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How do I deal with severe abandonment issues? I am

Customer Question
How do I deal...

How do I deal with severe abandonment issues? I am constantly afraid of people around me hurting me or leaving me.

Doctor's Assistant: How long have you had the pain? What seems to make the pain better or worse?

I have had it since I was a child. I grew up without my dad and with several stepfathers. The pain gets worse when I experience even the tiniest signs of rejection from men I have relationships with. Starting new relationships are highly stressful.

Doctor's Assistant: Anything else in your medical history you think the psychologist should know?

I believe I have an anxiety disorder and have struggled with depression my whole life.

Submitted: 7 months ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 36 minutes by:
1/14/2018
Mental Health Professional: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 7 months ago
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 975
Experience: 25+ years helping people find solutions...
Verified
Hello, my name is John. I am so sorry you are struggling with this. I think you need to set yourself up for success. Decide what you are looking for in partner and don’t take anything less. Look in the right place. You will find better relationships at church or at a civic group meeting than at a bar or nightclub. This applies to friendships as well as romantic relationships. Think positive. Acknowledge what you have to offer in a relationship. Look for those who might appreciate those qualities. Does that make sense?
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Mental Health Professional: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 7 months ago
Also, make a list of all you have to offer. Find the person who appreciates those qualities. I think more of the problem is your self confidence than your confidence in others. Give yoursrlf credit. You have much to offer. Dwell on that.
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Mental Health Professional: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 7 months ago
I hope I was helpful. If I was, please let it be known with a five star rating so I can receive credit.
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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
I don`t feel like I am ready for a relationship as long as this lies underneath. I have tried recently and I see clearly that my issues make me try to be a different person than I am. In my core I believe that I must earn love through actions and being as lenient with the other person as possble, and not because of who I actually am. How can I work on it alone?
Mental Health Professional: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 7 months ago
I don’t think you need to tackle it alone. You need see a counselor. I really think your main problem is self esteem. You just don’t think you are good enough for anyone to hang around. Other than counseling, try these three steps:1. List three people who like you no matter what.2. Lost three positive qualities you have to offer.3. Repeat these three statements every time you fear rejection:A. I am worth having as a friend.B. (Blank) is my friend and they will never leave me.C. If i am rejected, it is their loss.
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Mental Health Professional: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 7 months ago
Adjust the steps as needed. I really think this will help you if you give it a chance. Willl you try it?
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Mental Health Professional: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 7 months ago
If I was a help, will you please give me a five star rating so I can receive credit.
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