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I just got back recently with my ex girlfriend... we been…

I just got back recently...
I just got back recently with my ex girlfriend... we been back together for 2 weeks now and in the middle had one serious argument. After the argument i apologized cuz it was my misjudgement. She accepted the apology and today i ordered some flowers to her home. She said she was so happy to receive them. Then later on i see her post a pic of the flowers i got her on her instagram... except the caption is: “flowers from my ex ”.... i was very disappointed since we already been together for 2 weeks... but i didnt confront her on it.... then i noticed 15 minutes later she changed it to “ ” and took out the flowers from my ex part... i decided i will just ask her directly. She said she likes me a lot and im her boyfriend... its her and nothing with me... cuz in her heart she still feels weird not complete open to me yet... she needs more time.... she said she changed the “flowers from my ex” because she realized she unblocked me so i would probably see it and its not good she wrote that. She said she changed it to the emoji because thats how she feels in her heart... which means she knows im her boyfriend but she dont know what to feel about us right now.... im very upset by this but i didnt tell her... however im right now thinking just of ending this relationship cuz i really dont understand why she would do or feel like this and that she is just playing me emotionally, which is very disappointing... please let me hear an expert explain this to me... cuz i dont know if i should just let this pass or not... thank u... its such a red flag to me
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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
P.s if u cant see the emoji i typed... its this one ��
Answered in 1 hour by:
1/22/2018
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6,011
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Verified

Hello and thank you for requesting my help.

I think you are on the right track with your feeling that your girlfriend's behavior is a red flag. No one who is in a committed relationship and cares about the other person will say that they are their "ex" and not a current boyfriend.

The fact that you and your girlfriend seem to be on different pages with your relationship is also a red flag. You see the relationship as current and she sees it in the past. She accepts the flowers but views your feelings as not important. By her explaining her behavior by saying that it is "her and not you" also speaks volumes. People with say it's their fault in order to avoid hurting that person by what they truly feel- which is that they don't want the relationship or want another version of it.

Your girlfriend is giving you a lot of signs that she is not on the same level as you are with your relationship. At this point, given her behavior and what she is saying to you, it may be time to move on. You deserve to be with someone who is as happy to be in a relationship with you as you are with them.

I hope this has helped you,

MaryAnn

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
She said one reason she took it off is because if i see it, its not fair to me. Why she kept that emoji is because she feels so up and down with me like a rollar coaster ride... she said two weeks ago when we got back together she logically knew we were back together, but her feelings were very unstable... she felt one day im her ex, next day we’re back... since we broke up like 2x before we got back this time. when she got the flowers today... she was very happy , but also felt like “omg he feels like my boyfriend again, but i think we might break up again maybe later” ... thats what she actually wanted to express in “flowers from my ex��” ... but then she thought it wasnt really describing what she wanted to... so thats another reason she took it off... also its not fair for me... so she just left ������... cuz thats how she feels.... and i said how would u feel if u gave me chocolate and i posted “chocolate from my ex��” .... she said she wouldnt be surprised and also she wouldnt be surprised if i have other girls im dating too because she said thats the unstable feeling i give her sometimes!

It sounds like she is very unsure of the relationship and is not committed to seeing it succeed. Someone who is committed to a relationship would never say the things she is saying. Feeling unstable about her feelings, thinking she might break up with you later and not caring if you date others are all red flags that she is not committed to your relationship. Unless you feel you can be happy with someone who is off and on so much, it is probably better to move on.

MaryAnn

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Ok so basically her excuse of saying we broke up so much previously caused her to feel like this is just not ok right?
Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Cuz she is saying i should be more affectionate to her and slowly she will feel like im truly her boyfriend again cuz she says we broke up so many times before... like today when i got her flowers she liked me more (even though she posted that its from her ex)... sounds like she wants me to earn back her heart with affection or something...

Most likely. If she is using the excuse that you broke up a lot before so she is not committed to the relationship because of that, she is telling you that there is no trust. And without trust, there is no relationship. You have to have trust and be committed to each other in order to make a relationship work. And telling you that you have to change in order for her to be committed to the relationship is also a red flag. In the end, you have to decide for yourself if you think her behavior and her words are okay with you and if you are willing to stay regardless.

MaryAnn

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Her behavior is honestly not ok with me... and the reason why i ask u is because i know girls and guys r very different... cuz i can be “understanding” and know that she is the type of girl that gets hurt and kinda protects herself by closing off her heart... and needs time to open it again... cuz she opens up very slow... and i know she likes me enough to still wanna be with me but is scared cuz i did break up with her twice before we got back together. At the beginning she would tell me good morning and good night everyday and message me once or so throughout the day... but since our break ups... she hardly messages me any more, until i told her one day why she not messaging more and letting me know if she got home safely after work... she then told me she is not a robot, she cant just turn on the back to love switch like i never hurt her or we never broke up.... that she only messages me when she truly has the feel to... she says she took off the “flowers from my ex” 10 minutes after she posted it and changed it to the �� emoji because 1) it wasnt really what she wanted to express ... she wanted to describe that her being with me is an emotional rollarcoaster and she changed it to that emoji cuz she wanted to say one minute im her ex, the next minute im her bf again... 2) she also felt its unfair for me to see something like that and took it off because of that too because im her bf after all..... so thats me being understanding... but honestly... part of me dont want to be “understanding” ... because even though its not meant for me to see that post... that post sums up why she been more distanced towards me... and it makes me feel like why did u even wanna get back together if u just want to be so emotionally closed off

Exactly. She is showing all the signs of not being invested. No matter what her reasons, the signs are there. If you are having to do all the work for the relationship, then it may be time to move on.

I hope this has helped you. If so and you would like to rate, I appreciate it! If not, we can continue to work together. I will send a Premium Service offer so we can continue. Thank you!

MaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6,011
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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