Mental Health

Have mental health questions? Ask a psychiatrist online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

This answer was rated:

OKMH1115211 To a Female Therapist for Relationships: Because…

OKMH1115211 To a Female Therapist...

OKMH1115211 To a Female Therapist for Relationships: Because it is a very involved issue, I need to paraphrase my question. I have also included a link to the entire conversation with Dr. G. of JustAnswer on this issue. If you could better use a narrative, I can provide it. I have known, very well, a young lady, Ru, who is a physical therapist at a clinic where I have been a patient since early June 2017. In the beginning, we shared "friend-like" information with each other since she began working there in early July. We even began teasing each other despite the fact that she has a boyfriend on the outside (she never told me about that). My allowed physical therapy sessions were exhausted in mid September and, without the availability of more PT sessions, I began hurting. I had pain and no idea how I could continue with sessions on a "patient-pay" basis at that point. I needed to reach out to "vent" and, because Ru is absolutely the most compassionate person I know, I sent her a letter....not complaining about pain....but giving her the same compliments in writing that I just told her in person shortly before. Sending a letter (about anything) at that time was as useful as venting. Ru's and my best conversation occurred on October 2nd. She suggested then that I may consider coming back to visit after my allowed sessions are exhausted. It sounded like our relationship was heading for a large move forward. BUT, because I was so sensitive to the fact that I am considerably older than Ru and could be accused of "stalking", I refused to question her about her personal contact information and I sent that letter to her attention at the clinic as the only address I had for her. BIG MISTAKE! My letter was received right after our 10/2 conversation. I came to visit as planned on 10/11 but both Ru and her boss confronted me....not about the letter....but about coming for a visit. Apparently, visits from past patients are not allowed. Surprisingly, after a week or so, whenever I came for my patient-pay therapy visits, Ru would call across the therapy room saying something like "HeyCustomer How've you been" If I could give her a short answer, I did but I hesitated because I wanted to apologize for sending that letter. Her behavior changed as of last week. During my last visit on 11/7, she paid very little attention to me, only looking at me once quickly over her glasses. I interpreted it as a planned ignoring of me....like I am a "persona non-grata". I will going to the clinic and likely seeing her again this Thursday, 11/16. Not seeing her each week any more is detrimental but I believe her boss, who recruited her and is her mentor, will no longer let her work with me at the clinic. Not only is that a problem now, but I am scheduled have therapy twice a week at the clinic for the first 18 weeks in 2018. As far as I am concerned, I did nothing to earn this treatment. So, I was considering what to do. Should I go talk with her boss? If so, should I invite Ru to accompany me since she would be a large part of the conversation. It seems that she is EXTREMELY short of "street smarts" and not able to determine what to do on her own. Yet, if there is any chance of reviving even just a civil relationship between us, I want to do it. AFTER MY PROBABLE ENCOUNTER WITH HER ON THURSDAY, A CALL WITH YOU MAY BE IN ORDER. Thank you.CustomerRandecker THREAD: https://my-secure.justanswer.com/question/index/86b35602b9f74a6fbf9f8ac4d8317555?al=1&r=nte%7C2017-10-16_pdcJaUsTrxAnswerNotify%7Cln=viewanswer_bu&utm_source=sys&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=answer_notify&utm_content=viewanswer_bu&rpt=1020

Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 20 hours by:
11/16/2017
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,060
Experience: 10 years post-MSW experience
Verified

Hi, thank you for writing. My name is Leah. I was not able to read through your lengthy conversation but do want to give you an honest and fresh take based on what you shared with me today. Just like most other professions who have a ethical responsibility to take care of their patients, physical therapist's code of ethics states they shall not engage in intimate relationships with patients. It sounds like both Ru and her boss became understanding of the fact that your interests with her lie outside of professional - it sounds like you like her and are interested in a more intensive relationship than patient-provider. Because of this and because of the fact you expressed this interest in writing, (even if not directly) it is the correct thing for her manager to ensure her professional boundaries are maintained and he may have chosen to do this by keeping her off your case. This is especially true if you are going to continue to be an active patient there.

Also, you mention being significantly older and the fact that she has a boyfriend. Both of these things further indicate that your interest in her may not be suited to the situation and her manager may be seeking to protect her from any complications that may arise.

I hear how much you like and respect her but it would be my advice to you that you seek to maintain a professional relationship only moving forward. Talking to her boss whether or not you include Ru may only muddy the waters and may run risk to her job security and your standing as a patient. If this proves too painful for you or you are not sure you can do so without continuing to wish to explore something more, Iwould suggest transferring your case to another office and avoiding the conflict all together.

My apologies if this is tough to hear but i wanted to be honest to protect you from further pain or confusion.

-Leah

LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,060
Experience: 10 years post-MSW experience
Verified
LeahMSWuofm and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
Thank you!
Well, at the very least, your information clarified one major question: How come, even after she received my letter in early October, Ru continued to try to get my attention in the therapy room until around November 1st? That is when I noticed she stopped saying, "Hey,Customer how've you been?" I thought that letter was a turn-off because her boss likely read it too. But after an initial "cold shoulder", she was cordial with me again. Instead of trying to figure out what I can do besides apologize, maybe going forward, I should just be there when my appointments occur and let the pieces fall where they may.It would have been nice if Ru if had told me what the problem with communicating was. Of course, she never told me that she had a boyfriend either. I only found out when she and her boss were talking with the clinic's accountant. When they were trying to fix Ru up, she said "I have someone" but when asked about if she and he lived together, she said "No.I don't want him and he doesn't live with his parents because they don't want him either". That plus the fact that she only talked about him in terms of his earning potential and that he can pay for her future education....in contrast, she and I have had many emotional connections and, in my mind, feelings is the bot***** *****ne in personal relationships.Since, practically speaking, Ru and I had not even come close to doing anything inappropriate nor was her work impaired by any fraternization between us, I will still look forward to January when I have been instructed to have 18 weeks of twice per week therapy sessions. I don't plan on initiating anything but I know how busy the clinic is.....on M, W and F.......and they have a limited number of therapists and techs. So let's see if Ru will be forced to work with me at times. If that happens, how will management react? Hire more therapists? I understand their position but since we never created a problem. there should be a rational approach at some point.

Hi, thank you for the rating and reply. It will definitely be interesting to see if you and Ru's paths cross directly as 18 weeks is a long time! (I hope your therapy helps you!) And I agree that no boundaries were in fact crossed, so being too constrictive on the part of the manager would be a mistake. But you also don't know if there is more to the story either...perhaps Ru has attracted attention before and so the manager is more proactive/cautious? Regardless, you and her have an emotional connection but as far as the patient-provider relationship, that is where it has to lay for now. I know that is frustrating!

