world, he made it through the car accident, and he will make it further than that. As will you. I think you are far stronger than you realize.
You seem to be having difficulty reconciling the love you still have for your ex husband, with the anger you have towards him for not living up to the expectations he so readily accepted. Is it possible to love someone and 'hate' them at the same time, absolutely. Love is not a light switch that can be turned off and on at a moments notice, even when we wish it was. It can at the least cause a lot of conflicting, confusing emotions as you know. Is it comforting to know that you made the best decision? That the best indicator or future behavior is past behavior, and that he would have likely continued to disappoint and break promises? Small comfort probably, but you're no longer thinking for one, you're thinking for two, so all bets are off. Know in your heart that you made the right decision, for you and for your son. I definitely welcome your thoughts, and would like to hear back from you.