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I need to learn to trust again. I’ve been in an extremely,

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I need to learn to...
I need to learn to trust again. I’ve been in an extremely , extremely , bad relationship in the last 2 and a half years. It took me a long time to leave her. I wasn’t even gay. She took me and she used me for everything I had and then threw me away like I was nothing. It hurt really bad. The pain I am experiencing is tremendous. I have no thoughts of killing or hurting myself or anyone else. I just want my life back. It seems like I’ve been gone forever. My moms business is booming. My brother has 40,000 likes on his page. And here I am all lonely and depressed because of what I just put myself through. I can’t even smoke a cigarette anymore or enjoy a joint or a beer at a bar because I’m traumatized from what she’s made me feel. I’ve taken drugs and she’s made me feel like no matter what I think about the other person that it’s all on me. Like if I don’t like the person at the bar across from me it’s because I don’t like myself. But I don’t think that’s true. I love myself very much. I just haven’t loved myself in the past 2 and a half years because I’ve allowed someone I trusted. Very, very, much. To just hurt me. To just hurt me and hurt me every single day. I know I did this to myself. And that’s probably the hardest part for me to truly know inside. But I need to get these scary thoughts out of my head. I want to love myself again. I want to get my mind right. Please, I don’t know really know what you could say to help me but I can’t go on through life not trusting myself or anyone else. I trust other people, I do, but maybe I don’t trust myself. I don’t ever want anyone I love to EVER feel the way I do right now. It’s the the absolute worst feeling in the world and I NEVER want to feel like this ever again. Are there any tips you may have for me to get my mind right ? I’ve been thinking I need other people to help me. Like I should go out and meet some new people or something. I need to let someone else in but it’s so hard because I met some people when I was in Las Vegas and all they wanted to do was breathe me in. Like they wanted to just like (excuse my language) like f**k me internally and externally
Submitted: 2 months ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 2 hours by:
5/29/2018
Mental Health Professional: LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker replied 2 months ago
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,160
Experience: 10 years post-MSW experience
Verified

Hi, thank you for writing. My name is***** am so sorry to hear how deeply this woman hurt you. What strikes me first is going to come a little strong but I hope it rings true - she took a lot from you already so why are you still allowing her to steal more from you? Staying stuck in this cycle of thinking and crediting her for it is allowing her to continue to abuse you. And in your question, I hear so many positive inclinations about yourself but then you end up defaulting to the fact that the pain she caused has stolen the ability to truly BE positive. That is a lot of power to give one person!! So in order to keep moving forward, you need to severe the emotional connection you have that is allowing her any continued control over the way you think and feel. You also need to be aware of the cognitive distortions she has planted and start to think more objectively and less emotionally. Check here for lots more about tricky congitive distortions and how to change your thinking back into a positive mindset https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/cognitive-distortions/She may have victimized you before and it may have been hard to see that during it, but the past is the past and you are stronger and smarter than ever before. You were her victim - you did not choose to be hurt or traumatized. So when those thoughts about distrust go through your head, call them out for being shades of negativity that she cast and then let them float on by. Don';t dwell and certainly don't let the seeds she planted in you continue to be watered. Let them wilt away as you avoid attending to them. Be strong by doing exactly what you propose - living life seeking to engage in new opportunities with new people. Put yourself out there with optimism and you will see that while not all people are good and well-intentioned, most genuinely are and there is SO much opportunity waiting for you to stumble on to it. S take back your own power and control and pick a way to put one foot forward knowing that each step means moving further and further from her control. Consider checking here for meetup opportunities https://www.meetup.com/ or here for volunteer gigs http://www.volunteermatch.org. You can do this!! Pick a way to engage and keep pushing the thoughts of her away, contrasting each negative thought with a positive affirmation about yourself and your future.

I am happy to chat more if you'd like!

-Leah

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Mental Health Professional: LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker replied 2 months ago

Hi, I just wanted to check back since this questions remains open due to being unrated. How are things? Can I help further? Please let me know!

-Leah

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