-Leah

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
Thank you for your responses. Being in a "limbo" is depressing at times and some of your answers/contributions are uplifting.Ru knew her manager before starting at the clinic so, unless she did something before starting there that would have tipped her manager off,she has no "track record" of creating problems. Both she and her manager are of Indian decent.....Ru having been born here and her manager in India. I believe they live in the same neighborhood. The Indian families I know tend to maybe overly protect their off spring which may account for Ru being a little naive and behind the street smart curve. But all of that is part of the attraction I have for Ru. Starting the second week of her employment at the clinic, she would come in and immediately either stand next to the treadmillI I was on or sit on the floor next to it, telling me of her weekend activities,etc. After the second week, she came in and announced that she had a new car....... a 2011 Hyundai Ellentra and said she was planning to give all her friends a ride in her car. In a sort of teasing manner, I asked whether she would give me a ride. Without hesitation, she said"yes". I felt that she must already consider me a friend after only knowing me for two weeks. But then, I immediately felt concern for her. Why would she be willing to give me a ride after only two weeks? For all she knew, I could be a stalker, a rapist or kidnapper! Anyway that started the ball rolling in my feelings for Ru.My next appointment at the clinic is next Tuesday. That would mark two weeks since I was there. It always seemed that the longer I am away, the more attention I would get from her. I really want to see if that continues or if whatever she was told about fraternizing with patents still dominates her thinking. My guess is that it will still be utmost in her mind........especially if her manager is there. I will not hesitate to waive at her is she looks my way to see if I get at least the little finger waive back that she's become famous for in my mind.She is graduating from UIC in December. She told me that she stayed home the entire Labor Day weekend to finish her final paper and she's made it clear that she is looking forward to"walking"then. I also planned to give her a graduation card and gift before her graduation. Given the circumstances though, I can't mail it so I have asked my business associate if she would just take it and place it under Ru' windshield wiper shortly before Ru's workday ends in early December. I won't even need to sign it or just sign it with "Guess who"or "from your personal Persona Non-grata" or something similar. The card I picked out mostly mirrors the compliments I gave her verbally in September and the letter from October so I think that would be a give away that it was from me. Also without signing it, I could deny having any part in it, should push come to shove.I hate doing that stuff and hate it even more that I don't deserve the way I have been treated, regardless of whose idea it is. But I have to resign myself to knowing that nothing likely will occur until 18 week session in January, if then.Thanks for reading this.CustomerRandecker

HiCustomer apologies for the delays. My sister got married this weekend so we have had a lot going on. I know your wish to leave this gift for Ru is just a good-hearted gesture. I would bet though, that once again, she has a policy against taking gifts from clients so you may put her in an awkward position as to what to do with the gift, Ideally, you would furnish this gift to her after your time as a patient commences, but it sounds like you have your mind made up on the plan, even though it doesn't feel ideal to you.

I hope things work out for the best!

-Leah

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
Actually, given the awkward situation, my plan is to just give her an unsigned card. However, like I said, she will likely recognize the printed message as being almost what I told her personally and included in my October letter. I don't know if that qualifies as a "gift"or not.
Right now, I am just curious if Ru will do anything to acknowledge a wave or hello gesture I make this coming Tuesday. That may tell me if the latest ignoring is from the first debacle with my letter from October or if it is from a more recent warning. If she not only acknowledges me but will talk, I have to find out why she continued to try to get my attention during each of my visits before Nov 1 and not at all after Nov1.
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
Hi Leah. Forgot to wish you and your sister well on her marriage.CustomerRandecker

Ah ok. I was thinking a card and financial gift. Card is absolutely appropriate and considerate.

Keep me posted on Ru's reaction to you tomorrow!

And the wedding was fabulous :) Thank you!

-Leah

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
I definitely planned to give her a financial gift but, given the situation and the manner it needs to be delivered to her, a financial gift would be a risk. I hope to give her a gift when the situation is more amiable. Without talking with Ru since the beginning of all this a few weeks ago, I have no clue as to what I will run into tomorrow. Judging from the 1-second look she gave me (looking over her glasses) the last time we were in the same room, she could believe anything. There must have been a reason she stopped asking how I was. Maybe her manager warned her that whatever I told her probably is a lie. Ru is prone to being gullible. Given her manager is her mentor and, I believe a family friend, I would lay odds on whatever her manager tells her, she will believe.I have to admit that the plan on the method of delivering her card bothers me in that it seems too "stalker-esq". But, if I mail it to her, it will be the same as my letter in October.....even if it would take a little while to be sure the unsigned card was from me (probably won't). Stay tuned!
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
Leah
My visit today was okay.....better than the last. Ru saw me when I first came in and had a big smile and gave me a finger wave. They have given her more responsibilities. Now, she has to not only work with patients but also is responsible for completing reports so I am a little concerned as I have spent time in the music business and witnessed a number of people on speed.....kind of looks the same. The only eye contact we made was as I was leaving. I stopped by her desk to wish her and her family a good T'giving. She looked up briefly and said, "You too"Whenever I had the chance, I would bring up a question or instance that only she and I would know about. Remembering that the weekend before Labor Day she took her younger brother to college and had to help carry all his stuff up to his room on the 4th floor, I asked if he was home for T'giving. Later, when she was helping a patient next to me with exercises by pulling his leg, I teased her because she had to wrap an end of the strap on this leg around her body for enough leverage. I asked what she was doing and she said that was her invention. Remembering that every time she introduced a new exercise, she called it "progress" I suggested that, if she can't get untangled, she would not have anything to worry about until someone turns the lights off and says, "good night Ru. See you bright and early in the morning" That is progress!She has little or no time to chat and I think that is legit. What I would hope for is 1) more eye contact, and 2) an instance where we can reinstate an emotional connection but with so much work on her plate, there may be a long wait ahead.Another development....her manager, Vani, came up to me and said she thought I looked like I lost weight. I told her that couldn't be because I was wearing two shirts The benefit to me was that, maybe whatever I do, she won't be so inclined to continue Ru's prohibition from working with me going forward.Customer

NIce update. It sounds like you already found opportunities to seek out engagement with her and I hope it was mutually rewarding. It is also a great thing the manager approached you and complimented you. Perhaps an extension of an "olive branch" so to speak. This makes me think that the situation may have felt bigger to you then it actually was in the manager's eyes and this is a good thing because you are by by means a bad person deserving of ill-will.

Keep up the good work,Customer and have a very Happy Thanksgiving!

-Leah

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
I wish you and yours a Happy Thanksgivng as well!
Maybe one of the reasons I had a better encounter with Ru than before was that my replacement as her "buddy at work", the new therapist, was not there. Nevertheless, I would certainly appreciate eye contact like before. Whenever I asked her a question, and this was true the last time I came in too, she answered me but looked at someone else. Maybe that was just because she was busy but, to me, it was conspicuous. Still seems a little odd that she stopped inquiring about how I was at the end of October too.so I have to believe that something was contrived My next visit is scheduled for Dec 5....another full two weeks away. One of the worst issues is that, all the other therapists must have been alerted that when I come in, Ru cannot work with me. We'll see what happens then.
Customer reply replied 6 months ago
I hope your Thanksgiving was great! Mine was okay, given the issue I am dealing with.I received the graduation card that I plan to give Ru and I would like your opinion on at least one thing. It will be delivered under her wiper blade either after my next and last 2017 visit on 12/5 or by my associate on 12/6 or 12/7. I wasn't going to sign it but maybe I should. If I don't sign it and it is delivered a few days after my next visit (Ru always seems to know when I am due in next), it may cause some intrigue as to who really did send it (but she will likely know by the verbiage). I plan to add "I understand that you cannot accept gifts so this card will have to do for now" In either case, I don't expect her to confront me about it but, knowing her, she will likely share it with Vani (her manager). I think truth be told, I wish I could throw the gauntlet down and be confronted by her and/or Vani. I have a lot of questions and a lot to say and I don't know how long I can "play act" with the non-communication or no eye contact. If she were to ask me to stop caring about her, I would simply tell her that, of all the people who I have or had highest regard for, man or woman, she was the one person who was the earliest in only 3 or 4 weeks after we met, so she shouldn't count on me throwing in the towel. In order to keep everything in the proper perspective, as far as romance with her goes, I have always told myself that 1) maybe I am too old for her and 2) I am not Indian (as they often find that a criteria although I don't believe that either age nor ethnicity trumps feelings).Do you think I should sign the card or leave everything up to imagination?
Thanks. More to come sooner or later.

