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Thank you. Last night I told my daughter we were moving back…

Thank you . Last night...
Thank you . Last night I told my daughter we were moving back my son will remain here . She said something that concerned me and I wanted your opinion. She stated I think I will home school the next few months so I can help with the baby . I will have to go back to work . I said why I thought you missed your old school . She said I know his temper and I don’t think it will be good for the baby to be alone with him . If she gets fussy I’m not sure how he will handle it . She also said she will go but is not happy about moving back in permanently because she can’t handle being around him all the time . I know it was miserable no way to down play it now . He really seems hes changed but even on small trips to his house I feel the miserableness again. It’s almost like ptsd seeing his house . I wish the baby wasn’t involved it would be a no brainer. Then I think maybe he’s changed he just seems so dedicated to me . I just worry we are too different to make this work and his anger and controlling issues will go on and I will be stuck
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
One last thing my daughter was attempted molested by her father and I don’t know if this is in my head but I sometimes feel uncomfortable with him with her . Like one day he kept her home from school without telling me . He still denies it but she has video proof . She says he has never done anything and until her brother mentioned one day don’t you think it’s weird that He is so nice to you she never felt weird . He says I’m crazy but he has said things like maybe if you daughter was hot and I didn’t love you i’d think about it . Maybe I’m just being crazy . Sometimes I think he wants to do well but his mind is so messed up from previous relationship and his childhood and upbringing he is not capable of it . I don’t know thanks
Answered in 31 minutes by:
3/8/2018
Linda D.
Linda D., Psychotherapist, LMSW, CASAC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 870
Experience: LMSW, CASAC
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Ahhhh, there is so much here to be concerned about. Your first and foremost responsibility is to protect and shelter your children, so I definitely understand why you are so conflicted. I do want you to now this..............we do not change ingrained behaviors easily. He would need a great deal of remorse and feel his own personal emotional pain about his behaviors to be motivated to change, then he would need to have insight and awareness for why he treats people the way he does. What beliefs and unresolved conflicts are consciously or unconsciously driving him, this requires professional guidance and support to take an honest look at ourselves. Then he will need a plan for how to change, what a healthy relationship looks like and how to achieve it. There is what we call the cycle of abuse that will cause a person who is abusive to become more loving and caring when he/she senses they are losing the person they are abusive toward. Then when you are recommitted again, the abusive words, gestures, actions start again. It is important to follow your instincts and your heart. Linda

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Linda D.
Linda D., Psychotherapist, LMSW, CASAC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 870
Experience: LMSW, CASAC
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