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What do I do if my husband tells me he had an impure thought…

Customer Question
Ok, what do I...

Ok, what do I do if my husband tells me he had an impure thought about my daughter, after seeing her come downstairs in a towel. He never thought of it again, and nothing happened. I asked my daughter and not him, but I am tore about what I should do and when and how to deal with it.

Doctor's Assistant: Have your husband and your daughter spoken to a mental health professional about this?

No. We all were shocked. It is his stepdaughter and he treated her like his child so we were confused about the entire situation, he said that it has been tearing him up inside, but I don’t know what to do.

Doctor's Assistant: How has he been sleeping? Any insomnia or other issues?

Yes. He dies not sleep and has been very moody and depressed about the situation.

Doctor's Assistant: Anything else in their medical history you think the psychologist should know?

No. His mother had a breakdown similar to what he is going through, when he was younger and her sufferes from bout like is occasionally, due to what he feels he did. I am lost as what to do. I

Submitted: 2 months ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 11 minutes by:
3/26/2018
Mental Health Professional: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 2 months ago
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 953
Experience: 25+ years helping people find solutions...
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Hello. I am so sorry you are experiencing this? How long has your husband been a part of your life? How old is your daughter?
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Customer reply replied 2 months ago
22 years and she is 24
Mental Health Professional: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 2 months ago
It is not totally out of the ordinary that he has had these thoughts, especially since she is not his biological child. He needs to be reassured that he has done nothing wrong and probably actually commended for his honesty. He also needs to be reassured that his thoughts are not abnormal or wrong unless he acts on them. I would probably instruct my daughter to careful how she presents herself around the house as well. Make sure you put no blame o her though. She did nothing to elicit the thoughts. Actually, nobody has done anything wrong. It would probably be good for your husband to see a therapist, just to help him work through it. Does that make sense?
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Customer reply replied 2 months ago
He is very depressed about the situation and wanting to die. I am overwhelmed with the revelation and I honestly don’t know what to do or say. My daughter seems to be afraid now that he has revealed this information. What should I do to make her feel safe and still support my husband though his struggle.
Mental Health Professional: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 2 months ago
Honestly, I would reiterate the fact that he was very open about it. Unless he has given her reason to fear, there is no need for alarm at all. With what you have said here, I do believe you need to see a family therapist and you all need to get this out in the open and deal with it. (I’m not sure I would not have told my daughter about it to begin with, but that has already been done.) you need to reassure both that nothing inappropriate has been done. Your husband needs to see an individual therapist as well.
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Customer reply replied 2 months ago
I very much love my husband, but I don’t want my daughter to feel Afaid. Should I ask him to leave the house or should they just try to avoid each tell we can find counseling.
Mental Health Professional: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 2 months ago
Understand, I would be much more concerned were she younger. She seems to have no reason to be afraid. Because of his emotional state, I would try not to be any more intrusive than absolutely necessary. I would probably ask my daughter to leave. She is 24 after all. If she could stay with a friend. You know better what you can get by with though.
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Mental Health Professional: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 2 months ago
I hope I have been helpful. If I have please rate me accordingly so I can be paid.
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Customer reply replied 2 months ago
Ok, I am still unsure of the action to take, but I love them both and I don’t want to choose. My husband has told me to chose her, but I can’t just abandon him, he has made plenty of mistakes in our relationship, but he has not done anything to harm her and support he fully though out our relationship. Can you help me with an approach that will secure her while maintaining a relationship with her and my husband and keeping the environment safe.
Mental Health Professional: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 2 months ago
Here are your options as I see them:1. He told you to choose her. You do that by having him move out for a short time.2, pretty much what I said before, but the opposite. As I said, she’s 24 years old. You could help her find a place. Probably, better than that, she could stay a short while with a friend until you get counseling.3, You mentioned the two of them just avoiding each other. I think that is the better choice. Reassure her that he is not a danger to anybody. He has never acted out on his thoughts and is unlikely to do so. Set a schedule for them that works out with them avoiding encounter.Number three seems best if you can make it work.
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Mental Health Professional: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 2 months ago
I see you haven’t rated me yet. Was there something else I can do?
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