HiCustomer I hope you understand that this will be my last reply based on the nature and this site question/answer. If you do wish to keep conversation going and i hope you do, I'd kindly ask you start a new question and consider requesting me by putting "To Leah only" at the beginning.

I think you should sign the card. For one, there is no need to perpetuate a "secret" tone to your relationship at this time. That could prove harmful to Ru and i know that is NOT your intention Also, in the "rules" regarding dual relationships, sending a card is not really considered off-llmits, in my opinion. I think if you write a nice congratulatory/thank you card, that shouldn't be viewed as inappropriate, although it may subsequently keep her boss on guard, IF she chooses to share it with him. And if she does share it with him. I might caution you that I would take this as a sign she is wanting to keep some distance with you. Hope that doesnt sting too much to think about.

Best to you,Customer

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 6 months ago
To Leah Only:Your last response was a little puzzling so I decided to copy your response and insert my questions (in parenthesis & caps) as I go along.HiCustomer I hope you understand that this will be my last reply based on the nature and this site question/answer. If you do wish to keep conversation going and i hope you do, I'd kindly ask you start a new question and consider requesting me by putting "To Leah only" at the beginning. (HOW WILL THIS BE DIFFERENT?)I think you should sign the card. For one, there is no need to perpetuate a "secret" tone to your relationship at this time. That could prove harmful to Ru (HOW COULD THAT BE HARMFUL TO RU? WILL IT APPEAR THAT SHE HAS YET ANOTHER "ADMIRER"? ) and i know that is NOT your intention Also, in the "rules" regarding dual relationships, sending a card is not really considered off-llmits, in my opinion. I think if you write a nice congratulatory/thank you card, that shouldn't be viewed as inappropriate, although it may subsequently keep her boss on guard, IF she chooses to share it with him. (GIVEN THAT SHE HAS SHARED MY PAST COMMUNICATION WITH HER BOSS, IT WOULD SURPRISE ME IF SHE DIDN'T. I DON'T THINK RU HAS MUCH CONFIDENCE IN DEALING WITH THIS ISSUE HERSELF. ALSO THE BOSS MAY HAVE TOLD HER TO ADVISE IF SHE RECEIVES ANYTHING ELSE FROM ME) And if she does share it with him. I might caution you that I would take this as a sign she is wanting to keep some distance with you. Hope that doesnt sting too much to think about.Best to you,Customer(I LOOK FORWARD TO CONTINUING WITH MY QUESTIONS TO YOU AND YOUR RESPONSES. YOU HAVE BEEN VERY HELPFUL AND I EXPECT TO SCHEDULE A PHONE CONSULTATION WITH YOU AFTER MY NEXT AND LAST 2017 CLINIC APPOINTMENT NEXT WEEK)
Customer

HiCustomer

What I meant was that you start a new question requesting me to answer by putting "To Leah only" at the start of a completely new thread as opposed to this one. Sorry for the confusion. So again, for clarity, these sessions are not meant to be ongoing to this degree as the site is question and answer format. I hope we have succeeded in addressing your original question.

I think hiding a card can be harmful to Ru because it may implicate her in some way for keeping your interest. She has been given clear guidance to steer clear from working with you at this time and your pursuit of her may come off as her having a hand in it. I know that isn't fair to Ru, but your choices could affect the way the situation is seen by her manager. I can tell you from a professional angle that i would not want things like this done outside of my professional setting as it would make me feel as though I had unethically crossed a boundary with a patient or they had misread my kindness for something else.

If you believe strongly she will share it, I am not sure why you would want to put her in that position. The fact that you are doing something that may force Ru to bring it to the attention of her manager calls out to me that it may just not be a good idea. Or at least, it may not be a good idea to do it under the radar. Like I said above, if your wish is just to give her a card noting congrats or well-wishes and is otherwise innocent, then doing this is a professional setting would be better (giving it to her at work). You already know the manager is suspicious, so this is where I would caution you about any behavior that may perpetuate this, such as secretly delivering something to her.

Hope this make sense.

-Leah

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 6 months ago
To Leah Only: I tried to start a new thread to you last night but have no clue as to whether you received it or not. Pleaselet me know if you received it or not.
ThanksCustomerRandecker

HiCustomer you can stop putting 'to Leah only.' That is just when you write a brand new question so I have a chance at it first. Sorry I wasn't clear about that sooner. I am replying on this thread bc customer service locked the last one after I reported the other question upon your mention of concern with payment. Sp apologies if you wondered why I was ignoring you!

Anyway, the encounter sounds like it went really well!! I am so glad she was so receptive and that you got an immediate reply when she thanked you. A good way to leave things until you meet again in a few weeks!

Any special holiday plans?

LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,060
Experience: 10 years post-MSW experience
Verified
LeahMSWuofm and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 6 months ago
I have to learn to be patient! The times spent between my visits to the clinic and seeing Rare usually are filled with a great deal of anxiety fearing a change in how Ru would accept my presence. As I mentioned, yesterday could be considered positive in that Ru did not deliberately avoid me although she still was apparently not allowed to work with me on therapy and did not put herself in a position to have any prolonged conversation with me. Yet her greeting when I arrived and quickly thanking me for the card (when she could have simply not said anything and even turned the card over to Vani) maybe is a sign of softening the "Operation Overkill". The next step for me would be to try to kill that operation completely through talking with Vani and Ru about how nothing negative ever happened when Ru and I worked together.....nothing! And that us working together did not take Ru or anything away from other patients.Actually, I should have learned that Ru's reactions to me come in phases. When she received my letter last October, I thought it was over. I could have sent a blank piece of paper and she would have reacted the way she did....just because I sent her something. 12 days later, when I came back, it was "HiCustomer how've you been?" She seems to be filled with surprises....so far, all positive. There is a long way to go yet but I guess I should learn to be patient.
Customer

Yes indeed. Patience will be important but so too will be moderating your expectations. It seems you have good insight into Ru being hot and cold and I venture to think Vani probably doesn't deserve all the credit for that. So instead of setting yourself up to hope for a reaction you have zero control over, take it for what it is and remind yourself that Ru can be unpredictable and that if you truly want to ride it out hoping for more, you will have to not get to caught up in her moods which may simply be par for the course in your relationship. And with that, consider to yourself if this is the type of response you really want - unpredictable and inconsistent. Yes, Operation Overkill certainly had a lay into things but we just don't know how much. Forecasting that things may change might leave you hanging on when you shouldn't although I know your curiosity and anxiety over the unpredictability may be part of the driving force behind your desire. Simply, it is almost exciting t see what will come of this and as you likely well know, people tend to be easily engaged when pursuing a challenge tat they perceive they cannot easily have.

