Separated step parent of a 7 yr old I was a father figure…

Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.

There are two possibilities with your step daughter. One, she is acting this way in order to gain your attention and to play on your emotions around the separation. Sometimes children will pick up on the tension going on between parents and in order to gain attention or even to manipulate, they will act out with one of the parents or both of them. When you stated that your step daughter is able to control her emotions when someone else is in the room with her, that shows she is aware of her behavior and can control it. So if she is acting out only with you, then it is possible she is trying to gain your attention for some reason.

The other possibility is that she is truly in distress and only shares it with you because she only trusts you. In that case, there may be some serious issues going on in her home with her mother. You did not mention if there was any possible abuse, neglect, alcohol or drug use, but if there are or problems like that it may be your step daughter's way of acting out with you, whom she feels safe with.

If you feel your step daughter is manipulating or trying to gain your attention in some way, then you may want to talk to her about it and start to set some clear boundaries. You may also want to consider counseling or at the very least, an evaluation by a child therapist. You need to know why she is acting out like this and what you can do to set boundaries and still show her the love you feel for her.

However, if you feel there is something going on in her home that might be causing this reaction with you, then you may need to ask the courts or your attorney how you can pursue help for your step daughter and possibly have her evaluated for the courts and for custody. If there is abuse or other serious issues in her home, then her safety becomes a priority over any other considerations.

I hope this has helped you,

MaryAnn