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I think I have some form of an obsession linked with extreme…

I think I have some...
I think I have some form of an obsession linked with extreme jealousy for the past 6 years. I am really jealous of my boyfriend's family. I do not want him to see them or spend time with them at all. Especially his female cousins. I have forced him to stop talking to all of them. I cannot stand the thought of him even saying hi to one of his female cousins. I am also jealous of him talking to his female colleagues but it is not that severe as my obsession for his family. If I had to choose between the two I would allow him to speak with female colleagues and friends rather than his family. It is really bad. I always check his phone, I call his sister to ask if anyone else is at their house when he is home incase he lies to me about his family membera coming over to visit. And if they do come over to visit, I call him and start having a mental breakdown I tell him to leave the house immediately without greeting them. It's really bad. I don't want to be like this any more. He is unhappy and so am I. I cannot sleep, I constantly feel guilty, I feel like I should die because I cannot live like this any longer. I have severe anxiety at all times.. I can't eat much I lost a lot of weight. I can't focus on my life or responsibilities because I constantly think about where my boyfriend is or what he is doing and if he is lying to me and hiding things from me. I don't even like it when he goes out with his friends when I am not there... if he smiles at a worker that is serving him at a restaurant or storel I go crazy. I tried changing but it's so hard I don't know how to do it. I really need help
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Answered in 6 hours by:
1/18/2018
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 953
Experience: 25+ years helping people find solutions...
Verified
Hello my name is John. I hope I can help you. Tell me about your past relationships. What about your childhood? Why do you think you are so jealous of his family? Honestly, any information you think might be helpful would be appreciated,
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I have been with my current boyfriend for 2 years. Before him I was with another person for 3 years. And my jealousy started in my previous relationship with my ex, I never used to be this jealous before my relationship with my ex never had any of these thoughts or actions. My ex put a lot of pressure on me at the start of our relationship with telling me where to go and where not to go, what not to wear etc. I don't know why but I responded with being jealous of his family too. I broke up with him and I was fine now I am acting the same in my current relationship too. My childhood has been very bad I grew up in a unstable family life. My mum was mentally unstable she tried to kill herself in front of me and my sister many times. My dad was verbally and physically aggressive towards her. They broke up when I was 12 years old. I am not sure but the only thing I can think of is that I grew up with 2 cousins one being a female and one a male. And I lost them both at the age of 15. By loss I mean we do not have any form of contact whatsoever. And I always think about them to this date after 10 years. I really miss them and wish I can be close with them again but it is impossible due to a very big family problem that stopped us talking. And now I think it's because I don't know what it is like having a close family or being close with cousins. Maybe I just don't understand what it is to be like a family... and when I see my boyfriend and his family they all love him so much, his mum, dad, sisters, cousins even aunties and uncles, I get so jealous because I don't understand it.. I ask him why he has to see them all the time and spend time with them? Because I never do the same with my family... they do not show me that much attention.. I am not close with any family member from mine... I also really love him and tell him I love him the most not his family not anyone only me. I don't want his family members to love him so much.. I want them to stop and leave him alone.
I’m afraid if you keep this up, you are going to force him to choose between you and his family. It will most likely be his family. Even if he chooses you, he will be very unhappy. I think what you need to do is first of all tell honehat you told me. Try to get him to understand. Apologize to him, then apologize to his family. Then try to do the opposite of what you have been doing . Reach out to his family and embrace them. Spend time with them. Change your animosity toward them to kindness toward them. Go to the movies with them, spend time with them. See if you can replace the jealousy with compassion. Does that make sense?
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Okay, I might be able to do that and handle it. I can try spend time with his family and him altogether. However, what about when I'm not there? When I'm not with him? I wouldn't want him to spend time with his cousin's when I'm not there. I think I can only handle it when it's me, him and his cousin spending time together. Not him and her alone. Do you know anything about hypnotherapy? I heard it's really good for jealousy and they guarantee it will help. Do you know if it can help? I want to change, I accept my actions as very bad I already know. The problem is I can't control it...
I think it might work, but it is expensive and you got to find somebody can do it. Another thought is find somebody who does EMDR . This would do better to get to the core of it.
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https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/emdr-what-is-it
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Can you tell me what EMDR stands for? I searched it up but I couldn't find it.
Eye Movement
Desensitization and Reprocessing
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 953
Experience: 25+ years helping people find solutions...
Verified
John-Michaels and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Thanks
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John-Michaels
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Mental Health
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