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My 47 year old daughter says that I should never have “

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My 47 year...

My 47 year old daughter says that I should never have “ taken her away “ from my husband who drank a beat me up many times. She was 21/2 .He never paid any maintenance. I never

Doctor's Assistant: How is your mood? Are you experiencing regular sleep disturbances (e.g. trouble falling asleep, waking up early)?

I never told her about his violence but she learnt about it from my son. He avoided hard evidence” that he did pay maintenance and she has learned from friends that I was physically abusive to him. Where do I go from here?

Doctor's Assistant: Anything else in your medical history you think the Psychologist should know?

Yes, I am on permanent anti- depressants as is my daughter. But to she manages to her credit to run a successful accountancy practice and bring up two children.my 13 yr old grandson tries to protect me when she starts shouting at me. I feel this is very tough on him.

Submitted: 7 months ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 19 minutes by:
1/11/2018
Mental Health Professional: LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker replied 7 months ago
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,160
Experience: 10 years post-MSW experience
Verified

Hi thank you for writing. My name is***** is a tough situation and I am sorry to hear about it. It sounds like your daughter is not treating you too kindly, perhaps because she doesn't understand the full gravity of the decisions you made to protect yourself and also her. Now that she has heard some of the truths, would you consider inviting her for a more planned/formal discussion to address her concerns, question and feelings about the choices you made? Perhaps this opportunity will help dissipate some of her anger and resentment towards you?

With that being said, it is not acceptable for your daughter to verbally abuse you by yelling at you, especially in front of her child. His protection of you shows supports that this behavior is inappropriate. When it comes to confronting this, I would absolutely stick to very firm boundaries about tolerance of behavior like that. Regardless of the past, today is today and your daughter should not demean you or yell at you. If she does, you need to pick a course of action and stick to it with consistency. The ideal course to take is usually to walk away to take away any opportunity for her to perpetuate yelling any you as this empowers her. Walking away consistently will diffuse the immediate situation and also ultimately erode her sense that yelling at you accomplishes anything.

For the sake of your grandson, the best thing you can do for him is to continue to show him unconditional love and affection, and to be a good role model for handling tough situations with grace and pose. Leaving a yelling situation will help keep him from having to intervene which likely only enrages your daughter more. Perhaps letting him in on your approach and your ability to handle it will help him learn that he does not need come to your defense - that even though his mother is in the wrong, fighting back is not the best answer. Just encourage him to have an open and honest relationship with you where you provide a safe place to allow him to share how these things make him feel. Then validate his feelings and continue to invite him to share openly with you.

I am here to talk this through further if you'd like! If you want to be more specific with a question, perhaps I can further direct my answer.

-Leah

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Category: Mental Health
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