I also noticed you accepted the answer again and perhaps provide a bonus, too?? thank you so very much :)

-Leah

-Leah

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 6 months ago
I will provide a bonus but they usually offer option amounts and I was waiting for that before I proceed.Customer
Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Thanks for your response. I can honestly say I am happy with small victories. Prior to yesterday, Ru was so obvious in trying to avoid eye contact. Yesterday, she and I did make eye contact, especially when I was leaving and I referred to my October 2nd visit to see the MD who did not show when she and I proceeded to hold our best conversation. Hopefully, my next visit and subsequent therapy visits will yield additional advances. But, that can only happen if 1) I can occasionally work with her again. 2) She slows down.Maybe I am just being arrogant or bragging but I believe the ban on us working together, whether inspired by Ru or Vani, was an effort to keep us apart, thus not resurrect anything and I believe that working at the speed she does, especially when near me, is a defensive mechanism...to avoid "heavy" conversations and/or emotional eye contact. Again, this could just be me patting myself on the back, but in my history, there have been women/girls who have claimed that, somehow, a relationship with me broke their defensive walls down. Remembering some of our contacts, maybe Ru was experiencing the same thing. But, no, I don't think I am God's gift to women.Customer

LOL It doesn't sound like you think you are "God's gift". You just genuinely seem confident in your connection to this particular girl. Do follow your heart,Customer Just don't let yourself live in question forever. Seek resolution through asking the right questions at the right time. Unfortunately, probably now is not the right time, but the future may present itself differently.

And. there is always the phone!! If you really find yourself in agony over being unsure, pick up the phone, call and ask for Ru. Tell her how feel and ask her for whether or not she would entertain the idea of seeing you, after you are no longer a patient. Ask for her honesty so you know she is sincere when she answers.

Good erad her n ethics seems to imply that as long as she is not being treated by you, then a relationship may not be off limits. So you could transfer your care to protect her further, assuming she might be willing to go out with you :)

http://www.apta.org/EJCOpinions/2001/8/3/

-L

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 6 months ago
LOL It doesn't sound like you think you are "God's gift". You just genuinely seem confident in your connection to this particular girl. Do follow your heart,Customer Just don't let yourself live in question forever. Seek resolution through asking the right questions at the right time. Unfortunately, probably now is not the right time, but the future may present itself differently.
[I thought I would copy your message on my response. I certainly hope the italics and different font comes through on the JustAnswer web site]: As of right now, I am content to wait til January 8th to continue my pursuit. Even then, I will need to see if the Ru reaction continues to improve toward me or will it return to what it was between November 1st and last Tuesday. Unless the issue is about that Ru and I had too much fun when we worked together (and I suspect Vani would only see that on the surface and not realize that the fun we had was during the therapy, not in place of it), I can't imagine that the ban on working together was at Ru's request although, if Ru felt that being only serious was what would impress Vani, then yes. But, I do know that not only did Ru counter with her teasing of me but she always had a smile on her face whenever I teased her....punching me only once.And. there is always the phone!! If you really find yourself in agony over being unsure, pick up the phone, call and ask for Ru. Tell her how feel and ask her for whether or not she would entertain the idea of seeing you, after you are no longer a patient. Ask for her honesty so you know she is sincere when she answers. [Given what hit the fan when I sent Ru the letter back on October, even though it was addressed to only Ru's attention, I would be hesitant to call her at the clinic......at least right now]. [I do have a game plan. If working together is not in the immediate cards, I will bring my "Laughing Pig" to the clinic. It is a stuffed toy with a sensor. Push the button and it will roll on the floor and laugh for minutes. It is also triggered by someone walking in front of it and it won't stop until the button is pushed. No one has not cracked up when activated. When questioned, I will tell the questioner that since Ru and I can't work together, I (and I am sure other patients) need some smile and levity somewhere. You may have guessed that I am feeling much more confident since last Tuesday. I think I even have the guts to ask Ru (jokingly) where she went to high school and was she on the track team there because I couldn't believe the speed that she ran to Vani's office on the day (10/11) I was to visit. It would be a way to throw the gauntlet down now that she seems to be more receptive. Hopefully, that continues. I won't do anything to change that between now an when I see her next.Good erad her n ethics seems to imply that as long as she is not being treated by you, then a relationship may not be off limits. So you could transfer your care to protect her further, assuming she might be willing to go out with you :)Thanks for the article
Customer
Customer reply replied 6 months ago
LeahI have had some time to evaluate the Ru issue. I'm not scheduled to return until 1/8 so I have some time to "experiment" with a new approach. I have visited three times since the major changes apparently caused by Vani's influence. On 11/7, Ru and I met when she first got to work but ignored me after that, casting only a 1-second glance toward me over her glasses. On 11/21, although it started warmly with her big smile and wave, it continued with her answering a question while walking away then briefly responding when I wished her and her family a happy Thanksgiving. The last visit, while she very briefly ducked in to thank me for the graduation card, the only other encounter that time was when I told her that I wouldn't be back til 1/8 and she wished me a happy New Year. The rest of her behavior was the "professional therapist" Ru, and no other contact.I was thinking of dropping a note on her desk asking her to forgive me if my responses occasionally tend to "bleed" into addressing the personal Ru.....the person I worked with for three months and learned very quickly to care about (I will send you the verbiage for you to vet before I deliver it.) I would prefer to tell her in person but I'm sure a very large part of the Operation Overkill is to spend as little time as possible in conversation or even in a proximity that may lend itself to conversation. I may be wrong but I don't think there would be any chance of her accepting an offer for dinner outside of the clinic without improving the relationship as it currently exists. I think one of her motives may be to try to "turn me off" which won't work. No one else in my history has ever climbed to the level of my respect and admiration as quickly as Ru has.I have to admit that her treatment of me since 11/1 has at least been flattering. I would obviously prefer her responses to be positive but this is better than being treated as insignificant. But given the evolution of her behavior with me around, she may decide to treat me that way on my next visit........or because Christmas and New Year will occur before I see her again, she may be engaged despite her 3-month old repudiation of the notion of being or getting married. Who knows? Still wouldn't turn me off.Than you and have a Merry Christmas. I still haven't received any bonus options to choose from JustAnswer like I had in the past when I worked with Dr. G.
Customer
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
LeahPer your last communication:"LOL It doesn't sound like you think you are "God's gift". You just genuinely seem confident in your connection to this particular girl. Do follow your heart,Customer Just don't let yourself live in question forever. Seek resolution through asking the right questions at the right time. Unfortunately, [probably now is not the right time, but the future may present itself differently]."What may constitute a better time to for "asking the right questions"?I am going to try to formulate a letter to Ru because, so far, she does not spend enough time near me to talk to her. But, given that I am about to begin 18-weeks of two per week sessions at the clinic, I feel something needs to change. I say, "so far", because she has behaved a little differently in each of my last three visits (I don't think it is that she is personally moody as much as it is the changing time) but the common thread is avoidance. I could use your advice. I think it may be appropriate to set up another phone conference. I would suggest either next Wednesday (1/3) or next Friday (1/5) after noon EDT each day. Please let me know when you may be available.The points I want to make with Ru are -
1> Since I never did anything wrong to her and since WE never did anything inappropriate when we worked together, this "odyssey" seems like big time overkill.
2> I can't imagine anyone who spent three months working with her getting to know her personally and professionally as I did would not wind up caring about her. And, unless she turns out t be a serial killer in a secret life, I can't see my feelings changing any time soon. Regardless of what she is doing or will be doing, I OWN those feelings.
3> I have experienced a similar at work situation in the past and it is not that our kind of situation has to be avoided as we are human beings with feellings, but we have to be ADULTS about it.Please let me know about a phone session. Have a Happy New Year!Thanks
Customer

