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I was trusting and got betrayed. What is the tragedy about…

I was trusting John and...
I was trusting John and got betrayed. What is the tragedy about it ? I have (had) an excellent handyman, doing works for me on my property and house for about 14 years. I went on holidays and asked him to check on the heating system whenever I would phone him and ask him to do so. I came back and had to realize that he must have had people in my house, because I found too many tracks. Women must have been in my cosmetics, wearing my brand new ski boots, ski helmet etc. et. Also the kitchen got raped, all the glass doors and kitchen cupboards have finger marks, pots and pans are dirty ( not properly cleaned) the living room set is full of greasy spots etc. I could keep on going. It is not, that I suffered big material damage, but it was an "invasion of my privacy" and big disappointment. Due to the fact, that this person did always an excellent job for me and that I was always trusting him, I could not have dreamed in my wildest dreams, that this person would betray me. I also spoke with a friend (Jack) about him and also he would have never assumed, that John would do something like that. John told me 2 months ago, that his wife has cancer. Jack even told me, that John is like a slave for his daughter and grandchildren. So, here I am with my disappointment, under which I am suffering very much. Should I confront him and ask him, what happened, while I was not here ? He still has to return the keys. I thought to wait, until I would need him as a handyman again and then I would ask him a few questions. But in the meanwhile "it is eating me up". I am constantly thinking of him and cannot understand, why he did that to me, because we liked and respected each other (it was at least my impression). I have to forgive myself, that I was so silly and gave him my keys and that is terribly difficult for me. I also took in consideration, that his wife wanted to do a family reunion in my house. Do you think, that I should contact him and ask him questions or should I just ask for the keys and forget him, because I cannot change the situation anyway?
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Customer reply replied 3 months ago
John also told me a year ago, that he is suffering from depressions. What I observed, he is a slave for his wife, children and grandchildren. I assume, that the wife, because she has cancer, wanted to have a family reunion in my house and John was not able to say no. Isn't it incredible, that I look for excuses for him?
Customer reply replied 3 months ago
Would you say, he is a criminal and I have to stop immediately the contact. Or should I try to give us both a "soft landing". I HAVE the strong feeling to ask him questions and I even fear to get nasty answers.
Answered in 47 minutes by:
3/27/2018
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,110
Experience: 10 years post-MSW experience
Verified

Hi, thank you for writing. My name is***** am really sorry to hear this happened. I agree - it was a huge breach of trust and a true invasion on your privacy. I personally think that you should say something. Perhaps, John will come clean with an explanation and it will at least give you some peace of mind as to what actually went on in your home. Maybe it was a reunion and while this is not justifiable, at least you know it was well-intentioned even if dishonest and sketchy. I worry that if you do not say something, you will never be able to get past your resentment and distrust so it would be a loss of the easy relationship you have even if you kept it hidden.

I do believe there can be room to forgive for something like this. While it was a breach of trust, as you stated, there were no significant losses suffered. So I am not sure I would say I believe strongly he has ill-character as he has been good to you consistently in the past. So again, I think you owe it to yourself to confront and hear his explanation so you can make a final assessment based on the truth. Just maybe, you will find yourself able to offer understanding should he demonstrate good moral character, fess up and apologize. And if he lies, well that tells you a lot, too, and in that case, I would be far less forgiving and would not instill such basic faith in him again.

Hope this helps!

-Leah

LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,110
Experience: 10 years post-MSW experience
Verified
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Customer reply replied 3 months ago
Well said, thank you very much. I still take time, because my mixed feelings "anger and sympathy" will have first to "evaporate" and then I will quietly without emotions ask him some questions. Will see, how he will answer. Thank you so much for your excellent answer. Until soon.
Thank you very much for the nice words and rating! I wish you grace as you tackle this and do agree it is worth letting a little time pass so when you do approach him, you can do so calmly and matter of factly. Best to you!
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