Recent Questions by Anne

Does it take experience with loss to understand loss ? Dealing with an unbelievably callous 21 yo female and cannot understand how she could suddenly shut out her Dad without any offense on his part. She has stated this herself but makes no attempt to reach out to him after nearly two years. This behavior happened suddenly and with no unusual event. Her mother thinks it has something to do with a boyfriend break up at the same time of the beginning of her estrangement. I have tried to tell her this is nothing you want to continue as life can throw us many curves. She got the message and thanked me, then nothing. I realized that she has never lost any person close to her to death. All grandparents, cousins, etc. are still with us. By her age I had lost all grandparents and three friends like family. I really believe she had some type of breakdown, because the behavior is so extreme. She states we were always there for her to other people but will not return any communication. This reminds me of my ex that became a different person, so much so his best friend called me from where my ex worked out of town and said he thought he has had a nervous breakdown. He was later diagnosed bipolar at age 38. Most of the advice we have received is let her do her thing and she will return as there is a lot of love there. I really do not feel this will ever happen. Her Dad wants to have a face to face with her, but he will have to track her down and confront. Should he do this ? Demand a meeting ? It really is bizarre. I am the stepmom and we were close but she is a 180 from her former self with school, substance intake, etc. She appears to be functioning to the rest of the world, but this must be damaging her soul. She was a very sensitive person before. For my part, I have spent so much time being kind to people like this , reaching out, being there, etc. I am expecting a different result still. Is this really the definition of insanity ? I think I want to confront her myself and tell her I hope everything she has done to me comes back to her one hundred fold and if anything happens to her Dad I will hold her personally responsible ! That would be doing something different ! I tried to help my ex with kindness but got nothing in return and never saw him again. Is this the same situation ? My sense memory tells me it is. I have not shared this with my husband who is grieving horribly and suffers chronic pain. He was formerly such a happy and upbeat person, but this kind of "death" has done him so much harm. It is all so unnecessary with all the problems of the world ! I think after two years of this mental abuse that I do actually hate the child I loved so much . . .