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I get weak in the knees, feel crushed (low energy) when i…

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Hi there,I get weak in...
Hi there,I get weak in the knees, feel crushed (low energy) when i realise people making subtle comments, gestures about me. This happened to me many times in primary school and happens in my work place. I am extremely driven, but at the same time very fragile inwardly. How can I overcome this. Examples, if i find someone exchanging gestures on my account and look down with a smack on their face...that shakes me internally and I cannot recover from it easily
Submitted: 4 months ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 19 minutes by:
3/12/2018
Mental Health Professional: ASacks, Psychologist replied 4 months ago
ASacks
ASacks, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 116
Experience: Psychological Counselling
Verified

Hello,

Welcome to JustAnswers. My name is***** little bit about me… I am a psychologist and have been practicing for the last five years in private practice and in a community setting. I work with families and people of all ages. I am also a registered life coach and solution-focused therapist. I am passionate about helping people and finding solutions, not growing problems. I believe that the mind is a very powerful tool and can be used to achieve any outcome in life-positive thoughts lead to a positive life. I am here to help you with your question.

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Mental Health Professional: ASacks, Psychologist replied 4 months ago

I would like to start by commending you for your question, its not easy to open up and express your feelings and it is not easy to seek out support. This shows that you have strength and resilience. from your question i can also see that you care about others and have self awareness.

It sounds like you are contending with a lot in terms of your feelings- this is not an easy space to be in. But your feeling are normal and valid and they are giving you guidance (like your very own GPS system) the guidance they offer is about where your thoughts are focused...

However, feelings and thoughts are not facts. They can be controlled and they can be refocused. The difficulty you are facing might take some work in refocusing you attention else where. Let figure this out together and bring you to a place of more positive feelings and well being- because you deserve it. Are you ready to shift your thinking?

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Thanks. Happy to explore the best way forward.
Mental Health Professional: ASacks, Psychologist replied 4 months ago

From a very young age, we are taught to please others. This probably starts with our primary caregivers such as parents and teachers. They say things like “don’t be angry” or “you cant talk to me like that” or “don’t do that”, “don’t be selfish”. What they were really saying is “I need you to be a certain way in order to please me” (which when you think about it is pretty selfish)

When we grow up, we tend to do this with our peers and care very much what they think about us and what they say and so on. However, the truth of the matter is that you can never control others (you cannot control their thoughts, their behaviours, their actions). In my experience you cannot jump through enough hoops to please others, they will pretty much think what it is they want to think… THIS IS NOT A REFLECTION OF YOU IT IS A REFLECTION OF THEM.

I always say this to kids I see for therapy (and I like to share it because it is helpful to all)…. The conversation goes

something like this:

Child: “So and so called me a baby”

Me: “Does that mean it is true?”

Child: “No”

Me: “If So and so called you a TREE would you be sad” – they always giggle here

Child: “No I'm not a tree I'm a human”

Me: ”It only upsets you because you let it upset you- you can say no I'm not and shrug it off”

What I am trying to get at here for you is that the only reason other people’s thoughts and actions affect you is because you are giving them the power to. But really they don’t have that power because the only person whose opinion you should look to about you is YOU!

So when something like that happens try saying to yourself “that’s just their opinion, it doesn’t mean that its true, in fact I'm pretty great and I there is so much good about me and really I don’t care what they think”

You will see that the more you don’t care the happier you will be and the less it will bother you.

Take back the power from others and turn to yourself for your happiness. You don’t have to wait for others to affirm you or make you feel good- be your own best friend and start saying all the loving, encouraging and wonderful things you want to hear.

The following books might be helpful on this journey:

* Change your thoughts, change your life by Wayne Dyer

* Ask and it is Given by Esther Hick

* The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

* The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale

You deserve to be happy- but you are the only person that cares enough to make you happy (other people are worried about themselves- as they should be) So I wish you all of the very best as you progress and know that you have everything within you to overcome any of this.

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Mental Health Professional: ASacks, Psychologist replied 4 months ago

Hi :)

Just Checking in, is there anything further I can assist you with?

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ASacks
ASacks, Psychologist
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Satisfied Customers: 116
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