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Ms.. I’m struggling again. On Sunday, I learned that my half…

Hello Ms. Linda. I’m...
Hello Ms. Linda. I’m struggling again.On Sunday, I learned that my half brother’s wife is pregnant, so I’ve been in a fouler mood than I usually am. He texted my boyfriend and me. My boyfriend replied to him, but I ignored him. I usually avoid communicating with him and his wife anyway. I don’t wish ill on them, but I sure am not excited or happy for them, or anyone who has recently gotten married or pregnant, with very few exceptions.It set me off because my half brother and his wife have been together for about as long as my boyfriend and I have (almost four years) and they've been married for almost two years. We're not even engaged. Also, they are 10 years younger than I am, in their early thirties. And it goes on.Then today, my mother sent a photo of one of their ultrasounds and I completely ignored it. If she continues to send photos related to the pregnancy, I will politely ask her to stop doing so and explain that while I understand that she isn’t trying to hurt me, I don’t need to constantly be reminded of something that I will probably never get to experience.I’ve never tried to have children, even with my then-husband, but then I finally meet someone I’d have a child with and he has indicated that he doesn’t want them, despite the fact that on his dating profile, he marked “Unsure” about having children, as did I. I have been dreading having the conversation with him because basically, it will be pointing out his dishonesty.To have a child, I would need to have a surrogate because I couldn’t come off my medications. Then I’d need a 3/4 time nanny because it’s dangerous for me to be sleep-deprived. I cannot afford either of those.I was wondering if you could offer any advice.Thank you for reading this.
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Three more things:
My half brother’s wife has a PhD in biomedical engineering and a job, while I have been unemployed and disabled for almost four years. Three weeks ago, I had an interview for a job that I really wanted, was told by the CEO that he had two other interviews to conduct and I should hear something the following week. Not only have I not heard anything from the company, they have ignored my messages stating that I wanted to follow up on the outcome of my interview.Before I closed my online dating account, I took screenshots of my boyfriend’s profile and mine, just in case there were any questions in the future about what they contained.Something that has also contributed to my sadness, depression and anger during the past month is learning that one of my pets (one of my cats) has vaccine associated sarcoma, which is an incurable type of cancer. There is nothing that traditional veterinary medicine can do for her, so I’m relying on homeopathic veterinary medicine to extend her life (with quality) as much as I can. My boyfriend and I have spent $1,500 on vet expenses during the past month. He is not in debt, but I have gone back into debt during the past year and a half.
Answered in 22 hours by:
3/16/2018
Linda D.
Linda D., Psychotherapist, LMSW, CASAC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 870
Experience: LMSW, CASAC
Verified

Hello again, thank you for waiting for me to respond. I have had a pretty full day of seeing clients in my practice. It is good to hear from you, but I am sorry you are struggling.

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Try to separate for your own mental and emotional well being your sadness over the loss of what you are not getting in your relationship with your boyfriend and his lack of commitment and how you react to others who are getting those things. Your step brothers news and your mother sending you a picture of the ultrasound is triggering sadness and loss of what could have been if not for your boyfriends beliefs if not for your disability and if not for financial restraints. You are a good person who has has some tough challenges and I think you will find it in your heart when you are ready to acknowledge this innocent, new life. I will share more in my next thread.

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You have a lot that you are dealing with all at once right now, including the sad news about your cat. What are you doing to take care of yourself? I am attaching a self help for wellness chart that includes several areas that can improve a persons sense of well being. Can yo take a look at it and tell me which ones you are currently doing? Linda

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Hi Ms. Linda and thank you for replying. I considered that you might be extremely busy in your practice or you had an emergency (I’m glad that you’re okay), or this set of my issues was a real doozy that you needed extra time to think about.I wouldn’t mistreat their child, but I have never really gotten excited about pregnancies or infants and this isn’t an exception. One exception is one of my friends in England who is in her early thirties and has really wanted children. When she became pregnant, I was happy for her, but then she miscarried and I’ve tried to be supportive during her grieving process.Regarding why I refused to reply to my half brother - I told my boyfriend that it was difficult for me to be happy for some people when I’m not happy, thinking that it would give him an opportunity to ask why. He didn’t take that opportunity. Maybe he thought I am unhappy about my professional life.During the time leading up to my half brother’s wedding in 2016, it wasn’t an easy time for me. (I hadn’t attended a wedding in 15 years despite being invited to several.) The main reason I attended it was if I didn’t, my mother would have thrown a tantrum. The other reasons were to see my cousin and aunt, and to site see. My boyfriend purchased their wedding gift because I refused to buy a gift when having to travel 3,000 miles across the country for their wedding. He paid our airfare. I refused to smile in any of the photos, because I hate photos of myself (and everyone knows it), but I was forced to be in them.I am attaching the image you shared with my edits where I’ve marked in red what I’ve been doing. Last month, I requested that my psychiatrist at the VA put in a consult for individual therapy, because I know that I need it.

Thank you for taking the time to look over and think about the self help for wellness chart. I see you have many checked off in the physical realm but not so much in other areas, and yet we are multifaceted individuals who need to grow mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically or we will probably not be able to show up fully in our life and in our relationships. I am so glad to hear you have decided to go to therapy, it can be very liberating to face our fears, insecurities and inner conflicts in a neutral, therapeutic space. I have only witnessed positive outcomes from individuals who go to psychotherapy. You strike me as a sensitive, caring, good woman who is always trying to do her best. Is there anything else I can help you with? Linda D., LMSW, CASAC

Linda D.
Linda D., Psychotherapist, LMSW, CASAC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 870
Experience: LMSW, CASAC
Verified
Linda D. and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 3 months ago
Thank you for sharing that guide. It lets me know what aspects I need to give more attention to.I wanted to mention to you that on more than one occasion, my mother has asked me, “Why can’t you be happy for people?” The answer is simple. It’s difficult for me to be happy for some people because I’m not happy with my life (in several ways).
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Linda D., Psychotherapist, LMSW, CASAC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 870
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