HeyCustomer I know I haven't replied. I was kind of thinking we could play it cool with replies until your next encounter with Ru in January but this remains a hot topic on your mind.

I can tentatively state that I would be free for a phone call on 1/5, but I will be out of town, moving my sister across the country. On 1/5, we will be on the long road trip home, so perhaps that would make for a good time to gab. We will have to play it by ear though so we can stay in touch. I don't quite know what my wi-fi situation will be like in my sister's new home next week when we get there though...I will do my best to keep up with JA and your replies.

Now, I do want to make one point which seems to be an oversight you make when you think this through. And I say it because you seem fairly stuck about the unfairness of Ru being told not to work with you directly The reality here is that you LIKE Ru romantically. Like you said, you own that and it is human. But this truth is the underlying reason that Ru has been asked to keep distance. Not because it is not human to have feelings for her or for her to have them for you, but because it is unethical for her to promote or encourage (even if unintentional) a dual-relationship with you while you are a patient in her clinic. So yes, it seems drastic in theory to be kept away from her but this is not done without appropriate cause. Ru and/or her manager perceived accurately that your affection was growing beyond professional attachment, and the response was to safeguard against any boundaries being breeched. So in that sense, it is not (in my perception) an overkill, but probably the correct proactive managerial response given the options they had.

-Leah

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
34; Now, I do want to make one point which seems to be an oversight you make when you think this through. And I say it because you seem fairly stuck about the unfairness of Ru being told not to work with you directly The reality here is that you LIKE Ru romantically. Like you said, you own that and it is human. But this truth is the underlying reason that Ru has been asked to keep distance. Not because it is not human to have feelings for her or for her to have them for you, but because it is unethical for her to promote or encourage (even if unintentional) a dual-relationship with you while you are a patient in her clinic. So yes, it seems drastic in theory to be kept away from her but this is not done without appropriate cause. Ru and/or her manager perceived accurately that your affection was , when growing beyond professional attachment, and the response was to safeguard against any boundaries being breeched. So in that sense, it is not (in my perception) an overkill, but probably the correct proactive managerial response given the options they had."Thanks for your response.I know that the Ru response is "text book" in how to handle work place romances or their potential. I have been involved in similar situations. 1> I once dated a fellow employee but she worked in a different department and we never encountered each other during the work day. 2> Another where I learned the lesson of never asking for any personal contact information, lest I be accused of being a "stalker" 3> In the 90s, I owned the first commercial video dating service in Chicago (VideoIntro) and I had to play Ru's role of dealing with members/customers and "play it straight". I have also witnessed a number of workplace romances at different times. In my second example, the woman in question was dating the owner of her company.EVERYTHING depends on how the participants behave. In my case with Ru, on October 2nd when my appointment with their MD didn't pan out, as I was leaving, Ru leaned forward toward me looking for all the world like she wanted a kiss or hug But fearing someone would see I simply said, "Please take care of yourself" and she responded "You too". As the owner of a video dating service, some of the female members, when coming across my video, said "What's he doing here? He owns this place." My partner handling the issue, to his credit, said, "Well, he's single and wants to meet someone too". I did eventually go out with a couple of the members after mutual consent to meet was reached.The problem with all this is that, as you indicated previously, Ru and I need to talk. I am about to start the 18-week, twice per week sessions and I believe it is imperative that we come to some understanding. I want her to know how strange it is to be treated like just another patient after spending three solid months of getting to know her as well as anyone else knows her....most of it based on her being open not only to my questions but from her volunteering much information. I think my giving her that graduation card was a sign that yes, Ru, we had/have a connection beyond that of therapist/patient. But, judging from the progression of our encounters from 11/1 until now, I think she will be less nervous when we meet again and may even go along with some eye and proximity contact. I still want to have that talk, however. She has taken avoidance to an art form and, while I respect her and her position (from my own above experience), I still think it is a case of major overkill. I have never done anything bad to her and, when we did work together, WE never did anything inappropriate. Please, Ru and/orVani, don't convict me until I commit a crime! I have the experience and know how to conduct myself in a workplace situation (per our October 2nd encounter).I am going to stop now so we don't run out of topics for a phone conference. Please email me about the proposed 1/5 call as soon as you know. In the meantime, have a Happy New Year!
Customer
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
When you sent the 12/14 response it included http://www.apta.org/EJCOpinions/2001/8/3/. Your assessment, I believe, was that since the therapist in the article was free from any fraternization issues since he/she was no longer treating the patient. Since Ru is no longer working with me, there would no longer be an issue. Right? It is a moot point since I don't see even any chance to talk to her let alone have a relationship.
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
Can you talk this afternoon? Need to know ASAP so I can plan on it for 12:30EDT.
ThanksCustomer
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
Can we talk either on Monday after 2 pm your time or Tuesday any time? I have a physical exam due there on Monday morning and will likely encounter Ru then. She could eitherignoremy completely (wouldbe the first time ever) or be more socialble. Could go either way. It will at least be interesting to see. Feelings are a natural occurance while restrictions are artificially imposed. On my last visit there (on12/12), I hapened to be stretching not 8 feet from her desk andshe droppedher water bottle. I told her not to let me shake her up and she muttered something to herself. I am getting the feeling that this restriction imposition was at her request and not Vani's. SHE AND I HAVE TO RESOLVE THIS BUT IT MAY NEED TO BE IN A LETTER TO HER BECAUSE SHE IS PLAYING THE AVOIDANCE GAME TO THE HILT! We can't replace mutual teasing with this type of weird behavior!
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
Last minute change! I have to change my clinic appointment as well my request for a call on Monday. My car is having serious problems so it has to go in on Monday no matter what so I don't know how long that will take. Also, because the MD at the clnic is only in on Mondays, so I will not be able to get there until 1/15.
Customer reply replied 5 months ago

Would definitely want to talk some time this week. Let me know when you are available. My best times would be either Wednesday or Friday afternoon (after 12:30 PM your time). Any other time would be fine too but there are meetings being held in the next room so I would need to be quite with my responses. ThanksCustomer**********

Customer reply replied 5 months ago
I may be having some email problems so I don't know if you have emailed me lately, Like I indicated, I would like to have a phone consult this week because I have some questions before I return to the clinic next Monday.
ThanksCustomer

HiCustomer I have been mostly away from JA due to lots of things going on, so thank you for your patience. i can plan to talk n friday at 12:30. the only way to do another phone call is to start a new question thread and then accept the auto-offer for a phone call that pops up, or have me send through an offer. Will that be okay for you?

