I'm struggling with Intrusive thoughts and need help. No…

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The fact that you don't wish to entertain them and see them as unwarranted and intrusive thoughts is a good sign for you to realize that this stems from focused thought and not sexual interest.

Please give me a moment to explain at length.

There is no shame in seeing your 25-year-old son and grandchildren as being attractive. After all, they have the same genes and makeup of your husband that you would have been attracted to. In fact, a family has physical and other desirable features that they have acquired through genetics and upbringing that family members would identify with and find attractive.

When a person entertains a certain thought and the thought they think creates stress, confusion, and internal conflict we tend to focus more and more time on these thoughts eventually making them a bigger deal than they originally started off as. Finally, we entertain these thoughts to such a degree that we start telling ourselves that we have a major problem that we have to fix which simply adds more pressure and focus on these thoughts. This results in doing things that prevent us from allowing these thoughts to gain momentum such as preventing ourselves from looking at genitals or engaging in anything that would allow our minds to entertain these thoughts any further.

I need for you to see these negative thoughts like a car sitting at the top of a hill with the handbrake released beginning to roll down. If you can catch the car as soon as it begins to move it should be easy to stop but if you wait for the car to gain momentum and try to stop the car at the bottom of the hill it will simply run you over. The same is true for these kinds of thoughts which we have habitually allowed ourselves to entertain over a period of time. Our brains create habit-forming neural pathways and when we think of a common thought we often follow down this same path receiving similar results in feeling emotionally run over after allowing these thoughts to spiral out of control sometimes ending in anxiety or a full-blown panic attack.

Learning to control one's thoughts by focusing on how a thought is making us feel is the starting place, when we notice that a thought is making us feel bad, guilty, ashamed, upset, angry, disappointed, and violent or anything negative there is an urgent need for a distraction. Now a distraction can be simply thinking a good thought or getting outside or finding a new hobby or anything that has a person thinking more optimistically will create new neural pathways and we won’t see ourselves falling down the rabbit hole entertaining these thoughts more and more resulting in depression, anxiety, perverted interests, and even panic attacks.

While exploring the above here are some tips that you can incorporate into your daily life to help you manage feelings of anxiety:

* Meditation: If there was only one thing that I would recommend doing to eliminate negative feelings it would be to start a meditation practice. Meditation will help elevate negative thinking and help you take back control of your brain. Take 10 minutes every day to focus on your breathing or a sound around you. You can also listen to a guided meditation. One of the best and easiest programs to follow that specifically targets mental health and increasing wellbeing is called Head Space, which is an app. You can also find free meditations on Youtube. You can also do meditation at home - I highly recommend the following program it is easy to follow, has many positive effects and is research backed. Because I use it myself and many of my patients use it as well they have given me my own link https://psychologistash.krtra.com/t/mCTAhV5NSBdT

* Read up on mindfulness- that is focusing in on the present moment. This is a proven strategy to help reduce anxiety/depression and cope with negative feelings. Mindfulness will help you live more fully in the moment. Now is all you have at your disposal and spending it on “what if’s” is robbing you of the joy that you can experience. When you find yourself thinking a negative thought catch it and praise yourself for noticing it… now you have an opportunity to use it.

The best way to live in the now is to savour the moment… if you are with your family feel the love you feel and the joy of having them at your side. If you are eating delicious food, take a moment and acknowledge the beauty of that and the blessing that food really is. If you smell something delicious stop to savour it. Take it a step further and acknowledge these things out loud- tell the person you are with they are great, say thank you for the food and revel in the feeling you inspire in them.

Anxiety and depression and related to living in the regret of the past or the dear of the future. There is release and relief in living in the moment.

* Use the power of your mind to start shifting your reality. Start by forgiving yourself and accepting the past… commit to letting go of feelings of guilt and anger about what happened and silence your inner negative voice by soothing yourself into positivity. Just keep repeating positive, soothing words to yourself like “I am going to be ok”, “Things are improving”, “I have power and I can make my life better”, “I am in control of my thoughts and I choose to think more good thoughts”, “I am a worthy deserving being”, “I deserve good in my life” etc etc.

* Cultivate a positive mindset… start by writing down 3 things you are grateful for every day. Start off your day with thanks (be thankful for your bed, your home, your family, your health, your family’s health). Don’t listen to depressing news, don’t complain, don’t chat with people who make you feel bad… you will see your life turn around. Realize that every topic is really two topics- that which is wanted and that which is not. We often think we are focused on the good when we say “I don’t want to be sick” but the mind still picks up the word sick. Rather say “I want to be healthy”, “I want to see myself in perfect health and happiness”. You will see your life change right before your eyes.

Books: There are brilliant teachers of well-being out there and the information is so easily accessible. Try reading the following books with an open mind- they have the potential to be life-changing:

-Change your thoughts, change your life by Wayne Dyer https://amzn.to/3rc0Vyd

-The Law of attraction by Esther Hicks https://amzn.to/2O1kRG5

-The Secret by Rhonda Byrne https://amzn.to/3anRSUc

-Into the Magic Shop by James Dotty https://amzn.to/36B4DK9

* Use CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) Techniques to catch yourself when thinking anxiety-provoking thoughts. This one is called to be a thought detective:

Remember, worry is the brain's way of protecting us from danger. To make sure we're really paying attention, the mind often exaggerates the object of the worry (e.g., mistaking a stick for a snake). Try a method we call the 3Cs:

-Catch your thoughts: Imagine every thought you have floats above your head in a bubble (like what you see in comic strips). Now, catch one of the worried thoughts like "I'm scared I am getting sick."

-Collect evidence: Next, collect evidence to support or negate this thought. Do not make judgments about what to worry about based only on feelings. Feelings are not facts. (Supporting evidence: "I am not feeling so well." Negating evidence: "this happened last week and I was fine.")

-Challenge your thoughts:  Have a debate with yourself and convince yourself you are doing great.

Another great technique is to distract yourself with other desirable thoughts that can replace the ones you are having to focus on other attractive men. This urge could simply be your minds way of saying you need more intimacy in your life and finding someone that you could explore this with may take your focus away from unwarrented sexual thoughts.