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My daughter (35) and I (60) have just moved in together. I…

My daughter (35) and...

My daughter (35) and I (60) have just moved in together. I am being treated for bi polar 2. She has never been diagnosed yet believes she has ADHD. We are trying to live and support each other yet finding it so stressful that we lash out at each other. I work on this with a therapist yet not finding it helpful in real time especially when my granddaughter is present. Local resources are limited and we both are enrolled in medicare.

Doctor's Assistant: How is your mood? Are you experiencing regular sleep disturbances (e.g. trouble falling asleep, waking up early)?

I sleep in 4 hour periods and wake by 5 am

Doctor's Assistant: Anything else in your medical history you think the Psychologist should know?

My depression and manic depression has been lifelong

Doctor's Assistant: How long have you been feeling this way? Have you reached out to anyone about this yet?

I see a ARNP and a therapist, recently had to change providers and not receiving as good of care

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Answered in 1 hour by:
11/20/2017
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 878
Experience: 25+ years helping people find solutions...
Verified
Hello, my name is John. I want to help you. It is difficult anytime a parent and adult child cohabitate. Your situation is complicated even more. The fact is you are going to argue and arguing is good. That is a method of communicating the question or concern is why and how you argue. Let me share a chapter out of my book, Marital Satisfaction Guaranteed. I think it may help even though this isn’t a marital relationship.
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19/11/2017 05:23

Me

Principle 9 – Handle Conflict Like Adults

One of the scariest parts of an adoption home study is when the case worker interviews your existing children. In separate interviews during the process to adopt our youngest four children, the case worker once asked Dawn and Michael what their Mom and Dad argued most about. They both responded, "Silly things that don't really matter."

If you're around someone long enough, you are going to argue. Actually, you need to argue. Arguing is simply communicating when you disagree, and nobody agrees all the time.

The challenge is to argue correctly. By correctly, I mean productively and like mature adults. Argue to find the truth, not to win a battle of the egos.

Below are Three Steps to Handling Conflict Like Adults. I hope you will give these steps a try next time you disagree. If you do it right, you might even look forward to a disagreement on occasion.

Choose Your Corners

· Know Where You Stand

In order to argue, you must be willing to take a stand. Know what you believe and stand for what you believe.

· State it Clearly

Don't be ashamed of where you stand. If you don't proclaim it, they will never know it. State it clearly, but kindly. Make sure they understand where you are coming from.

· Stand Firm on the Truth

I talk of compromise and concession here soon. They are very important for consensus. Do not back down from the truth, though.

The truth is that part you know to be fact. Know where you draw the line, but be willing to give to that point and make sure that point is worth standing for.

Cover with Love

· Remain Calm

Don't get excited. This should be nothing personal. You are simply in search of the truth. Yelling and raising your voice will do nothing but widen the gap between you and the one you love.

· No Criticism or Name Calling

As I said, this should be nothing personal. Focus on the issues, not the messenger. Be respectful even in your critique of their stand. Keep it pertinent and kind.

· Communicate Effectively

Follow the steps of communication outlined in Principle 3, particularly the three laws of communication. Remember, arguing is a form of communication. It is important that you communicate effectively to prevent misunderstanding and escalation.

Consensus, Not Conquest

· Consider Both Sides

There is no way to know your view is best until you consider first the other view. Seriously consider their view as the possible solution. Compare the two, noting the positives and negatives.[BS1]

· Compromise Where Possible

The truth is usually found right in the middle between two opposing views. Don't be stubborn. Search for truth, not victory.

· Concede if Wrong

Don't be afraid to be wrong. Admit it. Embrace it. Confess it. It's not about being right. It's about discovering what's right. Usually compromise is the solution, but sometimes somebody just needs to eat some crow and admit they're wrong.

Conclude with an Embrace

It is often said that "The best part of breaking up is making up." Let's make that saying come true. After all, if you argue correctly, you deserve an embrace. Seriously, give yourself something to look forward to as you hash out your differences. Make all the hard work worthwhile. Why not give it a try?

Though conflict may not be desirable in marriage, it is inevitable. As long as we are putting two human beings together there will be conflict. I am not condoning it, but simply stating the obvious. Granted, the more consistently you apply the various principles I have covered, the less conflict you are liable to encounter. If you do encounter conflict, though, at least handle it like adults. No screaming, no name calling, and no slamming doors. Seek compromise, not conquest

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I hope that was helpful. If it was please give me a five star rating so I
can be paid

John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 878
Experience: 25+ years helping people find solutions...
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