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I feel like I am going crazy! My husband accuses me of

I feel like I...

I feel like I am going crazy! My husband accuses me of saying things that I would never say! I’m starting to doubt my sanity. I know I would never and have never said or done the things he accuses me of, but he does this all the time and I am starting to wonder if there is something wrong with my memory or brain. He is basically rewriting my entire life and when I say that what he is claiming never happened, then he calls me delusional. I can’t take it anymore bc he is erasing all the good in my life.

Doctor's Assistant: How is your mood? Are you experiencing regular sleep disturbances (e.g. trouble falling asleep, waking up early)?

Yes. I may have narcolepsy, as I don’t get restful sleep. He knows this and disturbs me when I am sleeping. I am happy when I am away from him, not depressed. But he did this to me today and now I am beside myself. Crying all day.

Doctor's Assistant: How long have you been feeling this way? Have you reached out to anyone about this yet?

Ever since I have been with him. I was thinking of asking my neurologist. I feel like he is a crazy maker, bc he gaslights me constantly!

Doctor's Assistant: Anything else in your medical history you think the Psychologist should know?

I have anxiety, especially around him.

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Answered in 9 hours by:
3/8/2018
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,956
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.

If your husband is gaslighting you, it may be that he has a personality disorder called Narcissism. People who have friends, relatives or spouses who have Narcissism will describe feeling crazy when they are around that person. And they will feel better when they are away from that person. Here is more information about gaslighting and it's effects:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/toxic-relationships/201801/how-know-if-youre-victim-gaslighting

Narcissism is a personality disorder which is a category of disorders that are difficult to treat with therapy. Everything about a narcissist is "me first". They lack empathy and only want to be involved in something that benefits them in some way. They do not hesitate to say or do hurtful things to someone else, such as gaslighting. When told about their behavior, they often find ways to make it the other persons fault or they just ignore the information.

Personality disorders, which is what narcissism is categorized as, are typically ingrained behaviors that someone develops, usually in response to being raised in a dysfunctional home. The person could not get their needs met (for unconditional love and attention) so they developed other ways to get what they needed which usually involved dysfunctional behaviors. When they grew up, they continued these behaviors even when they were no longer needed.

Here are some resources to help you learn more about narcissistic personality disorder:

http://suite101.com/article/narcissism-in-a-relationship-a113185

The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family by Eleanor D. Payson

Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed by Wendy T. Behary

The Object of My Affection Is in My Reflection: Coping with Narcissists by Rokelle Lerner

http://psychology.about.com/od/personalitydisorders/a/personalitydis.htm

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201209/can-people-personality-disorders-have-healthy-relationships

Narcissists often provoke emotional reacts in others because their behavior is so offensive and hurtful. If you feel that your husband might have narcissism but cannot leave the relationship right now, you can train yourself to not react and to remain neutral as possible. A therapist can help you deal with the stress and to work on developing a few non emotional responses that you can provide to just about anything your husband says to you. For example, "I'm sorry you feel that way" is a good response to just about any comment. It leaves your feelings out of it, negates a reaction and keeps the narcissist from feeling offended. It also creates a boundary letting your husband know the feelings he is expressing are not having the expected effect, which often fuels the symptoms of narcissism.

Also, consider talking to trusted friends and family. Check in with them about what your husband is saying to you and get reassurance from them that you are okay. Also consider a support group for people who deal with mental health disorders or particularly Narcissism. It can help to hear from others what they have experienced so you know what you feel is normal. Here are some places to start:

https://www.nami.org/

https://www.leslievernick.com/

Prolonged exposure to narcissistic abuse can become traumatizing and cause a variety of symptoms including anxiety and depression. So taking care of yourself through therapy and support is important.

I hope this has helped you,
MaryAnn

May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!

TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,956
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
Thank you! Yes, I believe he is a psychopathic narcissist. The problem that I am having are the constant blame, lies, and further assaults on my character. I have the problem of reverting to a 3 year old and cannot handle the issue and what he does to me at an executive level of functioning. He is making me physically and mentally ill. More so, since I am sleep deprived and he tends to keep me in that state of constant deprivation by waking me abruptly and shockingly, when I manage to fall asleep. So, I am very emotional when dealing with him. And for the life of me can not get it to roll off of my back, reinforcing that I am the crazy one! He is turning my 12 year old against me and into a narcissist as well. It is destroying me to see how he controls my children. He’s alienated me from all friends and family and now I lost my children. He is holding my business and my professional license over my head or else I would leave immediately. I can’t handle having even the slightest mistakes that occurred 10 years ago thrown in my face! There is never any peace and everyone thinks that it is me! If I went to counseling with him, he would blame me for everything and tell me that I am lying to the therapist. He says that I need anger management and am depressed. My psychiatrist said that I did not have an anger issue and that any depression is reactional to him. Hence, according to him I lied to the Dr.! Since he has a personality disorder, I know it can never be fixed. He calls me a liar so much in front of my children that now they believe him. He has destroyed everything that I value and hold dear. The devastation continues, as I lose my own soul by responding to his abuse. I wish I could cope and outsmart him, but he is a master at manipulation and I can not even comprehend how someone can be so evil!

It sounds like he does have Narcissism. If you cannot leave now, then it may help you to go "gray rock". That is a term used when someone is dealing with a person with toxic behaviors. Here is a description:

http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/going-gray-rock/

You also need support, for yourself and for your children. If you decide to go to a therapist, find one that has experience with Narcissism and go on your own. Going with our husband is only going to backfire because he may twist everything around on you, like you say he did before. And therapy will only work for you, not for him because he may not see he has a problem. Once you feel comfortable with therapy, try taking your children. They may need to work out what they are feeling and also need to know what is going on with their father. Hearing it from you may be right, but they might not be able to take it in because they feel caught between their feelings for you and their father. So having a therapist tell them and help them cope will give them a chance to untangle themselves from the toxic environment with their father. Children cannot see the dynamics of a behavior yet, especially when it is with a parent who they rely on for their survival.

MaryAnn

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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
That is a good idea with the kids. Thank you! I have trouble Gray Rocking because I am so emotionally wounded. I don’t know at what point I will be able to just ignore him, but I am praying the day will come soon. It is all just so hurtful!

You're welcome!

It is very hurtful. And because of the hurt and pain you are dealing with, it's important that you put yourself first. It may take some time to work up to focusing on yourself and going gray rock, but you can get there. Rely on others to support you and if you have someone who will listen, express your pain. If not, a therapist can help. And join support groups as well. You need people there for you who will help you through this until you can find a way out.

MaryAnn

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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
Thank you so much! You are right.

You are so welcome! Take care.

My best to you,

MaryAnn

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