-Leah

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
The time (12:30 your time or mine?) is fine. You can send thru an offer (just FYI- I budget about $50 for a phone conference. Also, JA never sent me examples of a bonus for you as they did when I worked with Dr.G.

Thanks,Customer Can yo see the offer for a phone call i just placed? The bonus is still an option although I think they did away with the "suggestions" allowing people to place whatever they felt appropriate. I am not actually sure where that occurs on your screen. though!! Thank you for even considering it - i know you have mentioned your willingness a few times now and i appreciate it :)

Looking forward to talking. I was thinking 12:30 my time (it is 10am here now)

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
Okay I found the offer. Have had some issues with my system so I am a little skeptical out anything I see. I will need to figure out how to send you the bonus after Friday.

Sounds good. I'll plan to give you a call close to 12:30 (my time) tomorrow. :)

-L

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer are you free?
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer I need your phone number again. Sorry!
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question

Calling now :)

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
POSTSCRIPT
I guess one of the reasons that I continue the situation with Ru is that being treated like this is flattering in a negative way. Apparently, no matter how ignored I feel, I must be significant enough to Ru to treat me like that. When one is treated like I have been there is always a feeling that the other person just doesn't care but I guess one has to care in one way or another to be rude!Customer

Sure,Customer And I respect your ability to see things in that positive light. I do want to call attention to a psychological phenomenon called "confirmation bias" which can cause people to skew information to fit their own perceptions/ideals/schema. So you seeing her rude and standoffish behavior as positive may be an example of the fact that you want things to be optimistic because you really like her. But in truth/objectivity. her exaggerated coldness is not particularly fair, nice or appropriate, but it may be the only choice she has professionally if her message is for you to steer clear. On the other had, she could really like you too and be immature enough to not know how to juggle that with her own professional constructs, so point remains, you have to be able to talk to her and as long as you are in the clinic, I think sticking to conversation attempting to rekindle a working relationship is the ideal place to start.

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
Thanks
For all I know, by Monday and after not seeing each other for almost 5 weeks, she may have trended to not only not acknowledge me but she may decide to talk to me like a stranger. I would have a difficult time not cracking up with that!
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
Thanks again!
I will follow your advice and tell Ru that I hope we can work together again in the next 18 weeks because the of the last four sessions I had with other therapists, only one couldhavebeen considered "professional". She has spoiled me!
Another possibility could be that, the last time she has yelled out "HiCustomer how've you been?" I wasn't very responsive (playing it cool). They were busier than I had ever seen and she couldn't even finish her question before being interrupted by a patient's question. I knew that, if she couldn't finish her question, I probably couldn't even start my answer. But later, she also walked past me, looking right at me and I Iooked away. I really don't think so but, hey, it could be pay back time!
Have a good weekend!Customer
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
My new 18-week stint at Ru's clinic was a mixed bag. On my visit to the MD on Monday Ru made a dash into the office for something. I thought I would use the verbiage she always used for me and said "Hey Ru, how've you been?" She seemed surprised and responded, "Great, how've you beenCustomer" I said "Okay" but not great or I wouldn't be here" She agreed. Upon leaving, I walked about 10 feet from where she was working with a patient and said, "See you Thursday Ru". She did not respond at all. At first, I thought this was the response from someone who was blind-sided by my earlier greeting and was a continuation of her avoidance approach to me. But then I realized she was busy and maybe didn't really hear me.
Ah, but what a change on Thursday! She actually greeted me first. For whatever reason, I responded with "You've been running in a higher gear since October, to my knowledge. I hope you relax when you get home after work!" She said they've been really busy since then and yes she relaxes and watches TV when she gets home from work. In retrospect, I am glad I opened with a question that indicated I still cared about her. Then, later she actually worked with me at the end of my therapy session. Maybe her rudeness in November and December was mostly a symptom of being overwhelmed with patients. Maybe not but I will just need to wait and see. As I left, she was working with a patient on the traction table next to me. I said, "See you next Tuesday and I will bring my own entertainment". I meant that I will bring my Laughing Pig but of course she had no idea what I meant. It will be interesting. I assume she will appreciate the humor like everyone else has so far but she could consider it junvenile or whatever. We'll see.Customer

HiCustomer first, thank you for the bonus! Sounds like things went well at the clinic. I hope tomorrow proves fun and you are able to keep making headway with communication with Ru.

Have a good week,

-Leah

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
Thanks and I hope so too! If things keep improving with Ru, I am dying to find out some of the "behind the scenes" thoughts and conversations behind the drama, starting with Ru's mad dash to Vani's office when she was advised I was there for my pre-planned visit on 10/11 and also why the obvious avoidance during my visits in Nov and Dec. What's changed on her side? I think some of it has to do with how busy they are. Last Thurs, there were four patients (not counting me) and four therapists there. I'm sure that the topic won't come up tomorrow so maybe you and I will have the opportunity to discuss.Customer

It would be great to hear the inside scoop! I hope you get the chance to get back to this level of comfort with Ru. And you are right to consider external factors like the business of the clinic. Things like that are sometimes underappreciated/overlooked when looking at a problem.

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
Thanks for the response. I can't believe it! Compared to my visits in November and December, Ru has been very cordial and not avoidance focused last week and yesterday. Yesterday, I brought my Laughing Pig and, as I was being hooked up for my treadmill walk, I asked Ru to hold "my friend" (the pig). I tried to explain that it performs but she took it and said to me "this can be our mascot" bringing it to Vani's desk in the therapy room where she told Vani what I just said and placed it on a table next to other stuffed animals. Later, while still in traction,I asked Ru to bring the pig back and she said she would right after I finished with traction. She missed the whole point.I wanted to have her turn it on and put it on the floor so it could roll around and laugh. Anyway, I told her I would bring it back on Thursday but that she has to turn it on. I said it laughs more than she does and rolls around almost as fast as she "runs" between patient. Tomorrow, I will tell her that she needs to activate it NOW becuse I can't bring it back next week. It gets car sick, lol. Also, that to just display it on a table would be a waste since part of the benefit of that pig is that the other patients would enjoy it. I've been to this clinic a number of times in the past years and the patients used to talk with each other while on the treadmill or in the traction chairs. No one does that anymore so I'm guessing that instituting a little laughter may instigate conversation. As far as unraveling the drama, I need to wait until the right moment, While Ru is far more cordial right now (at least as of my last two visits) she still moves around a lot. I learned through eaves dropping that she and I went to the same high school (many years apart of course) which may allow me to ask her whether she was on the girls track team there, citing her sprinting speed when she raced into Vani's office upon learning of my arrival for the pre-planned visit last October. More to come I'm sure...
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
Not much to report on my trip to the IBI clinic today. There were only six patients when I came there but Ru was her typical Energizer Bunny self. I didn't acknowledge her since I wanted to see whether she would once again acknowledge me. While running between patients, she waved at me and held up one finger indicating she would come over to me while in the the traction chair. In about 5-6 minutes she came over to me and I asked her to hand me the Laughing Pig because I couldn't reach it from being harnessed in the traction chair, I maybe should have taken that opportunity to TRY to talk with her but the pig took precedence because I promised I would bring it back today. What I got out of that encounter was only that she not only didn't try to avoid contact and she still considers me more than just their typical patient, She has apparently been well schooled on how to avoid getting close to a patient without being rude since November. At this point, because she is CONSTANTLY on the move, the only way I could see pining her down would be to get stuck in an elevator with her and that is not likely to happen since the clinic is on the ground floor. I AM OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS!
ThanksCustomer

