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I'm 50 years old. I've been happily married for 30 years. My…

Customer Question
I'm 50 years old...

I'm 50 years old. I've been happily married for 30 years. My problem is that I've never had an orgasm except with a vibrator that my husband uses on me. That's been ok but I've always felt I'm lacking something. Now the vibrator doesn't even do it for me all the time. It's very frustrating. I feel like i'm right there but it never comes. I just want to avoid it all to keep from feeling like this.I don't want to disappoint my husband. I love him very much. He feels bad . We've tried Scream Cream, heated lube and nothing works. Am I just made this way and there's nothing we can do about it?

Doctor's Assistant: Have you seen a doctor about this yet? What medications are you taking?

I talked to my OBGYN and she gave me the prescription for scream cream. She said everything looked fine and normal.

Doctor's Assistant: Anything else in your medical history you think the psychologist should know?

Not that I know of.

Submitted: 21 days ago.Category: OB GYN
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Answered in 21 minutes by:
4/2/2018
OB GYN Doctor: brockluofm,
 replied 21 days ago
brockluofm
Category: OB GYN
Satisfied Customers: 954
Verified

Hi, thank you for writing. My name is***** and the release of orgasm are are hugely psychological and it sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to achieve, to the point that both you and your husband are frustrated enough to not even want to connect in this way. I promise you, this pressure is very likely your undoing - your thoughts are getting in your way. This is especially likely if you are able to climax through use of a vibrator - that means things are functioning down there and points to your mind. While I can recommend a lot of basic things you have probably already tried (patience with continued effort, focusing on the sensations as opposed to the outcome, trying different points in time during your contact to have your husband manually stimulate you to see when your body may be most primed, lots of foreplay, and even some relaxation exercises ahead of time), I think the best thing you can do to get this resolved once and for all is to work with a certified sex therapy. Anorgasmia is one of the primary conditions that a sex therapist aims to treat. They do this by focusing on how your thoughts, feelings, and actions interplay in this case, to get in the way of your orgasming. Sex therapists are NOT surrogates and there is not likely to be touching involved, although practice with your partner will likely be a large component of your work. You may be surprised what some guidance and validation can do for your confidence and when you can find the enjoyment in sex again less the pressure and disappointment, you will likely be able to let down your guard and find your way to finish. And while this may seem intimidating, a sex therapist is trained in this exact kind of "awkward" situation and will help you feel comfortable exploring your sexuality and what is getting in the way. You can look for a certified sex therapist here...https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory

Trust me, there IS hope!! Don't give p but don;t stay stuck in the same rut either....

-Leah

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