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I need some advice. My husband recently assaulted me which…

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Hi,I need some advice. My...
Hi,I need some advice. My husband recently assaulted me which is totally unlike him. His behaviour has been erratic these last few months. In Nov 2017 his family kicked me out (my husbands father didn’t like the way I responded when I didn’t agree with him) of the family home we lived in for 5 years. My husband then chose me over his family and so he stopped contact with everyone in his family except one of his brothers whom he has a close relationship with. We moved into our 40ft container and my husband stopped working so he could turn our container into a home and build it himself. He fell depressed over summer and had a low couple of days every week. These just kept getting worse by the week. He was medicated with antidepressants and wasn’t keeping on top of his medication and would often miss days. I didn’t feel safe with him and our children on the farm because he would think everything was a game where there were no seatbelts worn in any vehicle and no helmets worn on any quad bike or motor bike. When i would raise my concerns, he would ignore me or yell at me. I have tried to keep our marriage together because I still love him very much. Just recently when he assaulted me, i went to the police station to file a report but not charge him. The police then issued a PSO to him. I know once the PSO has ended (8.50am Tues 3 April), my husband will want to see our children but I fear for their safety with him because as of recently he has not been able to cope with them all on his own. He hasn’t coped with 2 of our children on his own let alone wanting our 3 babies a 10yr old. He struggles with their young behaviours and loses his temper quick, and I have watched how he is constantly yelling at them which scares me. I’m not sure what to do. My siblings told me that when they went to collect our things my husband was saying nasty things about me and our children. And he was very angry. I don’t feel safe seeing him on my own just yet. I want him to get help but i know he won’t. I also know he has every right to see our children but i do fear for their safety if he has another episode. In the past we have spoken and he has agreed that he needs to see a counsellor but he has chosen not to. I’m not sure what to do from here. Our babies (aged 3yrs and 5yr old twins) miss him and saw him assault me. They saw how daddy was naughty and made mummy cry. They saw how daddy bit mummys hand and made it bleed. This event happened on Friday and my babies and big boy have been talking about it all weekend. My siblings and my mum have helped me get through the weekend. My brother told my babies that mummy had chocolate on her hand and daddy wanted some but bit her by accident. I felt ok with that story because I am a high school by profession and my children all attend school, but 3yr old attends daycare, and all of their teachers know I am also a teacher. So I don’t want their teachers knowing the truth.
Do you have any advice or guidance for me please? My husband, during his nasty moment on Friday, told me that I have to raise our children on my own and he wanted nothing to do with it. That was in a text message right after he bit and hit me. This is the behaviour that I had never experienced with my husband before I was kicked out. Ever since then it has been downhill for him and I am not ready to give up on him because his brother and I are all the family he has.
Submitted: 3 months ago.Category: New Zealand Law
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4/2/2018
Solicitor: Chris The Lawyer, Lawyer replied 3 months ago
Chris The Lawyer
Category: New Zealand Law
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Experience: 38 years qualified as a lawyer; LLB, MMgt and FAMINZ.
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Solicitor: Chris The Lawyer, Lawyer replied 3 months ago

If you want the relationship to continue, then there are resources available for couple counselling and therapy. Usually your GP will have names of suitable persons. It does appear that he may be having some form of mental health crisis and may need suppurt from professionals and should be getting this. While the therapy is underway, it may also be useful to get a family mediator to help resolve some of the parenting issues

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Customer reply replied 3 months ago
We both have a mutual relative. My sister in law is his cousin, who is also a supervisor for Oranga Tamariki (CYFS) for Hawkes Bay Region. Other than that, we are all the family he has. Thank you for your advice. I’ll have a talk to my sister in law. Her mother (husbands aunty) is also a counsellor. They have tried to approach him but i don’t think he wants to be helped because he ignores every phone call and leaves the door locked to visitors. This is his mentality and something i fear for our children.
Solicitor: Chris The Lawyer, Lawyer replied 3 months ago

I think what you describe indicates how badly he needs the intervention from health professionals. And dont forget to look after yourself as well

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