HiCustomer I think my suggestion at this point is just to play it cool. Be a little more passive and let her come to you. As annoying as it is, I do think it true that women prefer a bit more of a challenge so if she begins to perceive you losing interest, she ll likely try to engage with you more. And, just be yourself. you and her clicked in the beginning for a good reason - there was no drama to make you contemplative of every play you made while getting therapy Try to get back to that place and just be yourself. If she comes around and seeks engagement, great. If not, her loss.

-Leah

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Thanks for the advice. Actually, the last three encounters had Ru seeking me out. We'll see on Tuesday whether that continues or not. Given how many different "phases" I have gone through with this girl, going from very close to thinking it was over after she received my regrettable letter (in October) to back to the "Hi Harvey, how've been" to avoidance to now the cordial but still the professional facade. Whew! I'm almost afraid to do anything that will bring out "Ru, the Queen of Mean" (last summer, she was pretty balanced except for about 10% of the time when she was in a bad mood) or that from last November. It could be made into a Made for TV Drama. But I know a lot has to do with her position and mine and her trying to figure out how to deal with it. I am inclined to continue to be on case about all the running she does. None of the other therapists run between stations or are in any hurry to hook up or unhook patient from their traction. Yesterday, my timer went off when I was on the traction table. She heard it and ran to my side. I told her "Slow down. I'm stuck here and am not going anywhere soon". I know she is in excellent shape and is more agile than most would wish they were but the combination of constantly running and long work hours (9 am til 7 pm or until the last patent leaves) on Monday, Wednesday and Friday is a great recipe for burning out. Ru is an employer's dream.
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
No big news from last week. Ru made the initial contact three consecutive times then on the fourth visit we both said hi simultaneously. The one remarkable issue is that, while she says the right things, she has no emotion behind her comments. I told her that my 100 year old aunt was rushed to the hospital last Monday from her dentist's office in that they couldn't wake her. It turned out that her pulse was down to 39 beats which was why they couldn't wake her. She is okay now and in rehab but the point is that, when I told Ru (and she was around me when my aunt celebrated her 100th birthday) my aunt was hospitalized, she merely said that she will be pulling for her and crossed two fingers. That was an appropriate response but, having known Ru for being the most compassionate person I know, I wondered whether her new phase and her work is so overwhelming, she has no room for any emotions. It was an emotional connection we had on a variety of issues that was a basis of our most important connection.Let's see what happens this week. Where we are is better than where we were last November and December.
ThanksCustomer
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
LeahJust a short note as I realize we haven't communicated in a while. Today was my seventh trip to the clinic since I returned in January and it marks the seventh consecutive time the Ru has initiated the greeting. Today, I deliberately waited for her to make the first move, more so than in the previous six meetings. Also, she is now working with me a little. Don't know why but it is a lot better than before when my impression was that she was "verboten" from any contact with me. She laughs a lot and it was great to hear that and her little nervous laugh right after she says something to me or anyone. I also purchased some pheromone cologne to maybe "cheat" a little. They say it has a rating of 97.8% and now that she is working with me a little,well who knows. It has a 30-day no questions asked guarantee but hope I don't need to use the guarantee.Have a good weekend.Customer

LOL,Customer Great report. You sound less stressed and the pheromone cologne, nice touch :) Thanks for the update! Have a great weekend as well...

-Leah

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Okay. How do I register a rating? I entered that I thought you deserved 10 stars for your suggestions and help but I don't know whether you were informed.Customer
Customer reply replied 3 months ago
Progress Report:During the past two sessions at the clinic, Ru has spent nearly half my time there working with me. Not the same as before as she has been all business. She behaves as the professional therapist about 98% of the time while I behave like the routine patient about 90% of the time, inserting a little "retro", recalling some of the conversations and things we had experienced last summer in an effort to cut though the facade. She seems like a totally different person right now. I mentioned some things that would have previously drawn from her huge capacity for compassion with only a little bit of compassionate response. Anyway, I received the pheromones, have read the instructions, and will apply prior to my visit tomorrow so, let's see if it makes any difference in the long run. Customer

Well,Customer I am sorry to read your last reply a bit. People are...complicated. And life is full of good and bad and blah and meh. So maybe, what you saw in Ru last year was her at her finest and now you are just seeing her at her norm. Hopefully, this humanizes her - obviously, if you are going to try the pheromones, she still holds your interest. Perhaps her change in personality does root back to the original drama so she has tightened up her professionalism. If this is the case, then you can just do your best to try to coax her back into letting down her guard a bit.

Thanks for the update...time is flying by!

-Leah

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 3 months ago
Leah
Actually, I thought the recent developments RE: Ru were positive. We started out in November and December with mostly avoidance of me: proximity, eye contact, etc. Then I was then told that Ru would only be working with the newbie patients and not "old timers" like me. Now, she is usually one of only two or three therapists on the floor so the odds of her working with me have increased. You may recall that my initial goal this year was to get Ru to work with me because my chances of returning to anything resembling last summer with her would be slim to none without contact. It is interesting to see the stages that she has gone through since her mad dash to Vani's office when told in October that I actually was there to keep my visit date. I believe that neither Ru last summer nor Ru now is the "norm" for her. Last summer, she displayed a great deal of naivete while now, there is a great deal of professionalism in her approach. While her approach is 98% professional, therapist to patient, mine is at least 10% retro (Ru, I know you deeper than that and I am not willing to pretend that I don't.) Like I said, let's see what if anything the pheromones do. More later.
Customer reply replied 3 months ago
Just a little more. I can tell that there is still some of last summer there with Ru. On my first visit back in January.I told Ru she needed to slow down at work. The combination of her running between patients and her long hours could lead to a burnout. She countered with "Well, when I get home after work, I do relax and watch TV".. Then, in early February when a major snow storm was expected the next day, I asked how her car was in snow. She said she had new tires and I said, new tires or not, she had to be careful driving tomorrow. She generated a big smile and said , "I will... you too". This is the kind of response that tells me it could be a matter of time and opportunity and of me making the right timely moves.
Customer reply replied 3 months ago
Leah
On my last two trips to the clinic, Ru had not worked with me and, of course, I was wearing the pheromone cologne for the first time. It was interesting though. Even though she was not working with me,she did a couple small things. Last Friday, I was laying on the traction table and she came over to close the blinds saying that she thought I may be getting the sun in my eyes. Yesterday, while on the traction table, she came over to put the stretching band over my left foot so I could do my hamstring stretches. I did not ask her to do that and I wasn't struggling with it either so I'm kind of wondering whether her moves were an attempt to let me know she was there. (Last summer, Dr.G suggested that her loudly teasing of me with statements like "Customer is wearing his sun glasses in the building" was an effort to make sure I noticed her) They were the only two times she came within six feet of me so I don't know whether the cologne had anything to do with it. On this last trip, she said hello to me twice but I ignored her the first time because she said "hello" while walking in the opposite direction. With the second hello, I just walked past her but came back to initiate a "hi" of my own which she greeted pretty warmly.
I would LOVE to get to the point where we can have a conversation. I have a million questions about what went on during the "drama" that began on the day she raced to Vani's office last October. I would even want to ask her about the day she thanked me for the graduation card last December. As I mentioned then, she leaned in to say thank you but before that she said "I can't stay but....." . I would hope that someday soon, we could just laugh about all of that.

HiCustomer I have appreciated our conversation but am hoping if you want to keep it going, you would be wlling to start a new question. Things sound pretty status quo in your therapy and of course, you still sound quite interested and hopeful. I guess you just have to keep riding it out although at this point, the weeks are flying by and it doesn't seem much is going to be shaken up. While you have gotten some TLC from Ru, seems like she is pretty much sticking to professional mode so I am not sure what you should make of this. I guess again, like we have said much before, if you really want answers, you are just going to have to be brave and ask.

Take care,Customer

-Leah

Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 3 months ago
I WILL be sending another question early next week but I want to now whether sending an update would qualify as a "question". I would think t would because you can render your professional advice which, in my book, is the same as answering a question.
ThanksCustomer
Customer reply replied 3 months ago
Well, my job of resurrecting a close relationship with Ru just got a little tougher. Vani is pregnant and it seems that Ru is being groomed to take her place for a while. I don'tknow for sure but the questions and statements she has been making sound a lot like those from a management person.....kind of like her attitude during the good cop/bad cop encounter I had with her and Vani last October. In addition, she not only walks a lot faster than she used to but now talks a lot faster too. In fact, I had to ask her twice to repeat what she just told me.....and she was standing close to me. I am concerned that the combination of walking faster and talking faster are signs that she is heading for a crash! I know that when I am tense, I tend to talk faster. I am inclined to tell her in response that I am very concerned about her and that she needs to take it easier or else I will come in someday and have to be told that Ru has burned out! What do you think? I know that when I've told her to be careful when driving on snowy days, it seemed like she appreciates my concern. At some point soon, at the right time, I will reiterate that I still care about her (having had no choice given our working together last summer). That would be my next (and may be my first real "risk"). It will kill any notion that I have lost interest but my 18-week session per their MD's RX is half over.
Customer reply replied 3 months ago
Leah - FYI
The above message should have been posted as a "new question" but JA thought it was more of a follow-up. I notified them that it should have been a new question and to post as such and charge me accordingly. Customer
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a mental health professionalLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask LeahMSWuofm Your Own Question
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,060
1,060 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 10 years post-MSW experience

LeahMSWuofm is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Therapist

4,101 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
I have a major panic disorder and get harsh anxiety. What
I have a major panic disorder and get harsh anxiety. What should I do? … read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
20 satisfied customers
Having anxiety regarding work, losing sleep. Trying to find
Having anxiety regarding work, losing sleep. Trying to find a way to rest my mind and lessen stress … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
433 satisfied customers
I have been diagnosed with ocd and anxiety and was put on
Good morning. I have been diagnosed with ocd and anxiety and was put on paxil which didn't work only made symptoms worse and then was put on Prozac which really made things worse so then we settled wi… read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
20 satisfied customers
I have suffered from depression and anxiety (situation) for
I have suffered from depression and anxiety (situation) for a long time. I want to get pregnant so stopped my anxiety med still on welbutrin. My psyc does not believe In Xanax. How can I get a small d… read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
20 satisfied customers
I have severe anxiety daily even waking up with it.I also
I have severe anxiety daily even waking up with it.I also have panic attacks. I don't like being around people unless I have something to keep my nerves calm. My doctor says I am too old to be taking … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
433 satisfied customers
I have been diagnosed with anxiety/depression for a while
hi, i have been diagnosed with anxiety/depression for a while but my doctor only wants to prescribe me anti depressants and i've tried 6 different kinds and don't like any of them … read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
20 satisfied customers
I suffer from schziphrenia and have at least some anxiety
Hi my name is***** suffer from schziphrenia and have at least some anxiety and stress. … read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,101 satisfied customers
I have extreme anxiety issues sometimes when I'm driving I
I have extreme anxiety issues sometimes when I'm driving I have to pull over and take deep breath‘s I don't know where it comes from a lot of times nothing brings it on it just comes out of nowhere. I… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
433 satisfied customers
I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and insomnia Is it
I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and insomnia Is it severe enough to get me state mental hospital??… read more
Vakul Aren
Vakul Aren
Consultant Physician
Post graduation (Liverpool, U.K.)
4,150 satisfied customers
Is -e supplement really a good supplement for anxiety or
Second opinion] Is SAM-e supplement really a good supplement for anxiety or depression? Doe it have any harmful side effects? It seems to help people that have mild anxiety and slight depression sympt… read more
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi
Doctoral Degree
1,564 satisfied customers
Is -e supplement really a good supplement for anxiety or
Is SAM-e supplement really a good supplement for anxiety or depression? Doe it have any harmful side effects? It seems to help people that have mild anxiety and slight depression symptoms remain calm … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
1,060 satisfied customers
I have a question about anxiety. How does enough anxiety
I have a question about anxiety. How does enough anxiety cause emotional apathy? How can I get rid of emotional apathy and increase sensitivity instead of decrease? … read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,101 satisfied customers
I've been suffering with server anxiety and agrophobia for 4
Hi, I've been suffering with server anxiety and agrophobia for 4 years. It's ruining my life, I hardly go outside and I never leave the house. My symptoms are, extream brain fog, very bad memory, hot … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
1,060 satisfied customers
Im having depression and anxiety, but have trouble with
im having depression and anxiety, but have trouble with medications i have. could you recommend some natural supplements that may help?… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
1,060 satisfied customers
Separation anxiety after breaking up with a girlfriend. I
Separation anxiety after breaking up with a girlfriend … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
1,060 satisfied customers
Anxiety & worry, was on Paxil for 15 years & it quit working
anxiety & worry, was on Paxil for 15 years & it quit working now am on Venlafaxine er for about 6 mo., it is helping but still have set backs with the anxiety, im on 112.5mg, do i need to up my dose t… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
1,060 satisfied customers
I'm depressed and have anxiety attacks and panic attacks
I'm depressed and have anxiety attacks and panic attacks about 5 times a day … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
180 satisfied customers
Since childhood I've suffered from general anxiety, but
Since childhood I've suffered from general anxiety, but because mental health issues have a very negative stigma in my family I've never sought treatment. After the recent unexpected death of a family… read more
Bonnie Behee-Semler
Bonnie Behee-Semler
Licenses Psychologist
PhD
9 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x